How Do You Stay Connected?

[MrsK]

How do you stay connected when the dawkter is working crazy hours and, by the time he comes home, you feel like you've been beaten about the head by your toddlers for the last 12 hours and neither of you can keep your eyes open? I feel like we are ships passing in the night. Like our "free" time is spent passing off childcare duties. In the last several weeks, I've attended temple alone, taken family pictures without the hubby, made an offer to purchase a house without him....people are beginning to ask questions about our marriage.

[GrayMatterWife]

. . . made an offer to purchase a house without him...

Oh, hell. I picked out a house, made an offer, made counteroffers, executed the contract, arranged for the financing, and closed the deal without so much as him showing up for anything. At one point, he dropped by the property to look around. Actually, I did this for BOTH our homes--in STL and in ATL.

I have had the girls' bathroom rehabbed and didn't even ask him about it. He just showed up one day and asked why there was construction.

I had an entire mahogany, full wall, floor to ceiling bookcase, plus wood paneling installed, and again--he had no idea. He just showed up one day and VIOLA! He said it "looks nice" and "do we have any food for dinner?"

He has seen a tax return since the late 90s. He has no idea where we bank. He couldn't name DD#2's teacher if he was offered money to do it.

But, he is SUPER involved with DS's science fair project, and trimming the trees (I have no idea why he likes to do this), and killing the cockroaches (we're not dirty--it's Atlanta!).

I prefer it this way and I am 100% certain he does, too!

So, we stay connected because I don't know how to do a science fair project, I hate gardening, and I loath killing bugs.

[SoonerTexan]

I dunno. I'm not so good at it lately :/ but we are going to get BBQ and hopefully have some fun tonight *wink* on his day off, so I'm not going to complain now

[Bittersweet]

, MrsK! I hate the ships passing in the night feeling.

We play cards (I'm a gin rummy animal) a few times a week after the kids are in bed. Sounds silly but it gives us something to do and encourages us to talk. I need more than shared TV time to get that connected, oh yeah you're more than a co-parent feeling, so finding something we can do together for even a half hour has helped.

[Deebs]

We're kind of at the ships passing stage right now, too. It's probably bad that I keep thinking, "things will ease up after October." I have no great advice, but I do really get it.


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[lovelight]

It's tough. I'm feeling the same struggles lately. We *usually* try to at least eat dinner together unless he ends up operating overnight. That's about all I've got right now.


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[spotty_dog]

When things were tough for us, we started binge-watching TV series on Blu-ray at night after the kids were in bed. I swear BSG and Firefly saved our marriage.

[alison]

I've bought a house without my dh, too! With offers and counteroffers. Seems to be common around here!

We don't even sleep in the same bed at night, because we take shifts in order to get some quality sleep in. Now that C sleeps 11-12 hours in a row (she's still a really noisy sleeper), we should probably at least share a bed again.

We play backgammon. And he's very involved with taking care of the kids when he IS around. It's not always done very efficiently, but he does it and he's a great hands-on dad. That's huge to me.

[diggitydot]

How Do You Stay Connected?

I thinks it's probably a symptom of the having-little-ones phase of life. We went through a similar time during med school, which is probably part of the reason med school sucked so hard for us.

Now that the kids are older, it's different. Life is less about just surviving until nap/bed/MDO/whatever.

[Ladybug]

We text a lot. We both have a good sense of humor and a lot of inside jokes. They keep us feeling connected when we are not together.

I'm less inclined to haul the kids around without DH these days. If he can't make it to church we don't go. It's just too hard. I've learn to cut out any stressful events without DH that I can. I no longer feel guilty about this, it is what it is.

[scarlett09]

We are usually ships passing around dinner time. I make sure to get home from work on time so we can have dinner together before he leaves for an overnight shift. That helps a lot because we can at least see each other, even if it is brief. Sometimes we miss each other at dinner because of a work commitment on my end, and then he's not home even when I leave for work the next morning. Going like that for 2 or 3 full days sucks. Texting and talking on the phone help.

This morning I am hanging out in bed waiting for him to get home from an overnight. When he gets here, we will chat and snuggle together until he passes out. Obviously this custom will change once our little one gets here. I will probably just plop her into the middle of the snuggle fest so he gets some time with her too.



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[Phoebe]

sitting next to each other while he watches TV and texting through out the day. He is working 3 out of 5 weekends. We are never alone and free time is spent shuffling kids around. It is a lowpoint right now. I feel disconnected and overwhelmed trying to manage everything lately.

[MAPPLEBUM]

we are very hands on. I realized recently that we're often still like this in public too. I think its because we don't get to see each other much so often times if were out with friends it's the first evening all week we've spent together! when were at home working we stop and give each other lots of hugs and kisses, and though I've recently been trying to to bed with him if I'm up later ill still basically tuck him in at night. spend about 10 min cuddling and chatting before he drifts off.


he's not a big talker though. sometimes he has things to say but often times not. it's ok, I've always liked close lipped men!! haha!!


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[mommax3]

He calls on his way home (~20 minute drive), or at some point in the evening if he isn't coming home. We manage to go out by ourselves twice a week, on average...sometimes just to run errands, but we're alone and that's nice. I have learned that there are phases to our connectedness...we go through times when we are just not connecting, and times when we feel very close.