How to support your husband

[spaz]

nt

[GrayMatterWife]

I have no fucking clue what you're talking about.

Spaz/Lonelywife: The homeschooling boards that your frequent: are they Christian oriented? Some of the Christian homeschooling boards I have visited I have found to be very alienating. And I am religious, and we include religious education as part of our homeschooling! I would love to find a homeschooling website of Christian moms who swear and feel like they are at the end of their rope somedays, and are pretty sure that there is little chance that prayer is going to help in the short run! Haha!

Here, many of us use salty language. Many of us don't. Some of us try to use it less. Some of us wish we could use it more effectively. And some of us are selective (for example, I use vulgarity but not profanity--neither of which are particularly attractive, but I do not take the Lord's name in vain.) Some of us use "Gawd!" as a way to avoid offending others by using the Lord's name in vain. A few are religious Jews and use "G-D," the common practice among the observant. You get a broad swath of "potty mouth" practitioners here!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

You get a broad swath of "potty mouth" practitioners here!

We embrace diversity in most things including potty mouths...I guess we really only lack diversity in what our spouses do...

[diggitydot]

We embrace diversity in most things including potty mouths...I guess we really only lack diversity in what our spouses do...

I dunno -- we have a lot of different specialists. Does that count?

[HouseofWool]

We embrace diversity in most things including potty mouths...I guess we really only lack diversity in what our spouses do...

I guess my ex is the outlier there! UPS just isn't what I expected for a quarter million dollar education...

[diggitydot]

I guess my ex is the outlier there! UPS just isn't what I expected for a quarter million dollar education...

Ok, I'll give you that.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I guess my ex is the outlier there! UPS just isn't what I expected for a quarter million dollar education...

One in every crowd...

[Vishenka69]

We're in our 30s but DH has been an attending for 6 years and has already been through a lawsuit and trial. It was very stressful but the firm retained by his malpractice company has a great track record and he really clicked with his lawyer, which helped a lot. I agree that talking to a colleague who went through the process should be very helpful.

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[houseelf]

Welcome to the boards, spaz.

It sounds like you are at a critical junction in your life and you need support. Your posts suggest that you feel alone in your journey. Members here have shared their trials and tribulations through malpractice lawsuits, failed boards, career ending crises, bureaucratic nightmeres affecting the physician's ability to practice, marital stress and divorce, mental illness, the loss of a child, alcoholism, sexual abuse, betrayal, fraudulent siphoning of funds from a practice, abusive in laws, affairs, cancer, infertility, crushing debt, and overwhelming medical diagnoses. These are just the big issues that come to mind. As a new member in the public forum only, it is difficult to determine exactly the depth and breadth of the experience here. It is understandable that you seek comfort and kindred spirits. I guarantee that whatever you are going through is a path that someone else has already traveled. Please come on in and get to know us. In some ways the members of this board could not be different. In other ways, we all understand that we are on a similar journey. I wish you peace as you go through this time. Welcome.

[DrBandMe]

Eloquently stated, houself. +1

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Welcome to the boards, spaz.

It sounds like you are at a critical junction in your life and you need support. Your posts suggest that you feel alone in your journey. Members here have shared their trials and tribulations through malpractice lawsuits, failed boards, career ending crises, bureaucratic nightmeres affecting the physician's ability to practice, marital stress and divorce, mental illness, the loss of a child, alcoholism, sexual abuse, betrayal, fraudulent siphoning of funds from a practice, abusive in laws, affairs, cancer, infertility, crushing debt, and overwhelming medical diagnoses. These are just the big issues that come to mind. As a new member in the public forum only, it is difficult to determine exactly the depth and breadth of the experience here. It is understandable that you seek comfort and kindred spirits. I guarantee that whatever you are going through is a path that someone else has already traveled. Please come on in and get to know us. In some ways the members of this board could not be different. In other ways, we all understand that we are on a similar journey. I wish you peace as you go through this time. Welcome.

Per usual, exactly what I was thinking, 100x better than I could have said it myself.

As a residency spouse, I so value the perspectives of those both further and less far along the training track. I learn a lot from both perspectives and would also say that we have a lot of non-trads here that may be "younger" from a training perspective but are older (or younger and just way more mature in some area) in "life" than I am.

[spaz]

So there really isn't much I can do.. Just practice self-care for me. .

[Rapunzel]

I highly recommend you find out for yourself what your state's malpractice laws include (protections, caps, attempts at settlement prior to trial). At the very least it will help you know when your husband has a valid worry vs. something that he really shouldn't focus on.

And, yes, the language was something for me to get use to as well. Different groups have different ideas with acceptable word usage. I would say that most Americans pepper their conversation with curse words or vulgarity on a perpetual basis, so this particular group could probably be called tame. lol Of course, I was coming from a devout Mormon perspective at first, so even "darn" was walking a line. lol

I am also a homeschooler married to an attending who has been out of training for a number of years.

[rufflesanddots]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds extremely stressful. I had a professor tell me once that lawsuits can be boiled down to this: How much is your mad worth? For some people it's worth a years long legal battle, paying upwards of 40% of their settlement to their attorney, reimbursing the attorney/firm for thousands and thousands of dollars in expenses, and putting their lives on hold to try and get something that will never reverse whatever perceived wrong was done. Are some suits warranted? Absolutely. It sounds like this isn't that situation, though.

No one here knows what the facts are surrounding your husband's case, but it sounds like everyone here knows a lawsuit is almost inevitable when practicing medicine. That doesn't make it less painful for your family, but I hope it assuages some of his anger/guilt/fear. Also, for what it's worth, being named in a suit doesn't necessarily mean the suit will go very far. It could be dismissed early on, or it could settle as the parties get further into the discovery process. I'm just a lowly pre-M1 spouse though, so please defer to these ladies for more experienced advice.

[avaross09]

Just be supportive & calm make sure that he always has your support.