In desperate need of perspective

[MrsSz]

I'm having a moment. For sure. My husband is due to start med school in the fall. He's a non trad so entering at 28 puts us a little farther in life than I think he would like. Due to lack of industry and the fact that I work for a phenomenal company (plus I have no real skill set... Damn degree) I will be relocating to a different city than he will. I applied to an extremely competitive training program (as I was urged to do so to further my career). There were about 120 applicants and Thursday I interviewed for the final cut, a total of 11 interviewed for the final 6 spots. I should find out this week if I was accepted and where I'll l spend the next 8 months of my life. WOOT. While I know distance is going to be rough, I also know I have his complete and total support.

So, to the moment I'm having. I have two best friends, one from high school (HBF) and one from freshman year of college(CBF). HBF is single, but has a great job and just bought her first house. I'm so proud and happy for her. CBF got married last year and her husband is finishing up grad school. They are going to start building their first home in June. Again,so proud and happy for them. BUT I'm super jealous. I can't even imagine a time when we will be able to OWN anything.. Let alone build something of our own. Why couldn't my husband have wanted to be an engineer or a hedge fund manager?? Why medicine where we are going to continue to be up to our eyeballs in debt for the next thirty years?? There's all the blah blah about helping people but he could have volunteered at a soup kitchen or bettered women's shelter on the weekends!!

I don't know. Part of me wishes I could speed up to fellowship but just the thought of this next 10 year process is daunting. Maybe I'm just overwhelmed with the thought of oh crap I could really be moving soon and that I won't be living with someone whom I've grown so accustomed to having around for the past five years.

I'm sure I'm just annoying those of you who've been through hella worse but I just need some perspective!


xoxo,
MrsSz

[L.Jane]

You can do it! Its going to be long, its going to be tough, but others have done it and so can you. As for the 8 months apart, its also survivable. Make sure you both have webcams, talk about outlining "date nights" once you get into a pattern and expect the unexpected.

Jealousy is natural. There are many of us on here going through the exact same thing. No kids for me until residency is over because I can not fathom the thought of doing it here on my own, and the COL is way too high. Basically all my friends are having their first this year. It stinks but knowing that we are doing what we WANT to be doing is so much better then living in the perfect house being perfectly miserable doing something we don't care to be doing.

Anyway, hugs and I am sure others will give you better perspective than I have

[SoonerTexan]

That's rough...but you'll make it!!! A very wise member on here pointed out that there is no use waiting for it all to be over...live your life in the meantime!!

[MarissaNicole]

It takes time and gets easier, but it is hard not to look at where everyone else is in life and wish you were there. At times its worse than others but I think it does get better because over time you learn to accept it. Trust me we get it, its hard to watch friends buying beautiful homes, having children, going on nice vacations, while you scrape together money to pay basic bills.

The worst part is when people assume 1)you are rich, as if you get paid to go to medical school, or that residency pays well or 2) your friends talk about how "rich" you'll be someday.

Yes, in 10 years we may make 6 figures, but we'll have 6 figures in debt and lived on less than $40,000 a year for over a decade!

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[ladymoreta]

Just lots of hugs! I'll admit, DH and I have had a few venting sessions about how unfair it is to have to watch our friends moving forward while we're basically stuck at the same income. It was worse for us in medical school, but residency is worse for most people. We've had a relatively great residency experience, so there's a chance it'll get better before you think.

[v-girl]

It won't last forever. We are finally seeing the end in sight -- DH finishes in June and starts his real job right away (at the same place). 14 years. He'll be 39 when he starts his job.

[Finding Equanimity]

I hear you on the jealousy front! We seem to be experiencing it more and more as we get older and our friends are more "settled" in their jobs, making decent pay, and finally paying off their college loans so they have more to spend on other things.

SoonerTexan has awesome advice that I try to remember (and fail horribly, most days). It's hard to live in the moment and remember you are living "now" as well as investing for the future. But live for today, because that's all you have control over. And hopefully the future will come sooner than you expect

[Pollyanna]

You can do it and you will get there. But always remember that this is your life right now. Don't make the mistake of thinking life starts after training, live every day now and enjoy all the good that comes along. Dh started med school when we were 32, when he finishes fellowship this year we will be 43. Everyone goes through life on their own time frame. One is not better than the other, just different. Hang in there, post often, and good luck on the job!

[MrsSz]

You can do it! Its going to be long, its going to be tough, but others have done it and so can you. As for the 8 months apart, its also survivable. Make sure you both have webcams, talk about outlining "date nights" once you get into a pattern and expect the unexpected.

Jealousy is natural. There are many of us on here going through the exact same thing. No kids for me until residency is over because I can not fathom the thought of doing it here on my own, and the COL is way too high. Basically all my friends are having their first this year. It stinks but knowing that we are doing what we WANT to be doing is so much better then living in the perfect house being perfectly miserable doing something we don't care to be doing.

Anyway, hugs and I am sure others will give you better perspective than I have

date night is such a good idea... We have a schedule worked out so almost every month either I'll be home or he'll be there... That made me see that it will at least be manageable...

[MrsSz]

It won't last forever. We are finally seeing the end in sight -- DH finishes in June and starts his real job right away (at the same place). 14 years. He'll be 39 when he starts his job.

congrats on being at the end of the tunnel!!! I'm sure that's an amazing feeling.. DH is interested in ENT and currently debating the MD/PhD route... Here we go lol

[MrsSz]

I can't tell you all what it means to me to have this support. I have felt so alone like no one knows what we're going through. It is an amazing feeling to have a support system that understands my pissy-ness!!

xoxo,

MrsSz

[SoonerTexan]

It's actually Pollyanna's wise advice but I've been trying to live by it since she said it. I know I'll look back on these early years of our marriage as precious times someday, so I'm trying to appreciate that now.

But yes, the support here is awesome and well worth it. I have real life (haha as opposed to imaginary?) friends from this site that have been awesome and amazing.