Loss at a distance...

[SuzySunshine]

I have a question for all of you that live far from where you grew up or went to college, etc. For the second time this year I have lost a friend and have not been able to go back for the services. The most recent one really hit me because it was a supervisor from college and he and his wife were great friends of mine, so much so that they were at my wedding last year. He unexpectedly died on Saturday and today of all days, when his services are starting his wife e-mailed me to make sure I knew. I was just really shocked and touched that when everyone should be thinking of her, she was thinking of me.

So I guess the point of all this is whether or not anyone has any ideas for what I can do for her. I've sent a card and I've made a donation to his memorial but I feel like I should be doing something more. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated - thanks!

[SueC]

I don't know, but I'm sorry to hear about your loss!

[houseelf]

Cheri,

First, I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope that you find solace soon. RE: what to do? How 'bout placing a phone call to his wife and letting her know what his friendship meant to you and what attributes you admired. Or if you are not on an intimate basis you can express these sentaments in a card and then keep the phone call light.

For whatever it is worth, I recently went through a similar experience of trying to help a friend grieve from afar. My foreign exchange host father died this summer at the young age of 55 (!) and I felt at such a loss to comfort my host mother. I have been dropping a card in the mail about every week and placed one 80 minute call 8O to let her talk. (I normally do not hide bills from DH but let's just say that he will never know about the price of this gesture.) I wrote a long letter telling her how he influenced my life and how lucky I was to have met him. I don't know if it helped, but I honestly didn't know what else to do. I will try to drop letters and perhaps even another phone call on their anniversary, their birthdays, and Christmas. I wish that I could hold her hand, help decorate the grave, and take her out to lunch, but that is just not feasible. I hope that she understands.

Good luck.

Kelly