Santa

[migirl]

How far do you go in perpetuating the myth of Santa in your family?

There's been a debate recently about this on a local parenting board here, and I found the topic so fascinating.

Responses ranged from, "I'm an adult with kids of my own and I *still* don't acknowledge to my own parents that Santa is real!" to, "We want our kids to be able to trust us no matter what and perpetuating the myth of Santa feels like lying, so we don't believe in Santa in our house."

We don't go overboard in the Santa department here, we just mention here and there about how Santa's coming or Santa will bring the presents, etc. But I don't do a whole lot extra to perpetuate the myth; we don't put out milk and cookies on Christmas Eve (honestly I just forget and the kids never ask), we don't do Elf on the Shelf, etc.

I guess that explains why my kids aren't super into Santa, but I'm just curious what other families do.

[Michele]

We do milk and cookies and carrots. Everyone the kids come into contact with mentions Santa, but I rarely do. They do Elf on a Shelf at school and my sister does it. She takes her kids to see Santa. Mine only did because he was at the winter festival we went to.

I guess I would say I don't discourage the whole Santa idea, but I don't go out of my way to encourage it. I don't view it as lying. I view it the same way as magic shows and fairy tales. It's more fun to believe that it's true.

We also don't have a religious slant to our holiday at all either. Most holidays in my house are just celebrations of love, goodwill, hope, etc with family, food and fun.

[Ladybug]

I told DD10 this year because she was asking questions. We celebrate St. Nick and that's when this transpired, and I explained that the tradition of Santa evolved as a way of honoring Saint Nick, a historical person. I figured when she started asking questions I wanted to be honest so she didn't think other unseen realities were made up. We talked a lot about the difference between fun customs and religious significance. She understands the importance of allowing her siblings to enjoy the tradition until they're older. Santa has always brought one gift for each child, so most of the gifts are from family.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

I read an interesting opinion about Santa. When you are getting your kids ready to go to Disney, do you spend time prepping them that the characters aren't real? No, you just let them enjoy DD1 (2yo) "knows" Santa brings presents for Christmas, but hates Santa IRL (at the mall, etc). There won't be any presents she gets tomorrow morning that specifically come from Santa. My mom makes a BFD about Santa to the kids, even has my dad dress up as Santa after we told her DD would freak the fuck out. Next year, even though she'll be older, I'm laying my foot down with no Santa visit. She does it because her sister does.

DH is firmly in the "not lying" camp. Since we don't put any presents under the tree until Christmas Eve anyway, there is still that "wow, look at all the packages" on Christmas morning. I think we are just not going to focus on it at the house. DD is also insistent that we get cupcakes for Jesus's birthday As the girls get older, we will introduce them to the historical St. Nick as a role model.


Wife of a PGY-4 Orthopod

[Vanquisher]

We don't do Santa. And, it's more than just the lying thing that bugs me.

1. The lying. Yes, it is the number one reason. Yes, before we went to Disney, I did prep my kids that the characters aren't real. It's just a lie on top of a lie on top of a lie. You have to keep lying. It does undermine trust.

2. It's creepy. I don't want my kids thinking some weirdo is watching them all the time. Elf on a shelf exacerbates this.

3. I've seen too many screaming kids forced to sit on Santa's lap. And this is fun? Alexia says he probably smells like ham. I think he probably smells like booze and cigarettes.

4. Chad has taken care of at least one "Santa" in the hospital. A real gem. Class A pervert who wanted to make sure his nurses shaved their pubic hair among other things.

5. I think it takes AWAY from the spirit of giving, not enhances it. We give because we love and care about people, especially individuals in our lives. We don't need some stranger with a sweat shop full of elves doing it in our stead. We want to give and we want to see our kids want to give.

6. The inequality of it all. So, was Frankie a better kid than Sally because he's a little shit a school, but he got 45 presents. He told me at school. Sally got a doll and socks. She's the nicest girl I know!

7. It can be crushing or at least sad to find out he's not real. You've stood up for him at school. You look like an idiot. Thanks.

8. Is more magical and loving that your parents pull this off for you!! They appreciate some of the amount of work that you do and are more grateful, IMO. Can they appreciate it fully? Not yet, but it's better than the Santa crap.

I actually hate Santa and it pisses me off when strangers ask my kids about him especially in front of other kids who do believe. My kids handle it well and go along with it because they've been taught that they shouldn't ruin this "fun" horrible thing for other kids.

[SuzySunshine]

We do the Elf, we do visits with Santa at the mall - this year was the first year R finally sat on his lap. We read Polar Express, ride the Holiday Express train that comes to KC, but I think when the kids ask questions we'll be honest with them. We usually do a few presents from Santa and a few from us on Christmas, ours are wrapped the Santa ones aren't. When they start asking we'll talk about St. Nick's day (which A learned about at school this year and asked us why we didn't celebrate it) and how he's a symbol of giving but we also stress constantly during the holiday season that Jesus is the reason for the season.

ETA: If you are ever going to hire a Santa for an event, etc make sure you do all of the necessary background checks etc or hire them from a reputable company. Like Heidi said there are DEFINITELY some perverts out there! As the marketing manager at the mall all of our Santas were hired from here: http://www.naturallysantainc.com they are all WELL background checked, etc. and while none of them are perfect most of them are great guys with families/grandkids of their own who just love sharing the Christmas spirit. I LOVE the Santa we hired in Roch and I really want to take the kids back to see him next year.

[HouseofWool]

I do Santa and 11 year old hasn't really figured it out yet. However, I don't make a big deal about, I don't tell the kids that he is watching them, I don't do Elf on the Shelf.

In fact, I was wondering if the whole thing would go up in flames this year bc Santa came a day early at our house bc they are spending the night of Christmas Eve with their dad.

[houseelf]

Lots of interesting tangents here.

We're middle ground. We definitely don't go out of our way to keep the myth alive. I feel like once a kid starts asking hard questions, the gig is up. So far this happened at age 6 and 7 in this house, so yes, the myth is explained on the younger side. Santa only brings one big gift, unwrapped by the fire place. All the other presents are from mom and dad under the tree. It is a sweet tradition and this is how we explain it. The Easter bunny really never existed and the tooth fairy has always been on shaky ground. While I think each family sorts this out for themselves, you can let your kid believe too long and then they feel like the last man out of the playground.

Elf on the Shelf? Hell no. Just no. This is part of a broader belief for me that Christmas is so over the top already. It has been hijacked by retailers and Halmark to create this smarmy, false sense of peace and happiness. Fortunately, my college friends apprised me what a PITA the Elf is and I was grateful for the heads up.

RE: Disney experience. While I don't specifically state that "these characters aren't real!" I do talk to my kids about make believe. My middle child could get scared on ride and I wanted her to keep in mind that this is fantasy. Disney is supposed to be fun, not a terrifying experience. There is nothing worse than gritting your teeth at your kid informing them that they are going to get on that Dumbo ride and enjoy themselves. LOL. In fact, talking about the engineering and safety and the people behind the scene makes her more interested in the whole experience. (She tends to overthink things and be anxious. I have *no* idea where she gets this from. :eyeroll More importantly, I hammer home that while Disney is a wonderful place, it is important to remember basic safety rules. When people travel, they can get swept up and are sort of "off" their usual game. It is easy for an accident to happen and for people to let down their guard and become an easy target. Hell, even I feel a bit out of sorts when I'm trying to remember what the rental car looks like, where the hotel is, when I am supposed to meet so and so. Think about how easy it would be for a kid to forget all the basic safety rules and wander off or something bad to happen because they're so caught up in the magic of the moment.

[MarissaNicole]

I plan to handle it a lot like houseelf. I don't want to go to great lengths to keep the myth alive and I also want Christmas to be more focused on the birth of Jesus.

ETA- thanks for making me feel less inadequate because I don't plan on doing the elf either! But it seems like that's the new norm!

Wife to PGY4

[spotty_dog]

I am having a heck of a time responding to this thread because my kids keep lurking over my shoulder.

Heidi, all those points are on my mind when we handle Santa at my house. But here's the thing. The only Santa around -- the ONLY Santa, period -- is the kindergarten teacher's dad and my son's classmate's Grandpa. That's the only lap my kids sit on, and last week when he walked into my daughter's Christmas party and DD jumped up and ran to say hi and give him hugs, it was kind of precious.

We tell the kids that the reason we give at Christmastime is because we love the recipient and want them to be happy. So, "Gosh, do you think that means that Santa must be incredibly special, to have love for SO many people, even people he hasn't met?" We follow Santa's lead when we give to the food bank, etc. and try to make life a little better for people we'll never see in person.

I try not to do the punitive side of Santa, but my kids are a little obsessed this year with the song about "You better not pout, you better not cry" and about the stories we've told them about how some naughty children might get coal and switches in their stockings. The lurking, santa-reporting elf is definitely right out!

[mommax3]

We have never "done" Santa at all. Our decorations, celebrations, etc. focus on the religious aspect of Christmas.

[Auspicious]

The gig was up for Cora this past summer at 5.5. The nail in the coffin there was that it's really built into the modern Santa story that adults don't believe in Santa and/or that big kids are doubters--a lot of books and movies make a point of that. Though they go on to demonstrate the characters overcoming their doubts, Cora wasn't buying that part at all--"Why would all the adults not believe in something that is real?" We deflected her questions from basically last Christmas till summer, when it came up again and it was clearly over. We told her that every kid deserves the chance to figure it out for themselves like she did and every family handles it differently, and it would really not be nice or okay to spill the beans to any other kid. As far as I can tell she's stuck to that.

The four-year-old still believes this year, but I've already had to answer many questions with "um, because Santa can do magic" AND squirm my way out of a conversation about what Toys for Tots is! Santa and the need for our charitable giving don't coexist very well.

That said, they are still both very vivid pretenders and Christmas is so much fun. We were gifted an Elf on the Shelf. We read the book that came with it, and I said, "That's a fun story. I'm going to hide the elf every night and you guys see if you can find it each day. No touching him or he's going to stay in the same spot." They've still pretended he's magic and talk about him like he's alive each night, even though I TOLD them otherwise in the beginning. I, of course, play along. (Our elf does nothing elaborate--he just hides.) I kind of expect Santa will go on that way for a while even after no one in our house believes anymore--a mutual fiction we all still get a big kick out of.

P.S. Oh, and the Tooth Fairy is the same way--she asked about it this summer in the Santa conversation, we told her the truth (before she'd lost even one tooth :-/ ) but we still all pretend, even when Hazel's not there. I know she remembers, though, because after I'd collected her tooth she asked me when we were alone if she could please look at it again.

[GrayMatterWife]

We talk about Santa, but I have never sold him as "real." First, I am a bad liar. Second, I am uncomfortable with not being truthful. I know lots of parents for whom it works and it is a special family tradition. I pass no judgment. It's just not our thing.

Instead, we focus on the real St. Nicholas, who was an early church bishop. We have a great children's book on St. Nicholas, and we celebrate St. Nicholas Day on December 6th. And I explain how St. Nicholas is the basis for the tradition of Santa. That Santa embodies the generous loving spirit of St. Nicholas, who in turn reflected the love Christ had for all his children--all mankind.

I also tell my kids: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES can you DISCUSS AT SCHOOL that we don't treat Santa as "real." I tell them: DO NOT COMMENT. Don't ruin the Christmas traditions of others, just because it is not our tradition. They have followed this, thus far. It's not weird for them. We live in a really religiously diverse community. A significant minority of people are not Christians and a lot of people who have Christian backgrounds only nominally practice. So they are used to the fact that people celebrate different holidays, and celebrate the same holidays differently.

[diggitydot]

Santa in our house is more of a feeling and a generosity of spirit instead of a corporeal person. We neither encourage nor discourage belief in "Santa".

For instance, DH discovered one of his patients bawling in his exam about not being able to provide a single gift for her children and grandchildren living with her. He came home and asked if we could "do something to help". All 5 of us went a and picked out items for the family, including dinner. That is the spirit of Santa in our house.

Yes, our kids like receiving gifts, but that isn't "Santa". Santa is the joy we feel in giving to others. Particularly those unable to do so for themselves.

[SoonerTexan]

I guess I would say I don't discourage the whole Santa idea, but I don't go out of my way to encourage it. I don't view it as lying. I view it the same way as magic shows and fairy tales. It's more fun to believe that it's true.

I pretty much agree with this and everything on here. N isn't getting any Santa gifts this year. We did do St. Nicholas and I love that tradition because I grew up with it and appreciate the religious aspect. My mom "sort of" did Santa when we were little, but I'm not sure how many of us really believed. I'm not sure I ever did, and I don't feel bad about it. I'm going to have to ask my siblings tomorrow! I don't feel like I missed out on anything by not believing.

That being said, we did take N to see the Santa down the street. I've mentioned this before, but just 4 houses down there is a guy (apparently a dentist) who has been doing Santa in his front yard for 26 years! One of my friends went and saw him as a child. He has a nativity scene and sleigh set up in front of his house and the week before Christmas he is out there every day from 6:30-8:30. They play Christmas music and people even drive to bring their kids. No line!! Take your own pics!! (I'll never be braving a mall for $30 worth of pictures)

Ironically, I've told a few people about this and they say, "That's kind of creepy."

Really? REALLY? The neighbor who is a very established entity doing it for fun is creepy compared to the anonymous guy doing it as a job in the mall?