Baby Shower Drama

[DCJenn]

OK People-

My SIL (whom I truly love dearly, she was my Best Chick!) is pregnant and expecting the first niece/nephew in May. I offered to host a baby shower at my mother's house.

She just emailed me the list- and even taking in to account the people I have immediately removed (extraneous relatives) and people that I know won't come- it's still 46 people. My mother's house will hold about 20-25. My other thought is that a shower for that huge number of people, even if 30 actually show, we'd be sitting around watching her open gifts for four freaking hours- or more.

So, other than saying- "do you actually think people enjoy baby showers?" or "what on God's name are you thinking, do you think that many people give a rat's ass that you're having a baby?" or "not no but hell no"- what should I do? I was thinking of having a chat with my brother first, but he's such a freak these days that I'm not sure that would have the intended effect. I may just come out and say "mom's house holds 20 people plus us- pick them from the list". What do you all think?

I was thinking about doing a nice luncheon- not a freaking EVENT.

Jenn

Maybe you can gently suggest that she have two showers to break up the group (and find someone else to host the other one)? Maybe you can host close friends and family only? The other thing to keep in mind is that some people won't be able to come...especially any far away people that she listed because she felt like she had to. Good luck...

[SueC]

I think Jill's suggestion is a good one--surely she has a good friend that will want to host a shower for her as well and she can do one with family and another with friends. 46 people does sound like an awful lot!

Having never thrown a baby shower for anyone, all I can say is good luck!
Gretchen recently helped with a shower for a co-worker and it was an all afternoon ordeal. She was there from noon to about 6:30p, the actual shower didn't even start until 2:30....it was a surprise party so that may account for something, but still there were about 35-40 women there.

Again, good luck.....I like the idea of splitting it up, also.

[migirl]

I also like Jill's suggestion of asking if she'd like to break it up into two showers. My husband's stepsister had a shower for her first baby that had about 100 people in attendance - no joke. It was absolutely horrendous, we sat for hours while she opened gifts and oohed and aahed over everything.

Good luck to you, that was very thoughtful of you to offer to host a shower for her.

I like the idea of splitting it into a couple of showers. Saying something like, since mom's house holds 20 people, do you want this to be a shower for friends or family?

[PrincessFiona]

I think that the idea of splitting it up is a good one too, but I'm absolutely shocked by the number of women that she sent you. I thought that things like baby showers were just supposed to include your closest few friends? I have heard of friends who have had more than one baby shower to accomodate different people...and I think that is what you should do. The biggest baby shower that I've ever been to had 15 women...and I thought that that was a lot :P


kris

I thought that sounded like a lot, too! It seems a baby shower, like a wedding shower, could be split into friends, family, co-workers....to keep it managable.
I helped plan a wedding shower for a friend two years ago, and I thought the list of 20-25 she gave me was on the higher end. She also had a two family showers and a co-worker shower too. I think of her as knowing a lot of people! But 46! Wow! 8O

[PrincessFiona]

This is going to sound a bit rude of me...but isn't it sort of rude that when someone wants to have a party for you and asks you for a list of friends that you hand them a list of 46 people????? I'm sorry, Jenn...she is your sister-in-law and I'm sure that you love her, but if someone offered to have a party for me and wanted to have my list I would limit myself to under 10....of course.....that would be easy for me to do given my social skills...Hey...maybe I'm just jealous that this gal actually has 46 friends to invite.....


kris

[Sheherezade]

Hi--thought I'd put in a positive note...

I did a baby shower for my sister in law for around 35-40 people and it went fine. It was big because we (SIL and me) are both anti traditional shower so it was more of a celebrate the event thing with friends and family -male and female- couples and children etc. Actually all told there were probably 50 people. I did just coffee champagne and desserts and we did it early evening. I don't remember sitting around for hours watching gifts opened because it was more of a mix and mingle cocktail type atmosphere. It was fun. I also went to a big baby shower in the same vein for a friend in grad school that was great. It was margaritas and appetizers, again evening, male/female and a blast. No shower games or any of that --just people celebrating a life event of a good friend. So if the people invited aren't Aunt Sarah's friends or just casual friends invited out of obligation, and it is physically possible in your space and budget it can be more like a casual party and less like a formal shower.... Just thought I'd add this because my shower experience has been vastly different from the other posters. Small formal showers being the exception and more party type casual celebrations the norm.

Anyway, you and SIL are obviously on two different wavelengths. Maybe you should ask her what she was envisioning and who these people are on the list so you can get closer together on your ideas if your still going to do it.

Angie

[PrincessFiona]

Maybe you should ask her what she was envisioning and who these people are on the list so you can get closer together on your ideas if your still going to do it.

good suggestion, Angie!

[SueC]

That is a good idea--I guess now that I think about it, our shower was pretty huge, too, but we had it at our house (for convenience, I know it's a faux paus), and we had couples there with kids (if they had them). The guys ended up watching a football game, there was alcohol and snacks, no games, and people kind of drifted in and out/socialized while I opened up gifts. With a large number, I would wonder about who is supposed to cover the expense. For us, my husband and I, my parents and sisters contributed, but if you are covering the costs alone, then I think hosting a shower for that many people would be unreasonable.

What's the weather like out there? If she can't/won't pare down the number, tell her you've got to have it in the backyard to accommodate all the people. Then maybe she might reconsider. If she still insists then a backyard 'cue will be in order. At least the whole house won't be affected by the crowd.

[PrincessFiona]

I just talked to a friend of mine who is more....worldly and knowledgeable about these things....she says that there is nothing abnormal about a huge shower like this....and she's "been to and planned" several. She told me that at big showers the gifts are opened later when the guests are gone.

I guess I'm behind the power curve on this one. Come to think of it, I've seen plenty of "A Baby Story" showers that looked like there were at least 25 people there.

kris

[Sheherezade]

I think it is just a local culture thing--but I'd love to consider myself "wordly"!
Culture aside, you can only do what you can do--if the group doesn't fit then obviously SIL wasn't thinking too clearly when she made up the list!!

Angie