Friends

[spaz]

nt

[Thirteen]

You have to be willing to put yourself out there, dating style. Small events and venues, small talk, etc. After a while (usually about an hour), I can tell if I'm interested enough to further more outings and work towards a deeper friendship connection. The people I choose, I make time for - set up activities, text or call. After a while, I'm on their radar too.
I'm an introvert, and 2 hours seems to be my limit before I need to retreat.
Making a friend can be exhausting for me, but I think sharing yourself with others to find friendship is exhausting no matter what your personality type.
Time and depth contribute to good friendships - there are some people that don't really care for depth, so don't force a connection if you feel that person is simply looking for an acquaintance (and vice versa).


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[ladymoreta]

As far as meeting friends, I'm struggling, too. I think there's a lot of luck involved, which can make it frustrating. Like Thirteen said, there's a lot of just putting yourself out there to increase the opportunities. And there's a lot of hard work. Our best friends live 3.5 hours away, but we try to see each other at least every couple months. If you're wanting to be friends with an introvert, you'll probably be doing most of the scheduling and inviting. (Look at how often they accept rather than how often they return an invitation.)

[spaz]

please remove this thread.

Thanks

[PrincessFiona]

I read this earlier on my phone and came back to answer but it looks like most of the post has been removed. I can't remember most of the post and was planning on re-reading before I responded. Darn.

The therapist aside (we also live in a smaller community and there is an interweb of colleagues who see each other as patients), I think it's harder to meet friend as we get older. I realize for myself that I am pretty isolated. I've stopped ... trying to make friends though. We spent so many years moving and then had such a tough time adjusting to the community here when we settled ... at some point I turned to creating pockets of people in my life. I would not say that I have many IRL friends ... at least not that I meet with regularly. I am going to school right now and I have met some people in my classes. It's a small school and many of us know each other from previous semesters. I get my face-to-face socializing there. Beyond that, I don't do any socializing anymore and I have simply learned to live with that. I miss people, but I've sort of given up. I know that sounds terrible. It just is what it is.

I think a lot about how the social world has changed since I had my first child. To me, it feels like since the internet and texting have grown up, that people socialize much less. I don't know if it's related to people connecting briefly online on Facebook and then not needing that face-to-face communication or if it's a function of how busy we all are now that we have teenagers and older children? I do know that my level of connectivity with people has changed....so I feel your pain.

Kris

[PrincessFiona]

Why didn't you leave the original question only? I just tried to edit for you and it is all gone.

[Ladybug]

I find this stage of life to be so family-intensive (young kids, naps, early bedtimes) that it doesn't leave us much time for adult friendships. Whenever we do have a very occasional dinner with friends I always think, "I forgot how much fun this is." All of our friends we know through kids activities and work (his and mine). The people that we click most with have a lot of shared experiences or interest (kids, activities, hobbies, clubs) and that initial experiences is then cemented by personality clicks. I really like to laugh and especially enjoy positive people with a healthy dose of humor. I would say humor is the number one draw for me. I'm a sucker for wit, but I dislike sarcasm or mean-spirited humor. There is a big difference IMO. The biggest challenge at this stage is time. When the kids can stay up later it will be fun to have some game nights with friends and their kids.