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First of all, let me say that I've been with my DH through all of his medical training... So I *should* be totally used to this by now! However, I've been having a really tough time lately dealing with his schedule. Like, really tough. Going crazy, ready to scream and head for the hills tough.
DH is in full on boards studying mode. He's PGY4 and getting ready to graduate from his residency program and then take the path boards in mid-June. He cleared his rotations schedule after the new year so that he's taking only cushy electives to give himself more time to hit the books. He did the week long OOT review course in Feb and has not come home before about 8PM any night since. (Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration. He has *very occasionally* come home earlier, like a couple days a month, maybe.) I get it. He needs to prepare. However, the boards are pass/fail only, and he's in absolutely no danger of failing. He's been a gunner all through training, has aced all his major exams, and has earned an excellent reputation with his staff and fellow residents. At this point, he's admitted that he's studying so that he can "kill the Boards, not just pass them," and that "It's a matter of personal pride."
Meanwhile, he does nothing at home other than help me with our 3 y.o. when he has time (this is nothing new, but I haven't always been so bothered by it), and he is at least kind enough to ignore the dust bunnies on the floor or the fact that we're having leftovers for dinner again. I SAH, so naturally I cook and clean and attempt to keep up with all that, but I also mow the lawn (in all my current pregnant glory), take out the trash (DH has no idea when garbage day even is), do all the household repairs (I'm getting pretty good at plumbing!), tend the landscaping, maintain the furnace, etc, etc.
At this point, I can't help but feel like DH is putting his career too high above our family. IMO, this is different from "having" to put in long hours for training. His official duties end by around 3:30 every afternoon, so he's "choosing" to stay and study until late in the evening. We have no family anywhere nearby and so not much of a support network, I'm pregnant (22 wks currently), and doing "it all" is just exhausting these days. Even my relatives have started commenting on how down I sound over the phone lately, and they're making comments that they "hope everything is OK." I feel like, just because he can study more doesn't necessarily mean he should and that our family would really benefit from having DH/Daddy home more often, even if that simply means he comes home at a more reasonable hour just one or two nights a week. He, for his part, is clueless. If I comment that I'm exhausted or need a break, his response is, "how come?"
I really need other med spouses' input, so give it to me straight. What's going on? Am I justified in feeling the way I do, or do I need to just suck it up a tiny bit longer? Would I be out of hand to ask DH to cut his studying hours short just a couple days a week? Am I forgetting that this time is probably just as stressful for him as it is for me? And is this just pregnancy hormones messing with me or does it actually get harder to deal with training crap once you can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel?
My apologies for writing a book.
DH is in full on boards studying mode. He's PGY4 and getting ready to graduate from his residency program and then take the path boards in mid-June. He cleared his rotations schedule after the new year so that he's taking only cushy electives to give himself more time to hit the books. He did the week long OOT review course in Feb and has not come home before about 8PM any night since. (Well, that's a bit of an exaggeration. He has *very occasionally* come home earlier, like a couple days a month, maybe.) I get it. He needs to prepare. However, the boards are pass/fail only, and he's in absolutely no danger of failing. He's been a gunner all through training, has aced all his major exams, and has earned an excellent reputation with his staff and fellow residents. At this point, he's admitted that he's studying so that he can "kill the Boards, not just pass them," and that "It's a matter of personal pride."
Meanwhile, he does nothing at home other than help me with our 3 y.o. when he has time (this is nothing new, but I haven't always been so bothered by it), and he is at least kind enough to ignore the dust bunnies on the floor or the fact that we're having leftovers for dinner again. I SAH, so naturally I cook and clean and attempt to keep up with all that, but I also mow the lawn (in all my current pregnant glory), take out the trash (DH has no idea when garbage day even is), do all the household repairs (I'm getting pretty good at plumbing!), tend the landscaping, maintain the furnace, etc, etc.
At this point, I can't help but feel like DH is putting his career too high above our family. IMO, this is different from "having" to put in long hours for training. His official duties end by around 3:30 every afternoon, so he's "choosing" to stay and study until late in the evening. We have no family anywhere nearby and so not much of a support network, I'm pregnant (22 wks currently), and doing "it all" is just exhausting these days. Even my relatives have started commenting on how down I sound over the phone lately, and they're making comments that they "hope everything is OK." I feel like, just because he can study more doesn't necessarily mean he should and that our family would really benefit from having DH/Daddy home more often, even if that simply means he comes home at a more reasonable hour just one or two nights a week. He, for his part, is clueless. If I comment that I'm exhausted or need a break, his response is, "how come?"
I really need other med spouses' input, so give it to me straight. What's going on? Am I justified in feeling the way I do, or do I need to just suck it up a tiny bit longer? Would I be out of hand to ask DH to cut his studying hours short just a couple days a week? Am I forgetting that this time is probably just as stressful for him as it is for me? And is this just pregnancy hormones messing with me or does it actually get harder to deal with training crap once you can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel?
My apologies for writing a book.
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