Attachment to patients

My SO sometimes becomes very attached to certain patients and their families, usually for idiosyncratic reasons (e.g., they are close to our age, or reminds him of a favorite relative type of thing). I know this is a natural human tendency (and I greatly admire his dedication and compassion), but how attached is too attached for someone who is supposed to be professionally objective? Sometimes he has gone to funerals of certain patients that are special to him, or has accepted invitations for dinner at the homes of patients' family. This happens very rarely, but I don't know what to make of it. Is this normal? Healthy? Does this happen to anyone else?

[MrsK]

What is his specialty, again?

[GrayMatterWife]

Never. My DH is a very empathetic guy, but I think this may be a product of being a surgeon and generally not having protracted relationships with patients. And this would most definitely not be encouraged. It would be professionally debilitating. A lot of what he sees are very sad cases.

[alison]

It does happen in dh's specialty that they go to funerals or keep in touch with patients and/or families.

[PrincessFiona]

My dh has gone to funerals. He has been very sad when certain patients die. I think he has developed a healthy attachment though and clear boundaries. Why are you concerned?

Kris

[SuzySunshine]

My DH has formed relationships with patients while they are in his care but RARELY after. When he was a resident we were in a small community so every once in a while we'd run into a patient, I can only remember once when he introduced me, mostly he just tried to avoid them. Not that he doesn't like his patients and care about them but I think its a fine line he feels like has to walk. That is also a reason he doesn't have a facebook page, he doesn't want his patients to be able to find him.

[DCJenn]

My husband sees his patients long term and if a child is terminal with something, he tries to be there for the families and will go in to the hospital during off hours to check on them. He tries to go to funerals as well. That said, for the most part there is much cheering and dancing on the days he transfers on-call status to one of his colleagues. (They're on-call every 4 weeks)

J.

[Phoebe]

It does happen in dh's specialty that they go to funerals or keep in touch with patients and/or families.

This. Sometimes DH will take care of patients and their families for up to 8 months. They also have a reunion picnic every year, as well.

[Deebs]

This is one of the positives to Emergency Medicine? My DH only knows his patients for a couple hours, for the most part.

[Meenah]

We go to funerals, etc. We are Internal Medicine and Pulmonary and our patients are with us for the long haul. We have several families that we have three generations actively in the practice!!!

[weeniegeniewife]

My DH definitely gets attached to his little patients, but not overly so. He oftentimes makes diagnoses prenatally, and then follows the kids from infancy into adulthood. For some of his patients he has operated on them multiple times (ie staging surgeries), and as he's a peds guy, he loves his little kiddos.

[Sheherezade]

My husband makes strong attachments to his patients during their treatments, but he doesn't go to funerals. He can't. It's just torture for him psychologically. He's in a field in which many patients die - sometimes after years of fighting off a cancer "together". He gets very depressed when his patients pass on and he has to create a little distance to survive it. I originally pressed him to go to funerals but after I realized the cost to him emotionally (and that none of his mentors would attend funerals either) I realized I don't have any idea what I'm talking about. I am constantly amazed that he can do what he does. I'd be a basket case.

[weeniegeniewife]

Angie, I totally get that. When I worked in Hem Onc the docs never went to the funerals, either. It's just too devastating for them.

[SoonerTexan]

My FIL is in the same field as Angie's DH. I don't know if he goes to funerals, but he is generally close to his patients. Many of them know about our daughter and ask to see the latest pics and videos--apparently it is a nice distraction to start or end what is usually a sad appt. makes sense with the age range and gender of his patients. A few became close to his whole family years after their treatment was over. One in particular was invited to our wedding and FIL and MIL went to her funeral when she sadly relapsed last year and died. I don't think it is like that with every patient though. I have never seen him mad and very rarely visibly sad. I think he internalizes a lot of it

[Curegirl]

Boyfriend's in EM so he (hopefully) doesn't have any repeat patients but it does affect him a lot when he comes across elderly people who are treated badly or are hurt somehow. It stays with him for a long time. He also goes out of his way to avoid seeing patients outside of work which is hard to do since it's a smaller town.