Middle of the Night Phone Calls

[alotofyarn]

Hubby's phone calls in the middle of the night always crack me up. Last night's was my favorite so far:
"Has anything acutely changed that would require you to be calling me at 3am?"

Another one I remember was him telling whoever was calling that they should talk to the patient and let them know that 4am (or whatever time it was) is not the time to talk to the doctor, that he'd talk to them on rounds. I think they wanted confirmation from someone other than the nurse that something would be fine, but I don't remember.

And then there was the time that the patient had had hiccups for 4 days, and they decided the middle of the night would be a good time to call and ask if there was anything he could do.

What are some of the middle of the night conversations that you overhear?

[GrayMatterWife]

When DH is talking to a doc from an outside hospital (never a NSG; almost always some doc who wants to go home or doesn't want his golf game messed up, and is trying to figure out how he can refer this as a neurosurgical case):

"A 'brain bleed' is not a medical diagnosis."

"You FEEL that it may be neurosurgical? This is not about feelings."

"Has anyone looked at the scans?"

"Has anyone taken scans?"

"Has anyone ordered scans?"

"What do you mean...'what scans'?"

"Uh, huh. .... uh, huh. .... uh, huh. [LONG PAUSES DURING PRATTLING ON THE OTHER END] Yeah. That's fine. We'll take the transfer. It's not neurosurgical, but you seem in over your head."

[ladymoreta]

And then there was the time that the patient had had hiccups for 4 days, and they decided the middle of the night would be a good time to call and ask if there was anything he could do.

I am dying to know what they thought their urologist could do about hiccups...

[Auspicious]

Husband picks up the phone and only gets out, "This is Dr. Turner" or whatever and then just listens for something like two solid minutes. Then finally says, "Are you telling me this patient is still alive right now? Because I'm on autopsy call."

*click*

The person on the other end sounded pretty amused by his long tale about this patient, but My husband kept waiting for the part of the story where the patient then dies . . . guess that part wasn't coming.


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[Thirteen]

I am dying to know what they thought their urologist could do about hiccups...

ALOY -- is there someone on night shift that doesn't jive well with your doctor? That's the first thing that came to my mind. 😄


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[alotofyarn]

I am dying to know what they thought their urologist could do about hiccups...

They were admitted to the uro service for something else, so all calls go to the uro, unfortunately.

[alotofyarn]

ALOY -- is there someone on night shift that doesn't jive well with your doctor? That's the first thing that came to my mind. 😄


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I don't think they even know who they're calling other than whoever is on call for urology. Apparently they have some less than stellar nurses. I hear a lot of "Did they even try to place the catheter?" I also think that they don't realize that uro takes home call, because surgery doesn't.

[GrayMatterWife]

Husband picks up the phone and only gets out, "This is Dr. Turner" or whatever and then just listens for something like two solid minutes. Then finally says, "Are you telling me this patient is still alive right now? Because I'm on autopsy call."

Oh, my word. I didn't even know there was such a thing as "autopsy call"--learn somethin' new! Just out of curiosity, what does that entail? When my DH is on-call, he handles primarily emergencies and outside hospital transfers (basically, the stuff that just-can't-wait until morning). What does your DH handle on autopsy call? Are there circumstances that are urgent even though the patient is dead? For example, time-sensitive autopsies where the cause of death may not be determinable if time passes, due to body breakdown or something?

[DrBandMe]

GMW, I am interested, too! What would necessitate someone going in to do an autopsy in the middle of the night, Auspicious?

[Auspicious]

Autopsy call was over the weekend, but they didn't have to go in in the middle of the night for it. Autopsies can wait until morning, but they can't wait until Monday. The caller had dialed the wrong number.

It was during residency, and he doesn't do autopsies anymore. Nowadays most middle-of-the-night calls are blood bank issues, and thankfully aren't too common.

[JDAZ11]

Thankfully DH usually leaves the room now to deal with the phone call. And unless he's on trauma - it usually isn't all that exciting. There is lots of, "ok, would you like to transfer the patient? Great. Helicopter. Ok. The transfer center will arrange." And lots of what GMW described, particularly on holiday weekends.

When he was a resident, there was just one room (yay nyc), so I heard a lot more. I still remember his first overnight call - I guess his third year. Woman with an aneurism (she found out like three days before) who took a pregnancy test in the middle of the night. Found out she was pregnant and called at 2am to find out if that was a problem. I actually still remember her name too. Scary. Anyway, after that my earplugs became my best friend.


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[GrayMatterWife]

Autopsy call was over the weekend, but they didn't have to go in in the middle of the night for it. Autopsies can wait until morning, but they can't wait until Monday. The caller had dialed the wrong number.

It was during residency, and he doesn't do autopsies anymore. Nowadays most middle-of-the-night calls are blood bank issues, and thankfully aren't too common.

INteresting! Thanks.

Re: dialing the wrong number...so DH got SLAMMED with on-call calls this weekend. And one of them was also a wrong number. The woman on the other end went on and on and on and on about the patient and my DH listened super-patiently, intermittently saying, "Uh, huh," and "I see," and then...when she finally stopped talking, he said, "I am the on-call neurosurgeon. Did you mean to call neurosurgery?" Very politely and respectfully. Which I think she appreciated, but she was so embarrassed she'd called the wrong on-call doc...

[SoonerTexan]

These were in house at the VA, so I just heard about them in the morning.

"The patient needs lip balm"

"The patient is upset he didn't get his meds on time yesterday" (that happened twice)


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[Vishenka69]

In the middle of the night, "...so you're calling to inform me of a case you'd like to do tomorrow morning?"

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[houseelf]

OK, DH has been compared to Perry on Scrubs several times so he is fluent in sarcasm.

I might have heard him say that "I'm here for surgical consult, not consult-a-doctor on how to run a differential diagnosis. Check Google".

"Have you physically seen the patient or do you just have a premonition that the next patient you see might have a surgical issue?"

"Without films, I have to say that my Xray vision isn't what it used to be. You're going to have to actually work the patient up first."

And this is NOT my hubby, but it is relevant to the convo. My friend is a pediatric gynecologist. By definition her role precludes OB. When the hospital operator started the dial-a-doc routine, my friend thought the operator put her on hold to consult the master call list and my friend ranted, "you have to be ****ing kidding me". She got written up. This is richly ironic because she is the tamest doc I know and has the best bed side manner. I do think that frustration sets in for everyone at some point.