How to address an envelope...

[GreyhoundsRUs]

When the wife hyphenated her last name? Mr. and Mrs. ______? Mr. S. and Mrs. A-S? For more informal - Bob and Betty _______??? I only have one friend who did this, and I only know because of FB. Since she has her own page, her name is listed at "Betty A-S" on Facebook. I'm at a loss as to how to address them together.

[Cinderella]

Usually in that case I'd fb the person and ask them how they'd like to be addressed, but I did Google the proper etiquette and found this:

The standard etiquette way is Ms. Mary Smith-Jones and Mr. Michael Jones (woman's name first). "Mrs." is not technically correct if a woman hyphenates so if you don't know her personal preference I would stick with Ms.

and

Any time two members of a married* couple have different names, you list each one separately, joined by "and". Contrary to over-simplified popular assumption, the "ladies first" rule does NOT apply in all situations. People's "business name", "formal name" and "informal name" are all different. Each one is supposed to be used in the right situation.


An envelope being sent through the public mails is a business document. Business names comprise title, given name or names and/or initial or initials. On an outside envelope mailed in the Engish-speaking world, outside the United States you would therefore use:


"Ms Mary Smith-Jones"


The names of the actual invitees will be clarified on the invitation write-in line or inner envelope. In the overtly egalitarian United States where husbands presumably are considered equally likely as wives to manage the family social calendar, the outer envelope would use:


"Mr. Michael Jones and Ms. Mary Smith-Jones"


-- mote the periods after the titles consistent with U.S. usage. The gentleman's name goes first so that he can "protect" his lady and "make way" for her in this dangerous public business environment (snort -- I am at least as competent to make my own way as most gentlemen I know, but it's nice to leave the gentlemen their illusions).


Formal names consist of the title and the surname only. On an inner envelope or formal invitation write-in line, you would use:


" Mr Jones and Ms Smith-Jones"


As above, formal situations are considered public, so the gentleman "takes point" just in case there are social snipers or etiquette landmines to be overcome.


Informal names consist of the primary given name or names, only. On an informal invitation you would use:


"Mary and Michael"


Informal situations are considered private and intimate, and therefore safe, so the gentleman steps back and lets the lady go first.


"Mr and Mrs Michael Jones" is correct only when the gentleman's business name is "Mr Michael Jones" and the lady's business name is "Mrs Michael Jones". Very few modern ladies style themselves in that way, but it is perfecty correct, and used to be the norm. My mother signed letters "Mrs Nestor Phipps" even though her given name was not -- thank goodness! -- "Nestor". In fact, traditional etiquette allows the title "Mrs" to be used only before a man's name: either the husband's surname, or the husband's given name followed by his surname, or the father's surname followed by the ex-husband's surname. All other usages require either "Ms" or "Miss" if you are choosing to follow traditional proper form.

Source

[poky]

If your only source for the hyphenation is Facebook, I'd ask. She might have just done it there so people can find her using her old last name.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

If your only source for the hyphenation is Facebook, I'd ask. She might have just done it there so people can find her using her old last name.

It caught my attention because it was hyphenated (Betty Ann A-S) and she didn't use her maiden name as her middle name (Betty A S) if that makes sense I only send them Christmas cards, and they didn't send any...

[MrsK]

My best friend hyphenates her name. I believe that the correct way is "Mrs. Michelle B_____-L__________ and Mr. William L___________." If last names are different, it's "Mrs. Judith G_______ and Mr. Robert S__________. It's ladies first if the content of the correspondence is social. If the correspondence is related to business, such as something sent to a group of doctors at work, then the most senior person is listed first regardless of his or her sex.

[Vanquisher]

I only use my maiden name on Facebook. When I got married, I dropped it completely and kept my middle name. It's only there so people can find me. You never know why people have what they do there. I would ask her.

[houseelf]

I thought that using a maiden name in conjunction with a married name was the norm on Facebook. Otherwise people would never find each other. I hyphenate only occasionally IRL for professional purposes, not as my legal, formal name. Nonetheless, I identify by both on FB, Twitter, and email.

[BonBon]

Probably safest to just ask. I have several friends hyphenate on FB, even though it's not their legal name. Myself, my maiden name *is* my middle name, and that confuses people too.

In fact, traditional etiquette allows the title "Mrs" to be used only before a man's name: either the husband's surname, or the husband's given name followed by his surname, or the father's surname followed by the ex-husband's surname. All other usages require either "Ms" or "Miss" if you are choosing to follow traditional proper form.

This rule strikes me as odd...I always thought "Mrs" was your title once you married.Huh.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

I'll ask, but it's good to know the rules regardless

[MrsK]

Mrs is your title once you marry even if you are divorced or widowed unless your ex re-marries. Ms is a modern invention intended for business correspondence in which you often don't know whether a woman is married and her marital status is irrelevant. However, I generally use Ms for any woman who is over 18 and unmarried. I use Miss for girls under 18 and unmarried in the same manner that Master is used for boys.

[weeniegeniewife]

That last rule bugs me. DH is remarried (obvs) but his ex still calls herself Mrs. Samelastname. She does it on purpose, and it confuses people. "Oh, we just received a call from Mrs. Samelastname." No, she's the ex, I am the Mrs. But soon it will be "Dr. and Dr.", so she can call herself Mrs. as much as she wants, and I won't care!

[GreyhoundsRUs]

That woman is all sorts of whack, WGW!