RSVP question

[houseelf]

My husband, my oldest child, and I have been invited to our neighbor's bar mitzvah the weekend before Christmas. The reception is at the most chic-chic venue in town. While I want us all to attend, my husband is...wait for it...on call that night. Unlike the last Bar Mitzvah reception that we attended at the party barn, this one entails place settings, linens, fine silverware, etcetera. (i.e. $$$) Can I RSVP for two and state not to set a place setting for my husband who would like to stop in if possible to congratulate the child? I don't want them to allocate funds on the off chance that someone might not need surgery that night. What would a polite medical spouse do?

Also, what would be an appropriate gift? This isn't my son's BFF but he is definitely in his extended group of friends and they are one of three kids who play select lacrosse together.

Thanks in advance.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

My parents made me get savings bonds for all the kids whose bar/bat mitzvah I attended. I was totally embarrassed by their insistence on such an old-fashioned gift especially when all my other friends were allowed to give gifts of jewelry or clothes.

[corn poffi]

I give checks.

I would just call the mother, and explain the situation. Then just RSVP for you and your son. My cousin's bat mitzvah is next week, and I did the same thing (minus the son).

[Deebs]

I would RSVP for two, but also call to explain. I'd also do money.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

I give checks.

I would just call the mother, and explain the situation. Then just RSVP for you and your son. My cousin's bat mitzvah is next week, and I did the same thing (minus the son).

Agreed with everything! There will probably be last minute cancelations (illnesses, etc), so on the chance that your DH can come, he'd probably take a setting from someone who had to cancel last minute. Plus, the venue, if they see someone without a place setting, will probably set one anyway!

[MrsK]

Yes, RSVP for two. Your husband can still attend the ceremony if he is available. Most people give money - savings bonds (which you can only buy on-line now), stocks, checks, gift cards. I've given small eletronics too (got a good deal on an MP3 player). My mom used to give silver ID bracelets since she was in the jewelry business. I know that it seems weird to give money but FWIW, DrK used money he had saved since his Bar Mitzvah to buy my engagement ring and some of the stocks he got for his Bar Mitzvah are the best ones he's got now.

[Liisi]

I agree that calling to explain, and RSVPing for two, is the way to go!

And re: giving money... I take care of a 12-year-old boy a few days a week, and he recently said something that made me laugh. He was making a birthday card for his friend, and told me that he hadn't had time to go to the store and get him a present, so he was just going to give him a twenty dollar bill. He explained to me, "It's not a 'real' birthday present like I wanted to get him, but that's okay. Because everybody loves money." Good point, right?? Who would be disappointed by receiving money?