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Is divorce just a part of middle marriage? So many friends in my life who have been married for a long time seem to be at that place.
A friend of mine here is going through this and it has to be the most convoluted and awful process I've heard of.
I have known this person since we moved here and I worked with her for about 2 years.
Anyway, her husband decided to end their marriage after 26 years.
Here is the thing. They have 4 kids and he hasn't worked much during their marriage (he build our bar downstairs). He has a poor work ethic and often is not rehired. She has been the one to work and support the family on $13.00/hour. Since I have known them, they have gotten every type of public assistance possible including gas money for the car, food stamps, you name it. He has refused to go to work at a steady job. He finally got a job in North Dakota earning $25/hour. He was living in a company apartment. He finally had money for the first time in his life and decided he was done with the responsibility of a mortgage and kids...and a wife.
He had her served with papers and she is devastated. She is living in a house that he built. Not one room in the house is finished properly. He left the entire back wall of the house open to "build a garage" but never did. It is simply all rotted wood now. They probably owe more money on the house than it is worth. (She had someone out to estimate and will know next week).
In the meantime, here is his plan. He doesn't want to have to pay more money than necessary, so he gave his 2 weeks notice at the good job and will be moving home where he has no job. He expects to live in the downstairs of their house while she lives upstairs. He expects this arrangement after the divorce. This way, he has "joint custody" of their youngest daughter.
Since asking for the divorce, he has come home every other weekend and pretended like nothing is happening ... inviting their mutual friends over to play cards together (where he then feels forced to play), planning family day outs where he insists that she comes, talking to her about the possibility of being friends with benefits.
In the state of MN, you are required to put your spouse on you health insurance. My friend just got a new job with health insurance (she is insured for the first time in over 20 years. She has been on MNCare forever). She is required to add him to her insurance right now even as he is filing to leave her.
She is penniless, she has nowhere to go, her kids have told her that if she moves out they will stay in their house with the dad because they don't want to move out of their rooms!.
It's outrageous.
They are close to being foreclosed on as it is and him quitting his job? It will mean the end I'm sure.
I don't know how to support her. She texts or calls constantly and when we meet for coffee it runs past 4 hours.
Ever since she started going through this, I have had an endless loop of "what if" processing in my mind. DH and I talk constantly about it now because I suddenly feel so vulnerable. I don't think I'm on shaky ground, but it is startling to see what things look like for this friend of mine after so many years of marriage!
A friend of mine here is going through this and it has to be the most convoluted and awful process I've heard of.
I have known this person since we moved here and I worked with her for about 2 years.
Anyway, her husband decided to end their marriage after 26 years.
Here is the thing. They have 4 kids and he hasn't worked much during their marriage (he build our bar downstairs). He has a poor work ethic and often is not rehired. She has been the one to work and support the family on $13.00/hour. Since I have known them, they have gotten every type of public assistance possible including gas money for the car, food stamps, you name it. He has refused to go to work at a steady job. He finally got a job in North Dakota earning $25/hour. He was living in a company apartment. He finally had money for the first time in his life and decided he was done with the responsibility of a mortgage and kids...and a wife.
He had her served with papers and she is devastated. She is living in a house that he built. Not one room in the house is finished properly. He left the entire back wall of the house open to "build a garage" but never did. It is simply all rotted wood now. They probably owe more money on the house than it is worth. (She had someone out to estimate and will know next week).
In the meantime, here is his plan. He doesn't want to have to pay more money than necessary, so he gave his 2 weeks notice at the good job and will be moving home where he has no job. He expects to live in the downstairs of their house while she lives upstairs. He expects this arrangement after the divorce. This way, he has "joint custody" of their youngest daughter.
Since asking for the divorce, he has come home every other weekend and pretended like nothing is happening ... inviting their mutual friends over to play cards together (where he then feels forced to play), planning family day outs where he insists that she comes, talking to her about the possibility of being friends with benefits.
In the state of MN, you are required to put your spouse on you health insurance. My friend just got a new job with health insurance (she is insured for the first time in over 20 years. She has been on MNCare forever). She is required to add him to her insurance right now even as he is filing to leave her.
She is penniless, she has nowhere to go, her kids have told her that if she moves out they will stay in their house with the dad because they don't want to move out of their rooms!.
It's outrageous.
They are close to being foreclosed on as it is and him quitting his job? It will mean the end I'm sure.
I don't know how to support her. She texts or calls constantly and when we meet for coffee it runs past 4 hours.
Ever since she started going through this, I have had an endless loop of "what if" processing in my mind. DH and I talk constantly about it now because I suddenly feel so vulnerable. I don't think I'm on shaky ground, but it is startling to see what things look like for this friend of mine after so many years of marriage!
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