Finding a Church

[alotofyarn]

I've mentioned this in several other threads, but I think it's something I need to talk about more in its own thread. I've never been great at finding churches. In college, I hopped around (easy to do when there are hundreds of churches in town), and while I had a few that I sort of attended long term, I never really made them my own. In grad school and then when hubby was in med school, I pretty much visited one church after looking around a ton online, loved it, and never looked anywhere else. Both of the last two churches, in addition to the church I went to in HS, were considered mega churches by most standards, but I was involved in small groups and always felt like I had a good community. Then we moved here, to an area that is primarily Catholic. I was raised Baptist and have mostly attended Baptist churches, although I'm open to non-denominational churches as well. There are a few churches here, but they're pretty small when you compare them to what I'm used to. I'm looking for a place where I respect the pastor, I agree with the teachings, I feel like we fit in, and they have options for getting involved. Our church has Sunday School classes, which I've always attended and I enjoy - I feel like you don't get to know people if you just go to the main service on Sunday mornings. I like our current pastor and his sermons. I like the people in the church. I just don't feel like I have anything in common with most of them. There are very few working moms, so I'm one of the few that doesn't attend the MOPS meetings that they have during the day. I want to find a place where we fit in - where I'm not the only working mom and my husband isn't the only professional. I listened to the sermons from a couple of the more contemporary churches nearby, but I didn't feel like they were sermons that I'd learn from each week. There's one more church that I'd like to try, and it's an off-site campus of the church I went to in HS. I'm not crazy about the multi-site churches, but I know I'd get something out of the sermons. It's new and small though, and I don't know what kind of community they offer. And I feel weird about potentially "breaking up" with my old church, since we have gotten to know some of them pretty well. Has anybody else gone through this? It's only temporary, hopefully, because I'm still expecting that we'll move after residency.

[medpedspouse]

Ugh. Church shopping....pain.ful!!! I hate being the new people every Sunday but it really is the only way.

I would list out the list of things you want (by priority) and start looking for places that meet your needs. You may find everything except one or two things on your list. Being the only WOTH mom may not be so bad if you befriend some SAH moms that still include you in their activities. My pastor used to say that the key to bringing new members in to your church is to make sure you had room in your life for new friends. Although friendly, sometimes members are so entrenched in their work/life communities that they do not have the energy to add anyone else into the fold. So, for us, how quickly can we become a part of the church community is a big priority. Still, I do not really like the bible studies at my church so I meet with some Catholics every other Thursday and some Baptists once a month. Having people that may have a different perspective than my own is also a priority for me.

ETA - I also still listen to the sermons from my previous church. So, I kind of have an a la carte thing going here.

[Thirteen]

When we move, we get suggestions from other people, but usually wind up on google maps and yelp. We try it all!

It took 6 months to find our current one.


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[TulipsAndSunscreen]

We are at a non-denominational church that is basically Baptist. It's a mega/multisite but we do small group and have gotten to know people at our campus. I mostly love it but there's always going to be tough stuff. It's a conservative church in the South....therefore most women don't work or do things PT once they've had their kids. That's ANY org, not just church. But I looked for a small group that had a few working women and it's worked.

My top priorities were:
1) Good, gospel-centered preaching - surprisingly hard to find. I want the Bible to be preached through as the Word of God every week. Not some person's interpretation of something
2) A place where I wasn't the only working mom and DH wasn't the only doctor
3) A place respectful of multiple political/ethnic/social backgrounds

I've found all of the above at our current church. I still listen to podcasts from other churches (The Village Church in Dallas is a fave) but I am learning not to approach it as a "consumer" where it's a show that I pay for. It's more like a community I belong to with all its warts...you know?

[ladymoreta]

Finding a church is so hard. We still don't love ours here, and we're not connected at all. Just show up on Sunday mornings for services and go home (there's no Sunday school). They have small groups but no child care, so it doesn't really work for us.

I actually like megachurches better. They really seem to have logistics figured out (like child care) so people can be more involved. I felt much more connected and involved at my huge church in OKC than I ever have here.

I have had the best luck finding churches by searching for churches affiliated with Willow Creek in my area. https://www.willowcreek.com/membersh...filesearch.asp

[alotofyarn]

I looked at the other bigger Baptist church here, and it seems like they have a lot more resources than I felt like they did when I looked when we first moved here. I think the hardest part for me is potentially leaving our current church. "It's not you, it's me?"

[oceanchild]

We are at a non-demon church

I just have to point out that this is an awesome typo.

Anyway, I'm a pretty committed church shopper when moving to a new place, and I don't have a good answer for you on leaving. We tried going to this little church here that REALLY wanted us to be there. Honestly, their over-welcoming was a bit more than we could take. And we just... sort of stopped going. It was small enough that they noticed. I think I eventually got an email from the pastor. I just answered him honestly, that we ended up feeling more comfortable at a church in the denomination where I was raised.

And we found a church we love on a whim after I was complaining to someone that I still hadn't found one that I really liked. She suggested this one that some of her friends attended. Since she is avowedly non-religious, she thought it was hilarious that she ended up giving us a successful church recommendation.

[MrsK]

Again, I'm no help. We're temple shopping after having been with the same temple for 2 years. Then add the school element and the dues. Ugh!

[alotofyarn]

I think we may try out two other churches. The excessive essential oils and antivax FB posts are killing me.

[GreyhoundsRUs]

We LOVED our parish in Chicago. Loved loved loved. The entire Catholic community here leaves a lot to be desired. We basically did the minimum to stay involved for the purposes of baptism for the girls, but we are waiting until after fellowship to invest in "the hunt". The girls will be at a Catholic school next year, so we will probably go to whatever the "popular" parish is at school. This was actually one of the huge huge pluses for the job in NC - a lot of the young partners are Catholic and love and are involved in their parish (not that it would matter if they weren't Catholic, but it's nice to have that aspect somewhat vetted for you).

[alotofyarn]

Hubby and I talked about it, and he didn't seem really excited about looking for a new church. I spent a while chatting on facebook with one of the other working moms at church (not in our SS class, but I got to know her on the first ladies retreat that I attended). She feels the same way sometimes but was talking to me about some things she does to try to make her relationships work. So, I think we're going to be more intentional about our friendships at church and see if that helps before we make a big decision like leaving.

[alotofyarn]

So, one of those other churches I was considering? The youth minister was arrested a few days ago for having an inappropriate relationship with a 14 year old girl.

E and I had a really good day at church today though. I'm feeling good about staying and working on building better relationships there for now. I talked to the other working mom for a little bit. And I also talked to another girl whom I've met and talked to briefly before, but never much in depth until this morning. She's from the same part of town that I grew up in, she went to the same college that I did, and she's now in med school here, and her husband is an engineer I think. She's in a different SS class, but our classes met together today because a lot of people were out.