How well do you accept criticism?

[PrincessFiona]

I've gotten a lot better about it as I get older, but it still really depends on the person giving it and the reason for the criticism. If I'm at school and I'm getting constructive feedback on a role play, I'm receptive. If my parents offer their 'constructive feedback' on my parenting, I get my knickers in a twist. I don't usually say something if I feel criticized, but I can still sometimes stew over my hurt feelings. I generally am pretty bad about accepting criticism from dh. I'm not sure why.

Kris

[Pollyanna]

I'm like LSW, my self worth doesn't ride on what others say to me, I'm honest enough with myself to realize that I screw up and if someone calls me on it cool. It also doesn't bother me when people are criticizing just to criticize. Those folks will get a smile and something along the lines of, "hmm, interesting thought", then I'll shut down the conversation because I do not have time for stupid.

[GrayMatterWife]

Wait?!?! What are you saying? I've done something wrong? I deserved to be criticized?! WTF?!?!?! Where do you get off criticizing me, anyway! Screw you! Are you suggesting I CAN'T handle criticism? I handle criticize EXTREMELY WELL! GO STUFF IT!

[spaz]

People don't criticize me much. I try very, very hard to do things correctly or the way people want so they will be happy with me. If you tell me I've done something wrong, then I have failed terribly. For example, my husband wanted to deep clean the playroom: move the couch, take the couch apart, move the furniture and vacuum under it, dust the stereo, etc... I had trouble with that and it made me feel like he was saying that I don't do a good job. If I was a good housekeeper then he wouldn't need to do that. I tried to defend that the kids and I had just cleaned it not long ago, but not as deeply as what he was suggesting. He asked if it was ok if we did it and I didn't know how to answer... He got really frustrated... I finally started crying and he didn't understand what the big deal was about him wanting to clean. He didn't think I was a failure and he considers the moving the furniture and taking the couch apart to be his job. It doesn't mean I'm a failure..

I tend to hide my mistakes like the rare late bill. My therapist has been working with me to admit mistakes and see them as ok. I still don't see how mistakes are ok. To me, it means you try harder so there is nothing to criticize. Hubby and I both hate hurting each other's feelings and try to avoid conflict so don't hurt each other...

[diggitydot]

How well do you accept criticism?

It usually surprises me that anyone would have the delusion that I might care about their opinions of me, one way or the other.

There are maybe 2 people whose opinions matter to me, my DH and my grandfather. Oddly enough, neither have EVER criticized me. That's not to say we haven't disagreed over the years, but there's never been criticism.

[reciprocity]

I've become much better about receiving criticism (which I think is a survival skill at a firm like mine) but I still get upset when I can tell that the criticism is about something other than my work, or when the criticism is being given an an unhelpful way. For example, someone handing me back a brief saying "this isn't good, please re-do" will really set me off, and I've learned to be like "can we have a call or a face-to-face so I can get a bit more direction." That pisses some people off, but oh well.

I also used to get SUUUPER angry when people would try to help with things that I'd tried five times already, as if they were implying that I was too stupid to figure it out on my own. I've worked really hard to appreciate that they are trying to help, and it's hardly their fault if they aren't as brilliant as I am.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

Fine, I think. I always handled work reviews well. I appreciate critiques on my photography. DH doesn't really criticize me. Ask me again when either DD starts expressing their opinions on my clothes, etc

[moonlight]

I hate it. I try hard to tow the line at work and I just hate it when I'm corrected. Its good when people are nice about it. I can get really upset if the person is being really stupid about it or heaven forbid they are the one in the wrong, not me! lol! Its just really hard for me.

[BonBon]

It depends on who it's coming from, and what it's about. If it's from someone whom I respect, and it's given in a constructive way that is actually helpful then I am all over it. I do not mind being told I'm wrong/need to tweak something/etc if it's true. That's not to say that it's easy to hear.

Now if it's from someone who I don't think highly of in the first place? Or about a subject I know more about than they do? Ummm. I do try to be polite.

[Vanquisher]

Not well at all. It cuts me hard. I take any little thing someone says and extrapolate it to mean something huge.

"Heidi, you shouldn't have said that."

means

"I am a horrible, negative, awful person that no one likes. Everything I say or do is wrong. I am a complete failure."

Yeah. I'm not good at it at all. People can say benign or even positive things, and I turn them into my own self-loathing dialogue.

[SuzySunshine]

I've gotten a lot better about it as I get older, but it still really depends on the person giving it and the reason for the criticism.

This! DH has a friend that is a Mr. Know it all - if he's the one giving it, forget it, I take offense and am pissed off for the rest of the day. Good friends I'm usually ok with it but I've also learned not to judge, I'm trying REALLY hard to stop judging other people because you NEVER really know the whole story.

[ladymoreta]

I handled it okay at work, like many of you said by either correcting myself if they were right or dismissing it of they were wrong. Now? Parenting and housekeeping are all I do, and I take it really personally. I don't think my parents or in-laws see much value in my being a SAHM (but my in-laws at least try to pretend they do), so I get really hurt when they make comments about how I should be doing more or when they imply I'm lazy.

[Ladybug]

I handle it OK in the areas I'm secure in. I handle it (inwardly) poorly in the areas I'm insecure in. I don't handle it well at all from my parents! I always want to scream, "Oh yeah, well you're the ones who screwed me up in the first place!!!" Cuz I'm so big on personal responsibility

[HouseofWool]

The source is really important. If my boss says I need to work on something - then I buckle down and fix that issue and try to tackle another while I'm at it.

But if the ex says something? Even though I KNOW that everything that comes out of his mouth is a reflection on him and not me, it make my blood boil and I have a difficult time keeping my cool.

[MrsK]

I've become much better about receiving criticism (which I think is a survival skill at a firm like mine) but I still get upset when I can tell that the criticism is about something other than my work, or when the criticism is being given an an unhelpful way. For example, someone handing me back a brief saying "this isn't good, please re-do" will really set me off, and I've learned to be like "can we have a call or a face-to-face so I can get a bit more direction." That pisses some people off, but oh well.

This. I spent my first two years of law practice crying in the ladies room. Good thing I was the only woman at my firm. No one ever knew. A little of what Abigail said too. If it's unwarranted, I get defense. Then, I'll struggle in private over whether the criticism was warranted - even the wacky way out of line stuff like when the Mean Moms ganged up on me or when my MIL says that my hair is weird. I've gotten a lot more confident defending myself in the moment if it is rational to do so or when my children become the target.

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