Could use a little pick me up - feeling overwhelmed

[hollymariesweet]

My husband is in his 3rd year of med school, for reference.

You guys, I am just feeling so done. I think this is considered burn out phase, right? Because for the last few weeks I have seen my DH 1 hour every other day. that's it! He is in his more demanding rotations right now (surgery, peds, and internal) but geeze. I know that by the time i am 45 it will be better (ha) but right now, I am just done.

I had a friend at church say "how do you do it? i couldn't" and i rattled something off about how he has been in med school since we had kids and in school in general since we have been married so I don't know any different. You know what? Next time I think I will just say- "yeah. me either because i am pretty sure i deserve a million dollars or a 3 ton chocolate bar or something".
I usually say "at least he isn't in the armed forces- deployed and being shot at." Which is perfectly true! But right now, i am not feeling all 'mrs. positive spin on life', you know?

that's all. This is the hardest semester so far. I just needed to vent a minute. I am also ready for our date night next week to just happen already

[diggitydot]

Could use a little pick me up - feeling overwhelmed

I'm so sorry. Med school absolutely sucked for us, too. I found iMSN during those years and hung on to everyone here for dear life.

We were fortunate to land in an amazing residency where the craptastic days of med school were replaced with great people, even if the hours sucked sometimes.

Hang in there. You can do this. Always feel free to lean on us when things go sideways. We get it.

[bokelley]

I found iMSN during med school as well. Second year I believe. It was a hard time, we had moved away from family and I hated the location.

We get it!

[SoonerTexan]

3rd year really did suck! The good news is 4th year is a good break to recharge (even amid the stress of matching)

[hollymariesweet]

Thanks ladies! Sometimes it is just refreshing to hear that from people who have been through it!

[diggitydot]

I've always said that if our marriage could survive MSII and MSIII, we could handle anything because that shit sucked giant hairy donkey balls.

[Howfunitis]

I could totally have written this thread myself!!! Currently in year 3 and haven't seen hubby but maybe weekends since beginning of Nov since he did so many away rotations. Totally feeling like a single parent over here and completely understand where the questions come from. Hubby and I met in community college and has been studying for the entire time that I have known him (10 years) so, its all I know but boy do I wish he was home more often and help me out with our 1 year old.

I do have to say, I come home to Ca to spend time with family and get a little help from them but I end up missing my husband too much that I end up going back home... Hang in there!!! This year is almost done

[ladymoreta]

Third year was the worst for us, too. It really is a miserable time, both because of the schedule and because they're likely doing a bunch of rotations they dislike. Hang in there, count down the days until fourth year, and try to get some time together (kid-free) if you can.

[Pollyanna]

Welcome! You've come to the right place for lots of support and love. Post often!!

[alotofyarn]

I think third and fourth year were the worst for us too, although fourth year got better after he finished his interviews and required rotations. We didn't have kids yet, but I spent a ton of time alone and found this site during fourth year.

[WolfpackWife]

We're deep in the trenches of 3rd year too, so I feel your pain. My husband was at rural site for family medicine back in August so he was gone 5 days a week, but the rotation was only 4 weeks. Then his 8 week IM rotation was a REALLY eye opening experience because it was just brutal. And it's the specialty he wants to match into so he give it 150% to get H and great evals. It all paid off but I have never seen him so exhausted, so singularly focused, and so absent. I made it to about the 7th week before I sort of snapped and said "I'm ready for this to be OVER." In hindsight, it was pretty horrible but I think if we made it through that, we can make it through surg and OB/GYN. We're almost through week 6 of 8 in peds and it's been okay so far. He's just so busy, even after he leaves the hospital. He has an elective next, which will be a breather just because there's not shelf exam and then surgery...then an away rotation...then OB/GYN...then two AIs...then residency applications/interviews.

He was getting pretty overwhelmed last night and I feel badly for him. After the new year while he was still on school break and I on vacation, we sat down and had a serious talk about both of us being ready for how awful and intense this year is going to be - probably until the holidays. I felt ready but I know that will ebb and flow as the year goes by. It's going to be tough, we all know that! The one thing I can say that's been sort of saving me is I know it will go by quickly, even if it SUCKS while it's happening. Just like every other year, we'll be enjoying the holidays this year thinking "wow, can you believe this year is already over? It just flew by!" that's just how time seems to go now...

Nothing but empathy here...I totally get it. I'm currently in a bit of a brighter place for reasons I can't exactly pinpoint, but moving here, MS-1 and MS-2 (and, let's be honest - the Step 1 study months) were totally horrific for me, I felt totally lost and abandoned and sad and lonely. The whole journey so far has been a whirlwind of panic and pride and loneliness and growth and exploration and achievement and isolation. For both of us, I think. It's just been so much more intense and emotional in every way than I thought it would be.

I've noticed that largely the members here will tell you: either med school SUCKED for them but residency wasn't as bad and they even enjoyed it. Or, med school was tough but fun and full of friends and great experiences and residency was brutal and horrific. There are in betweens, for sure. But that's a pattern I've noticed. It's been tough for us, so I'm going to consider medical school our low point and that residency will bring better things. I'm sure that will be the case for you, too!

One of the things I'm looking forward to on the horizon is the possibility of traveling to some of his residency interviews with him. Is that something you're considering, too? Hang in there - stick around, and post often. This place is a life saver and full of amazingly wise, compassionate, supportive, loving, and loyal people.

[MrsC]

Welcome!

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

We are one of the couples that Wolfpack mentioned: med school was relatively easy for us because he had some "control" over his schedule. I was working a demanding job and we were both busy with no kids. Surgical residency has sucked way way more because we added kids and he has literally no control over his schedule.

Everybody experiences that suckage at some point. That's why you come here and just keep swimming! We have been here for each other through the bad times and the good times. I count members here as some of my closest friends despite having only met 5-6 of them and most of those for under a few hours.

[diggitydot]

We're def the ones who had a better experience in residency. We landed at a program filled with our kind of weirdos, so even when the hours sucked, we were doing it all with a really great group of funny, smart, supportive people. The peeps in our training location are still our closest friends and my dude is on his third year post training.

[MAPPLEBUM]

I know you've gotten lots of support already but just want to say I know how you feel. The suckage seems to happen when one partner is way more busy / stressed out than the other. Our worst...or, MY worst was PGY2 (first year of residency). Come to think of it I don't know that I've ever even articulated that to DH, and half suspect he would peg another year as being 'worse.' It was first year of residency: he was simply elated to finally be in his field. Which allowed for little else in his attention than that.

Believe it or not even if it doesn't get better, or even if it gets worse, you DO eventually change and get used to it. Either that or you'll just be in a general state of unhappiness. When I first joined this site people told me to not wait around for him, to go out and have a life of my own. At first I DIDN'T WANT that much of a life of my own. I wanted those cozy nights together after work. But that just isn't our lifestyle right now. Sure, sometimes he has enough energy to have a nice weeknight evening with me, but generally during the week when he gets home he's too exhausted. He doesn't have much or anything to give. I hate seeing in his face that he's exhausted with listening to me tell him about my day, that can hurt my feelings. So now I make myself scarce. I'm not home in the evenings to be constantly reminded of how little he has to give. Monday through Thursday I teach until 8 or 9 pm and schedule rehearsals after that. If he's awake when I get home it's typically for 10 minutes or less and then he goes to bed. We miss each other, then have great weekends 'catching up.' Not to say that's a solution for everyone but I'm just now realizing that's how I've coped.

It WILL be really tough if your husband is always consumed by work and you don't have something that's equally important in your life. By what I've seen even the 'easiest' of specialties after training are still pretty all consuming.

Ha, must be Thursday. I'll have a brighter outlook tomorrow.