Baptism Invite Etiquette

[SoonerTexan]

Baby J will be baptized at the end of April. I like to make it a big deal because it is important to us, so I planned on having a party after the baptism ceremony. Lunch and cake at our house--nothing over the top.

Question 1: Is it weird to just invite people to the party and not the ceremony? This is a group Baptism ceremony at the church and the only English one in April so I expect it will be crowded with at least 5 infants, maybe more. Our family alone numbers 15 people and I really hate to imply that people need to go--I'd rather just have them there afterwords to celebrate. At least half aren't Catholic anyway. So weird to invite them to a "Baptism" that is just a party? If someone really wants to come to the ceremony I have no issue with that at all, I just feel like people will feel obligated to go if the info is there. That and I want 30-40 min of time in between the ceremony and party to get out the food, etc.

Question 2: Is there a nicer way of saying "No Gifts Please" or should I just say that? Many of these people have given baby gifts or food already and I don't want them to feel obligated to bring anything else. And frankly...the kid doesn't need anything else!

[Chrisada]

I think just inviting for the party is completely fine.

For the no gift thing I had a friend say Something like your "Your presence is present enough" or something like that. But some people will still bring gifts and make those who actually didn't bring them feel awkward. It always happens in my experience for spelled out no gift parties.


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[L.Jane]

I've got no etiquette answer on the first part, but as for the gifts, at the bottom of your invite you can just put, No gifts are necessary, the gift of your presence is present enough. People who want to get a gift are going to ignore you anyway. You could also put, in lieu of gifts, donations to (insert charity here) are appreciated.

eta: xposted with Chrisada

[Deebs]

I think most people completely understand the size limitations of a public baptism. Not weird at all to just invite them to the party if that's your setup.


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[KlynK]

Maybe on the invite you can have it labeled as a Celebration of X's Baptism. I'm not an etiquette expert but I wouldn't be offended to get an invite to a celebration of a Baptism but not the actual Baptism itself.

[GrayMatterWife]

I think it is understandable that you not invite everyone to the ceremony, but--I'll be honest--I would be really disappointed, if I were one of the guests. Baptisms are so important and moving. If I was close enough to the family to be invited to the party, I would definitely be at the baptism itself, if invited. It is a privilege and a responsibility to be there when the priest asks the parishioners if they will support this child in their Christian life, etc. I have been to many baptisms that were standing room only, and I have never heard the guests complain. It is encouraging to see so much support. The non-Christians who have shared the moment seemed truly moved and honored to be there.

I would just write on the invitations: "Your presence is the present that would honor this special occasion. Please no gifts--just come to share in our joy!" or something like that. What the others said re: this.

[GrayMatterWife]

But some people will still bring gifts and make those who actually didn't bring them feel awkward.

I HATE THAT. It makes people feel terrible--Iike a total heel, that they somehow didn't get the "inside" reality that a gift was appropriate. HATE THAT. If you genuinely cannot sleep at night without getting a gift…MAIL IT. Pottery Barn has a gift-wrap service. Mail it to the house so that it is not an issue at the party and the moment is not about YOU.

[Chrisada]

I always feel like an asshole because I actually don't get a gift when it's explicitly written. I remember a woman still had everyone go in on a damn gift. I was the jerk who said um no I'm not going in. The invite says "no gifts." So annoying.


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[Pollyanna]

I think it is understandable that you not invite everyone to the ceremony, but--I'll be honest--I would be really disappointed, if I were one of the guests. Baptisms are so important and moving. If I was close enough to the family to be invited to the party, I would definitely be at the baptism itself, if invited. It is a privilege and a responsibility to be there when the priest asks the parishioners if they will support this child in their Christian life, etc. I have been to many baptisms that were standing room only, and I have never heard the guests complain. It is encouraging to see so much support. The non-Christians who have shared the moment seemed truly moved and honored to be there.

I would just write on the invitations: "Your presence is the present that would honor this special occasion. Please no gifts--just come to share in our joy!" or something like that. What the others said re: this.

All of this.

[moonlight]

I'm one of those people that has to really force myself not to bring a gift if asked not to. It just feels all wrong and rude to show up to a birthday party, or something like this a Baptism empty handed. Especially when the host is feeding me and especially when I know the spread is gonna be goooood. Would you be ok with a Baptism card and a gift card/cash? Then again if I had already shelled out for a baby shower I might not feel all that bad about not bringing another big gift.

[v-girl]

If I just have to give a gift (saw that perfect something that just had to be bought), I give it in private.

I am with those who would want to go to the baptism if at all possible.

[Curegirl]

I'm one of those people that has to really force myself not to bring a gift if asked not to. It just feels all wrong and rude to show up to a birthday party, or something like this a Baptism empty handed. Especially when the host is feeding me and especially when I know the spread is gonna be goooood. Would you be ok with a Baptism card and a gift card/cash? Then again if I had already shelled out for a baby shower I might not feel all that bad about not bringing another big gift.

This is me too. Whether it's going over to someone's house for dinner or a birthday party, I always feel inclined to take something!

[MAPPLEBUM]

Question, how many people are you inviting and how well do you know them? It requires extra leg work but i usually try to contact each guest before the invitation to know whats going on with them and so they know i personally want them there. It will give you the chance to see which side of the fence they fall on and just say "you know, its gonna be packed, and whats important to us is getting a chance to spend time and celebrate with you (aka just come to the party.)"

I like the "presence is present enough" but no matter i still feel like a tool showing up without something (so i usually bring booze )

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[SoonerTexan]

I need to look again. About 50 people outside of young kids but I don't expect at least 1/3-1/2 to show.

[alison]

Are the ones who aren't Catholic still religious?

I wouldn't be offended by only being invited to the party. I'm not religious, and I don't really like being in churches.