please advise!!

~~~I have also posted this in the Introductions section, so I'm sorry if its a little redundant!!~~
Hello!!! I hope everyone is having a great week

My name is Nancy and I will soon be venturing into the life of being a spouse of a med student. I am very excited to say that we are moving from Michigan to California so that my fiancee can attend UC Irvine this fall. I was just wondering if everyone might be able to give a little advice for us. We (Andrew and I) are having an epic discussion on whether the military is the best route for us or if we should continue med school as civilians. I am of the belief that we should stay civilians, and he wants to join the military (in order to not have student debt and to serve his country). We are a very open and honest couple who work through all of our problems, but this is one that is stumping us. I dont have a lot of friends who can give me advice about what life is like when you're the spouse of a military doctor. I desperately would appreciate your advice on this and would love anyones thoughts, negative and positive! some questions that have been bothering me are:

1. how dangerous is this?! is he going to be deployed? for how long? will i be a single mother for months on-end?
2. will we have to move all over the country? can we pick where we go? what is the likelihood of us getting to move to our "choice"?
3. what branch would be best to join if he did sign up?
4. what is residency like in the military? does it pay more or less than civilian residencies? how are the hours?
5. what is life like after residency for the 4 years that he must "pay back" in service?
6. am i being too selfish by not wanting to do this?

Again, please leave any comments. I am so grateful that this forum exists and that there are others out there that are in the same boat as I am. Thank you in advance! -Nancy

[ms.conception]

I can't speak for Military Spouses, or even for American programs - I have two friends who are military wives, one is (well, was...) a Military med wife. Her husband went into neuro-surgery.

My gf who has a military husband non-med (he's an engineer) has had a very rough go of it. He has been deployed for 2 out of the 4 years they've been together, in that time, they've had two children. Being a med spouse is hard enough, I can't imagine NEVER seeing your spouse over a year - during deployment. It wouldn't work for our family, not at all. Residency for us was hard enough with 100hr work weeks. I don't know what military med lives are like. My other gf who was married to a Military Med Spouse went through undergrad with him and medicine but ended up leaving him before he went through residency. She had one child, couldn't cope with the life, and moved home to Texas to be with her immediate family.

Residency is hard - depending on specialty - it can be VERY hard. You're essentially a single parent. I don't know what military people are paid after medicine is done, but residency here pays crap as a civilian, I can't imagine that the military is paying more.

It's not selfish. I think that planning these things BEFORE you go ahead with things, it's better than having a change of heart or committing to something that you might regret down the line.

[DCJenn]

If he's not already enrolled in the HPSP program then it's likely a moot point. If he's going to pursue HPSP, then he needs to get in and get a contract signed.

HPSP pay during residency is a stipend- I have no idea how much it is these days. Payback is (normally) 4 years after residency. There is another way to do military medicine that's a residency only thing but that's a little more complex to explain. My husband went to the military medical school and earned a full salary through medical school- this also included books and equipment.

He doesn't want to "join" the military, he needs to be commissioned into the military- Physicians are officers.

1. how dangerous is this?! is he going to be deployed? for how long? will i be a single mother for months on-end? It can be very dangerous or not that bad. Depends. Yes, he's going to be deployed. (even if he's not, assume that he is. Most physician deployments are 6 months to one year. So yes.
2. will we have to move all over the country? can we pick where we go? what is the likelihood of us getting to move to our "choice"? There's no way to know where you'll move- it's speciality dependent. The more subspecialized he is, the fewer options there will be. That can either be really good or really bad, depending on the branch. The likelihood of getting your choice is entirely dependent upon the whims of the military and their needs at that time. There is no choice, there is only the illusion of choice.
3. what branch would be best to join if he did sign up? Again, he can't just 'sign up'. He needs to meet with the military people at his medical school. (not a general recruiter) He needs to do this ASAP. As for branch? These days, they're cross trained and cross-deployed. It kind of depends what else he likes to do. Navy docs can be send to sea for months, the Air Force has some really crappy locations. So does the Army. The Army and the Navy deploy a lot. We have an anesthesiology friend who is on his fifth deployment. Our Navy psych friend deployed three times. My husband the child neurologist is looking at number two (first was to Iraq). That's another thing to know- pediatricians and subspecialists deploy w/ everyone else.
4. what is residency like in the military? does it pay more or less than civilian residencies? how are the hours? Residency is exactly like civilian residencies- in fact, a number of them are civilian residencies that the military pays for- depends on the program. Even military residencies are just like everyone elses- they generally pretty much suck. As for pay- we were paid well comparatively - but it was a military residency (at a military hospital). The military operates under the same hours restrictions as everyone else. They rarely deploy residents (but they will not give a residency if they don't need that speciality and then the doc can be deployed)
5. what is life like after residency for the 4 years that he must "pay back" in service? He'll work at a military hospital. It's more speciality dependent than military dependent. My husband leaves for work at 6:30 for 7:30 morning report. He has the luxury of seeing patients for longer appointments than his civilian counterparts and he can order pretty much whatever test or med that he thinks he necessary. That's a huge bonus as far as he's concerned. There are very nice benefits to the military- health care- free, medications- free, housing stipend, great retirement, etc. But- we're 18 years in. If you're not a lifer then things look different.
6. am i being too selfish by not wanting to do this? There are serious benefits to military medicine- including mostly debt free with lots of free stuff. There are lots of downsides. I personally wouldn't have changed a thing- yes, deployment sucked but no more than either the first 3 year fellowship or the second one year fellowship. Honestly- from this side of medicine- 12 years after medical school graduation- 4 years is nothing. My husband owes 4 more years- he'll get out that that time. I have every expectation he'll sign right back on as a contractor to the military. Are you being selfish? Well, if you seriously can't imagine seeing your spouse for months a time, then no. If you're fearing the unknown more than the military then I can assure you that it's really not that big a deal.

j