Supporting your husband questions/ supporting yourself...

[GreyhoundsRUs]

How the heck did the scheduler "accidentally" schedule over 2x as many procedures in a day? Was she trying to cover in case he had something cancel? I think you need to sit down with him and come up with an ideal schedule. Including time together and time for himself. Then, he needs to set up a plan to put that schedule into action. I can only imagine the pressures of being a rural doc, but something has to give, and it shouldn't be his health, happiness, or marital bliss!

As far as your happiness goes/feeling useful or purposeful, I would maybe start by thinking back to times when you were truly happy. What made you happy? How can you incorporate those things into your life? Maybe it's time to let the mission thing go for now - start from the ground-up rebuilding yourselves. Do you think your DH senses that you're not happy?

Just things to think about!

[spaz]

nt

[GreyhoundsRUs]

Is all the scheduling done by hand? Even using Excel should help keep his schedule straight...

[Meenah]

Something has to give. If cutting back at work isn't an option it sounds like the mission is the only thing to cut back on. Put yourself and your marriage ahead of the mission. While it is admirable to do mission work, how great can it be if it is at the expense of your health and happiness? Make yourself the mission.

[Sheherezade]

lonely-

Your life sounds a lot like mine and your husband's schedule is also very similar to my husband's, minus the Friday off because it's ALWAYS a catch up day! Your children are also at very similar stages. I think this phase of life is just HARD. It's busy, everyone has stuff going on of their own and it's hard to keep up with anything. I feel like I'm in a whirlwind all the time. Other members that have kids in high school and doc husbands will probably be able to echo that. I don't think the crazy and unpredictable nature is unique, but it's extra hard when you you are stressed about particular things or not crazy about your job.

I agree that it sounds like midlife stuff. It's a hard time; not surprising that so many people flip out in some type of "crisis" and marry a 20 year old, get a tattoo or buy a sports car. LOL It's crazy making stuff. One of our legendary members once posted that her long married parents muddled through their midlife crisis by painting everything in the house purple. I'm sure their teens thought they were nuts. Actually, that's a pretty mild midlife crisis!

We are muddling through and I know you and your DH are planning too as well. We've become addicted to yoga. We go together, sometimes separately. Our kids tease us. But, it's something. Maybe you two need to find your "something". Take up a hobby together? Learn to golf? Buy a cabin? Plan a "last hoorah" family vacation with everyone before the oldest heads to college? Or take up geneology? See if you can convince him to take on a project that you will enjoy together - and just hold on tight. It's a bumpy ride but you'll get through.

ETA: We have the same issues with scheduling. Sometimes he has surprise cases; he never really knows for certian what's going to hit him until the night before. I think it comes from being a "nice guy" and the schedulers know that he'll manage if they throw on extra cases at the last minute or on a non surgery day. Patients obviously want it done yesterday and my DH is always scheduled months out, so the schedulers scramble to get everyone in.

[spaz]

nt

[spaz]

nt

[GreyhoundsRUs]

What about taking a weekend trip, just you? I already told DH that when we're done with training, I'm taking 1 solo trip a year. At least

[ladymoreta]

We've been married for almost 13 years, and we have found that we do better if we have 2-3 talks per year about the state of our lives and marriage. It helps us to talk about our priorities. As our former pastor used to say, "look at where your time and money are going, and that is where your heart is". Of course, as a doctor, the amount of time spent at work isn't something they have much control over, but you both have to make sure the time outside of work reflects your true values. It sounds like there is a disconnect, and to quote him again, "Sometimes you have to say no to some really good things so you can say yes to the best things."

Big hugs. You are not alone.