Do all wives of med students have babies?

I think I've noticed a trend from reading lots os reponses...alot of wives whose husbands are in med school have children, multiple children. I am young *21* and one of those people who doesn't see myself having children, just dogs. My question is, does having children make dealing with a husband in med school easier or harder? I'm a little worried that not having children will leave me with a lot more time than most wives, and may make it a little harder as well to deal with a new hubby in med school. I'm just curious and don't want to offend anyone. I think my saving grace would be the fact that I can be in 'solitude' and enjoy it without feeling constantly lonely.

-Laura

PS I love this forum!!!!
PSS My Spring Breaks starts today! Going home to sleep and eat!

Hi Laura,

I'll just chime in here b/c I am a spouse of a M2 with kids. (I need to post more but it is hard to find the time ) In our situation we had kids before med school and 1 just five months ago. We are older students though....30. For us we didn't want to wait. We'd still like to have at least 1 more. Call me crazy but that is just us. I have an EXTREMELY supportive husband that puts family before school so it works for us. I am only praying that he will pick a family friendly specialty so this continues. I read about what residency is like and I don't think I even have a CLUE (let me dream) but for now, it works and we will continue to make it work. Even if it is hard b/c we are committed. I think everyone's situations are different here and I love that. Some are out of school and residency and choose not to begin there families just yet. There are many factors that come into play such as ages, finances, specialties etc...that would make one person wait and another not feel hesitant. I sometimes wonder what I would be doing if I did not have kids right now and I just dont know how to answer that. I dont even know if I am answering YOUR question but I think that you have to do what feels right to you and your spouse based on what you feel you can do/handle.

[Auspicious]

My guy is in med school and we have no kids (although I do want them in the future). From where I sit the 'no kids' route through med school definitely looks easier. Actually I've never heard any couple, no matter what their professions, say that kids made their lives easier. Better? Yes. Easier? No.

I think being kidless won't be a detriment to you surviving med school together, and that's especially true if you like your share of solitude (me too!).

[migirl]

We also do not have children (yet), and were married during med school. Like Julie said, it just seemed easier to get through med school without having children - of course, now we are saying the same thing about residency! Anyway, I don't remember ever feeling lonely or anything like that, but I kept myself pretty busy with my own studies (did a master's degree while DH finished med school). I also enjoy just being by myself, so if you're OK with that and have other activities and interests outside of your relationship you should be just fine.

We did most of med school with out children. I kept myself occupied with a career that I enjoyed, friends, hobbies, etc. DH started med school a few years after undergrad so we were a bit older. We had our first child at the end of medical school. I wouldn't say that it made things easier but we were able to make it work.

We have two kids and are in the last year of med school...I don't think it has been hard with kids. (we had our first when I was 25 and second at 28). Of course we pretty much have free daycare guarantee from a child's first birthday so that makes having children a whole lot easier.

[peggyfromwastate]

i had my first before i married, and then we had twins before med school started, and now we'll be having #4 at the end of mac's 1st year. that's just how it worked out for us, and it's not been "easy", but i've had kids since i was 20 so i don't remember what being kid free would be like!!! anyway, some of our friends here from med school are married and kidless, and they seem to be having a great time. the wives work, so they stay busy and most of the time don't resent how much time the med student spends studying, and overall i think those couples get lots more "quality time" together as a couple-- for instance they go out to eat frequently at places other than chuck'e'cheese's, the have lots of date nights, etc. on the other hand, we're fairly sure that we'll stop at 4, so we won't have infants and toddlers during the time-intensive trials of residency. i think that dh's schedule now is much more reliable/flexible for having young kids, but i guess i will see!

anyway, having kids is a big change to your life, and unless you feel a huge overwhelming urge to start a family, you may as well enjoy kidless life some more!

[Flynn]

Ok -- so my husband is a resident and not in Med. School but I HAD to chime in here. Adding children to the mix makes so many things more difficult if you are married to someone in medicine (or planning to be in medicine). On so many levels, medicine is NOT family friendly.

With that being said, I adore my daughter (and plan on having at least one more child before we are done) but am so glad we waited to have kids until after we were married for a while (4 years)!!!!!

Enjoy this time where it's just you, your husband and your dogs. The more you utilize this part of you life, the more you will appreciate how different (and yet wonderful in its own respect) being a parent is when/if you do have to have children. Perspective is a great tool for not being a schmuck as a parent!!

[Meenah]

My kids are older, and this is a second marriage, but I have to agree with Julie. My life is much better for having chi;dren, but NOT easier.
Luanne

I think migirl had it right. When dealing with the medical education process, what good time is there to start a family?? During med school, residency, or during the begining of a practice? My husband and I decided now was as good of a time as any (he's an M2). We're on the younger end of things, both of us are 23, but I'm really glad we started now rather than in our 30's (we want lots of kids). I have to agree our daughter hasn't made life easier, but she has made it much much better.

[DCJenn]

We are done with residency and it didn't even occur to us to start thinking about starting a family until after internship year. There were some people who we went thorugh residency with who had kids before, some during, some after, some not yet and probably (or hopefully) not ever.

It's all how you decide to live your own life. Judge not, after all!

Jenn

Ah, the $64,000 question - when to start a family. We've waited because of the financial constraints that would result from me not working (we're in first year of fellowship). But now that I'm 30 and the end is in the sight....things may change!

[SueC]

Yeah, I think it all depends on your own situation and how eager you are to start a family--we decided to plunge in head first and started intern year. We figured we'd do it while we're (relatively) young and since we wouldn't be taking any fancy trips for the next 7 years (due to budget and time constraints) we might as well go for it. It's hard to have babies on such a tight budget, though, so I think there are definitely advantages to waiting until training is over. In my case, I wanted to be home with the kids, but we couldn't afford it so I've always had a business or work at home job of some sort. Of course, after the fact, I wouldn't change a thing about the order in which we did things, and I'll bet whichever choice you make you'll probably come to that same conclusion.

Hi, Laura.

We waited to start a family until medical school was over. We made this decision primarily for financial reasons (I could support us with my job through med school; and his meager resident salary could support us then). We planned amazingly well as our son was born 2 days after he graduated. That made moving, buying a house, and adjusting to new parenthood quite challenging, but it was worth it.

I would say that I did find it difficult to find much support in terms of other spouses during medical school. There was a "medical spouse group" at my husbands med school, but it was geared only to SAHM's (they wouldn't even let male spouses join - pretty sad when over 50% of the med students were female)...So I just built up a network of support from friends outside of the medical community, which was nice, but no one truly understood what it was like.

And, now my son is a godsend. He is my little buddy for call nights and beyond. I am so thankful that he came into our lives when he did. Because of him, moving to a new city and developing a new community has been somewhat easier. Still extremely challenging, and has taken a lot of effort, but good nonetheless.

You have to do what's right for you though. It is a personal journey for everyone. Enjoy this time as a couple first. It is a huge challenge to be a med spouse. We are somewhat older(I'm 28, h is 32) so we were ready for kids. Don't make that step until you're both ready.

Jill

[SuzySunshine]

I'll chime in here - we don't have any children, my husband is graduating this June. We got married the summer after his third year of med school but we'd been together for almost 6 years by that point. We've decided to wait until he's 2-3 years into residency before we have a family for a few reasons. He wants to be around when they're little and if we wait until his third year he will be starting his research years which gives him more flexibility on schedule, also I plan to stay home once we have kids so if I work for the first few years of his residency we can save money and hopefully have everything paid off except our house when I quit my job.

Everyone has a different situation, I know several families here that have kids ranging from babies to higher grade school. There is nothing wrong with waiting and there is nothing wrong with starting, everyone just has to do what is right for them and their situation.