The hardest transition

[Vanquisher]

What has been the hardest transition for you in regards to medical training, and why?

College to med school?
Med school to internship/residency?
Residency to fellowship?
Training to attendinghood?

[Vanquisher]

Each transition has been really hard. Initially, with attendghood, there was a definite "honeymoon phase". At least for me.

While day to day living in residency was brutal, and I'd never want to go back there. It was definitely the hardest period of time, but it wasn't the hardest transition. The hardest transition was/is attendinghood.

This is it? I notice this theme among attending spouses. You're shitting me? This is what I signed up for? A lifetime of this? It's that you're finally done, you've arrived, and it's still fairly shittastic in a lot of ways. I mean, don't get me wrong, residency fucking blew giant donkey balls, but there's something to be said for the lack of normalcy. Ever. We will never have that normal life.

What do you think?

[MrsK]

I agree. Residency to Attending has been really rough.

[rainbabies]

Attendinghood. It blows. Definitely not what either of us thought/dreamt it would be. Bahumbug.


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[Sheherezade]

Attendinghood. For me, also a location based bomb. We had few choices of where to live and once we landed, we were here for the haul because I didn't want to uproot the kids again after so many moves for training. I've tried to embrace the whole "bloom where you are planted" mentality, but sometimes the bitterness of realizing I'm the one with the personal growth challenges and he's the one with the dream job gets me.

All and all, we have a very good life. That said, it's not Mecca, and it's a slog to get here.

[MrsK]

Wow. This is so depressing.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I have a feeling that the transition to attendinghood is hard because in med school/residency/fellowship, you can tell yourself that "my spouse doesn't have a choice, the program/system requires this (whatever it is - time away, exhaustion, little emotional availability for anything but training)". But then they're done and they start making choices that are their own and unless it's completely in line with your hopes/expectations, it feels horrific because you believe for so long that "they would change it if they could" but the reality is that many of them won't even when they have the choice. I just know that right now I can tell myself that M WANTS to be with us but can't. In attendinghood, it'll be more bitter because he'll be choosing to be away from us.

But what the hell do I know, we've got 2.5 more years of residency before fellowship...

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

Wow. This is so depressing.

Seriously. As someone not there yet, this is not a great read...

[WolfpackWife]

Wow. This is so depressing.

Unbelievably, indescribably depressing. Like sending me into fits of sobs, depressing. Staring down the barrel of 6+ more years of training alone and then...for what? Nothing, it seems. I have such a gigantic fear I'll never truly be happy, but really could have been if I'd nudged him towards a different career. This is so utterly distressing.

Sort of joking - let's put trigger warnings on super bleak threads so those of us who want to still believe there's something to look forward to can avoid the realities for just a bit longer

[Deebs]

Yep - training to attendinghood, by far. We had so much support in residency from other families in training.


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[Thirteen]

The hardest transition

We like to move a lot. 😄
We have lived in 5 different domiciles since residency graduation -- I really really liked the overall feel/neighbors/etc in our last location. The climate is more desirable here, but it is decidedly not a "young families" locale. Plus, I finally got fall (the season) back after 7 years without it, only to lose it again when we moved here. I'm sure that sound shallow as hell, but I don't care. I miss chilly weather.

The job is better here, and the lifestyle is less "work them til they keel over", but I am still feeling lonely most days. I know it takes time to build community and I'm working on it, but I had *just* found a rhythm and was comfy before our latest move.

I get a little bitter when I hear about how great the job is, because I am the trailing spouse, but I'm learning to let that go. It's more of a reflection on me than him, since I honestly don't know what I would rather be doing...?

The only thing that sounds appealing as of now is having some sort of hobby farm and doing what I damn well please with it. 😎

Maybe someday, he'll cave and we will move to a place that has seasons again (?)


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[MrsK]

Just last night, I said to DrK "you survived med school, internship, and residency but attendinghood is going to kill you?" It sucks that everyone outside thinks we just fell into a big pot of jam too. No bonbons here.

[rufflesanddots]

I have no idea how to respond to this. Probably not the thread for me to read right now as we limp towards the finish line of MS1. I appreciate the honesty.

[JDAZ11]

The hardest transition

I deleted my post. I feel bad I was such a bitter bitch about. It's fine and not all THAT horrible.

Really nothing changes all that much, but there is a bigger pay check (and correspondingly higher expenses). I think if you end up somewhere you want, it might make a huge difference. But it's just good to remember that they never pay anyone a ton of money to do nothing.... So there is a reason that paycheck is bigger.

[MsSassyBaskets]

I have no idea how to respond to this. Probably not the thread for me to read right now as we limp towards the finish line of MS1. I appreciate the honesty.

I know, I'm shoving my fingers in my ears and singing "LA LA LA LA LA NOT ME I'M GONNA BE DIFFERENT LA LA LA LA LA".

It does make me realize though, how many of my own decisions are being made in the name of "when things change". Like my own career. I'm hellbent on hanging in there through training, but what's the ultimate goal? And why can't I get where I want to be while DH is in training? I need to challenge some of my own assumptions on this stuff or I'm just going to power through residency and fellowship without any real plans, and I'm not going to know what to do when we get there.