Catholic Wedding Question

[SuzySunshine]

So DH's cousin is getting married in early October. There are only 4 of them, his brother and these two brothers. I wouldn't say they're super close but they are good family. I am fb friends with the fiancé, she is also very nice and they live close to us. Anyway it's a full Catholic wedding mass at 6:30pm followed by a dinner/dance reception which is also about 10-15 minutes from our house. We had decided not to take the kids because they don't do well at evening masses, we have given up on trying to take them to Saturday evening mass. So the dinner/dance probably won't even start until 7:45 or 8 which is their bed time. I have also already returned the response card saying only Brian and I are attending.

So the issue... tonight I get an e-mail from the bride asking our family, of 4, to take up the gifts at the ceremony. It was very nice if her to ask and she has twin nieces and nephews that are A's age that are in the wedding so I know there will be other kids there...

So now do we take the kids to the wedding only, then take them home to the sitter or now that they've been asked to be in the wedding do we buck up and take them to the whole thing or do we decline??

UGH!!

[MrsK]

If you don't think your kids can handle it, I think it would be okay to tell the bride that you are worried your children will disrupt her ceremony so you have elected to get a sitter. You and Brian can still offer to help take up gifts at the ceremony.

[scrub-jay]

I would discuss with the bride how important it is to her for your children to be involved and explain what you've told us here. She may just be offering that to ensure that you know your children are welcome and important, not necessarily a "OMG I am counting on them!" Gauge her feelings on it and base your decision on that.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

I would discuss with the bride how important it is to her for your children to be involved and explain what you've told us here. She may just be offering that to ensure that you know your children are welcome and important, not necessarily a "OMG I am counting on them!" Gauge her feelings on it and base your decision on that.

Totally agree. Although it wouldn't be bad/looked down upon to take them to the ceremony and not the reception - they are kids and it is bedtime

[SoonerTexan]

What the others said--take it as a compliment, and decline the gift part if you need to. Or just explain and let the bride decide.

A might do really well at a wedding mass if she is into princess stuff?

[SuzySunshine]

We took them to the other cousin's wedding in late June and everyone told us what a wonderful job they did but that was also a wedding earlier in the day, it was not at dinner time. DH and I about died, we thought they did AWFUL! A gets very excited about the bride when she sees her but as soon as the mass starts, its just like taking them to regular church. They fidget, they talk, they bounce on the kneeler, they don't do so hot.

Thanks for the suggestions. I just e-mailed her back and explained to her that we weren't planning on bringing them and why but told her it was her day and if she really wanted them included we would bring them. The response cards are going to her parents so she obviously didn't know I'd already returned ours without them on it.

[scrub-jay]

Excellent response!

[SuzySunshine]

She understood and said most of her friends with young kids are doing the same. So DH and I are taking up the gifts...