Need advice/awkward friend situation

[BonBon]

Given you have a reason to contact her (you missed her at the reunion), I think it is fair to email and just say she was missed and leave it at that.

this.

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[GreyhoundsRUs]

You've gotten great advice!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Yeah, I wouldn't be emailing if I randomly found this out but I seriously was planning on it after the reunion.

[Pollyanna]

Yeah, I wouldn't be emailing if I randomly found this out but I seriously was planning on it after the reunion.

I would still go ahead and send her a note. If she's going through hell it might be nice to know her old friend misses her. It doesn't have to be about the possible divorce at all. But an added bonus for her is that if she needs to talk you've reached out and if she just wants to enjoy an old friend you've given her that too. I see no bad that can come from reaching out as you had planned.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Heart is breaking for her. Her response below:

Hello my dear!!


I am so sorry I missed you and your most-adorable-children-on-the-planet daughters! Did [DH] go too? Or was he stuck "on duty" for the weekend?


So things here are not that awesome at the moment, but I promise I'm figuring out how to get my shit back on track. I officially do not like telling people about bad news, but I definitely want you to know what's going on, and I think email is easier for me than on the phone lest there be any icky emotional sniffling noises. Also, sorry that this is a long email, but I'm going to tell you the whole story:


[Douchecanoe] and I are splitting up. To be more accurate, he is leaving me for a woman he works with. He told me last September that he was having an affair, and then we went through this confusing, painful purgatory for months afterward. At first I thought he was really trying to evaluate what had happened in our short marriage. We both started seeing counselors, he talked to his family, etc. But he still clearly was not recommitting to our relationship. He was massively depressed and a completely different person (he still is...), but was not in any way expressing a desire to be my husband. Then in December, he confessed that this woman is pregnant. She is 39, she has three kids, ages two, four and six and she's separated from her husband but not legally divorced. At the time, she was still living in the house with her family. Yes, it is a Jerry Springer episode except with privileged white people who should fucking know better. You would think that at this point, I would have realized the ship was sinking, but I was convinced that a) when you promise to love someone through thick and thin, you should keep that promise and b) people make stupid mistakes and that's part of life. [Douchecanoe] was willing to try couple's counseling, so we started that in late January. And by March, I discovered that my relationship with [douchecanoe] was not progressing because he was still actively having a relationship with this horrible woman. And finally in April, he told me he was leaving me for her. Fucking crazy... and even though it's getting easier to talk about it, I just wasn't ready to hit up reunion all on my onesies and have people ask how [douchecanoe] is doing. Sometimes I still get emotional when I'm trying to explain everything.


At this point, [mutual friends with whom she is close] know what's going on and my whole family knows (although they've known since December... that was a little too much to keep in the closet). The [college friends] call the other woman Voldemort so that makes the update conversations a bit more fun. Sometimes I feel stupid for not having talked to them all sooner, but I really was convinced [Douchecanoe] and I were going to figure things out. Not so much, apparently! I have talked to a couple of my coworkers, but I'm really trying to avoid having my psychotic boss find out until I feel a little more settled in what I'm doing next. I wanted to make sure the head of engineering knew what was up just in case I started sucking at my job... luckily I know what I'm doing at work so I can practically run on autopilot. At some point in the not too distant future, I will email Liz. Was she at reunion?

We start mediation this week to figure out how to split up our shit. I think that will really help me feel some closure. We're going to list the house asap and I've been looking at some cute fixer-uppers in the area. I think the only complaint I have at this point is that food at the grocery store is not sold in sizes that are good for one person, and that's bullshit. Can they please make a singles section where they just have one chicken breast or like a 2-pack of hamburger rolls at a reasonable price? Maybe they could create a weird social space in the store where you split up your groceries with other single people? Like a farm-share, but not so much? This concept needs work...


Bleck. Enough of that! How the hell are you guys doing? Are you still working at Company? And how is [DH] liking his job? From the amazing pictures I've seen on facebook, you guys looks like you couldn't be happier and I am so glad! If I ever take a damned vacation (I think I have 5 weeks right now...) and wind up south of the Mason Dixon, I would love to come visit!

[diggitydot]

I'm willing to adopt her and send The Bus his way...

[Thirteen]

I'm willing to adopt her and send The Bus his way...

No joke - what a peach!
I'm sorry to hear that it's true, T&S.


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[Mrs. MD, Esq.]

That's heartbreaking...what an awful human being, he should be gelded.

[HouseofWool]

That's heartbreaking...what an awful human being, he should be gelded.

I can introduce him to dipshit...

[Pollyanna]

I feel sick for her

ETA: okay, I know this is totally beside the point but how the hell did that woman find time for an affair with a 2, 4, and 6 year old at home? Who the hell would even have enough energy for that?

[moonlight]

I feel sick for her

ETA: okay, I know this is totally beside the point but how the hell did that woman find time for an affair with a 2, 4, and 6 year old at home? Who the hell would even have enough energy for that?

Word!!!!!!!!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I don't even know how to respond to that whole thing. On the one hand, it seems like she is moving on and is ok with it but on the other hand, what a devastating situation.

Shades of her personality though with the comment about people knowing better or the grocery rant.

[HouseofWool]

Honestly, tell you are sorry things turned out this way and that you are willing to listen if she needs a sympathetic shoulder.

Just acknowledging how shitty the situation is helps. Don't denigrate him, even if she does.

[medpedspouse]

Honestly, tell you are sorry things turned out this way and that you are willing to listen if she needs a sympathetic shoulder.

Just acknowledging how shitty the situation is helps. Don't denigrate him, even if she does.

ITA. Having someone that can just listen will help as well as having someone that she can visit with without having to "talk about it" too.

[SoonerTexan]

Wow what an asshole, but she sounds like she's going to be okay. Poor girl.