Supporting your husband questions/ supporting yourself...

[spaz]

nt

[spaz]

nt

[Pollyanna]

Tell him EXACTLY what you posted. It's not healthy for you to continue to hold this all inside plus my guess is that he is likely knows you aren't happy but doesn't really know what to do to fix it so he then also avoids the discussion. It just becomes this never ending cycle. I agree not to start this type of conversation when he is post call and I know it sucks to waste a date night on this type of stuff but getting everything out there will increase your date nights and closeness. You are not just "one more thing" for him to handle, you're his wife who he cherishes, remember that.

[spaz]

nt

[MrsK]

Put time with you on his schedule. Even if is meeting for a cup of coffee two months from now (which may be easier/less pressure than a date night at this point). Better yet, put three such appointments on his schedule. Tell him that he needs to treat appointments with you with the same priority as he treats appointments with his patients. And talk then. Then repeat this process over and over.

[weeniegeniewife]

Big, big . Just so you know, we never get tired of anyone's posts. You can post as much as you want; we all get it and are here for support.

You might have already posted the answer to this, but, has he had a physical lately? Including blood work? I think if you shared your concerns with his doc, then had him go in for a physical, maybe some light would be shed on this? Sometimes people need to hear things from third parties before they really "get" it. Also, your DH does sound like he might be somewhat depressed. It would be good to get that assessed, too.

[diggitydot]

There are a shit ton of different solutions to the issues you've brought up. The only problem is that none of them are a perfect match and solve everything without raising other issues. Something is going to have to give and only you two can determine what that will be. But it has to be you two TOGETHER who determine which priorities are where and which ones you're willing to eliminate, adjust, or bend.

You are worth being one of your husband's priorities. And while he may not tell you that you are one, I guarantee that he sees his work as a means to support you and the fam -- that he's doing EVERYTHING for you.

You guys need a counselor, even of for no other reason than to help you both solidify and flesh out your priorities.

Med spouses are always waiting and planning for another stage, another move, hitting another goal, another whatever. When we FINALLY reach a point where we don't have to jump through someone else's hoops all the time, it's weird and sometimes uncomfortable to not be working towards the next stage.

You can do this.

[spaz]

nt

[HouseofWool]

I am willing to bet there are a lot of people who would be more than happy to give back to you. It is hard to take the assistance. Really hard.

[spaz]

The other problem is how do you know that the counselor is good??????? We are both leery since our friends went to counseling and their counselor was horrible..told them they needed to separate... They divorced and are now married to different people.. Anyway, I don't want a counselor to make things worse.

[diggitydot]

The other problem is how do you know that the counselor is good??????? We are both leery since our friends went to counseling and their counselor was horrible..told them they needed to separate... They divorced and are now married to different people.. Anyway, I don't want a counselor to make things worse.

That's the thing about counselors -- you don't know until you try.

And just because a counselor didn't help someone else save their marriage, that doesn't make them a bad counselor. Some people have no business being married to each other. (Not implying that is the case for you, but maybe it was for that other couple...)

[alison]

To me, it sounds like you two are warm, loving people, who would like to make the marriage work. If you go in with the attitude that you want to work on the marriage and for you to be able to voice your concerns about being able to reach out for support, then I don't see why counseling couldn't help. Counseling is a lot of work. I saw someone for anxiety, and left each session feeling like I needed a good nap! Holy cow! I had no idea that it was basically the therapist giving me tools to WORK through my issues. It's probably different when it's couples counseling, but don't expect to be told (or driven) to decisions that aren't your bag.

Good luck!!!

[spaz]

Oh... I wasn't thinking marriage counseling. I think our marriage is ok. I was thinking individual. Me for a host of issues, including not sleeping... His work/issues-depression. I wasn't thinking couples..

[Sheherezade]

I think they jumped to that because you expressed feeling overlooked in his busy schedule and that you don't have enough time together. It's a common refrain around here! Sounds like you have a great relationship just limited time, too much stress and impending changes with your oldest approaching college age.

I wish I had easy answers for you. I'm worried for your husband because it sounds like he's been beaten down by too much stress and clearly you are worried for him as well. *hugs*

[spaz]

nt