family for Christmas

I was truly excited about having our families at our house for Christmas. It has been a rough time for us and we mostly just wanted to have family near to enjoy the company and just lean on them. We were actually getting into the spirit of Christmas....until the families got here (insert the doorbell ringing and the excrutiating silence before opening the front door, from Nat'l Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, here).
Maybe I am more glum this year since we had a house full for six days....my parents were here for all of two of those days, then we had half a day of rest, then DW parents (driving all the way from Seattle) came in for Friday through this morning. They actually threatened to leave a day early because they thought there was too much stress in the house! (No s***?!) Nothing like driving nearly 2000 miles to make threats of leaving early in front of your only grandkids! My parents are always a quick stop, but it would have been nice to have been taken a little slower this year.

If it hadn't been for my online friends, this Christmas would have really sucked the life out of me....thank you.

Sorry 'bout that, Matt. When we moved far away from family we thought it would be a hard adjustment for us especially around the holidays. But we learned that with family comes family drama - something we absolutely do not miss. So we make our Christmas Day and Thanksgiving Day phone calls and end up having our own very nice, low-key celebration sans relatives. I think we do miss them a bit but not enough to deal with all the other stuff.

It does seem crazy to drive all that way and not stay very long though. Maybe they just didn't know how to deal with the situation and found it was easier to escape.

I think that you hit it right on the head.

On Sat. night my MIL left the room at 6:30p, when I changed the TV station from the Seattle FB game to see if there was something else on (during a commercial break in the game!). She then proceeded to sulk the remainder of the night without talking to anyone other than my FIL...the rest of the visit, I got the feeling that I was the cause of their uncomfort.


Oh well....

la la la la life goes on...

[SueC]

Our family visit this year was short and sweet--my parents came in the evening of the 23rd, my sister and brother-in-law came in Christmas Eve and everyone was gone Christmas Day. I thoroughly enjoyed their company during that short time, and they stayed in a hotel which was really nice as well! My husband was working most of the time so he got small doses of my family (he gets along with them but I think he has his limit, as do I with his family). I'd say this year was just about perfect! Sorry that your experience wasn't so great Matt--that was probably especially a let down after what you guys have been going through lately!

Matt, I'm sorry to hear that at a time when you needed your families to act as stress buffers they acted instead as stress inducers. It does seem harder when that happens around the holidays.
I found your perspective very interesting, Thu Van. I'm not sure where we will be for the holidays next year, but in some ways it is appealing to just stay in Oregon. In many ways we had a nice Christmas but each of our families can be a lot of work....

How are things going for you all, Matt?

Nellie, the thing is while I do love my family (I talk to one sister and my mom at least once a week), I have a total of 5 brothers and sisters, their spouses, and their children. That's alot of family. And there are alot of different personalities but the common link is that we come from a long line of people with defective brain to mouth barriers. If we think something, we speak it and that is not always a good thing. Honest, yes, brutal, many times. Throw in a little eggnog and spirits (aka truth serum) and you've got the mixins for all kinds of offensive remarks. We're like a Seinfeld episode in a bad way.

So I do miss the hubbub and family get-togethers in some aspects because mostly holidays are "family and those we love." But I figured long ago that it will never be the "picture print from Currier and Ives" because my family is just too crazy. His mom drives me absolutely batty after 24-48 hours so I think it was a mutual feeling for us to not have to do the family thing every Thanksgiving and Christmas. But we did do it for the first 6 years of our marriage and once we moved to SLC, it just wasn't financially feasible for us to all fly out for a week. Not to mention DH doesn't have the time off and we can't go to his family (in FL) and not mine (in TX). And since we are the only ones in both of our families that have moved far away, people aren't going to leave homebase to go to where we are. As it stands, we are okay with this. We have enjoyed setting up our own family traditions. It has also been nice to not have to deal with the added travel stress. And putting up our tree only to leave town then come home to have to put it all away.

Thu Van -- I didn't mean to imply that your family is as, uh, interesting as mine. But it is good to hear that there is a bright side to not traveling, etc to get together with family. With my parents divorced and the fact that they don't always get together with their families and DH's family....that leaves us with at least 5 possible places to go/things to do not including our little family. As much as I was thinking over the past few days how nice it would be to say, "We're staying in Oregon this year!", I was wondering if we would be doing just that and pining away for our families. So, your post was encouraging.
For us, one of the highlights of this year was thinking about creating our own traditions. Now that Bryn is older and she can participate in more activities, we had a lot of fun!

Nellie, I'm the first to admit my family is "interesting." We are actually quite a fun group and as brothers and sisters we get along quite well. It's the spouses who have married into the family that have problems with the rest of us and a few of us with them.

You're in Denver now but are considering a move to Oregon? Your family is in Oregon or no? What's the time frame on that?

Unfortunately, describing some of my family dynamics as "interesting" is being kind. Although they would probably be very interesting to someone writing their psychology dissertation!


We are definitely moving to Oregon in June 2004 for DH to start his dermatology residency in July 2004. (Sort of backwards -- he did a research fellowship before the actual residency....long story). No family in Oregon -- zero, zip, zilch! It will really be a new experience for us. My parents, brother, grandparents, and some aunts/uncles are in the vicinity. DH's parents are moving to Wisconsin sometime in the next year....so they wouldn't be in Denver anyway. His sister is in the area but I wouldn't be completely shocked if she moved to WI.