The hardest transition

[SoonerTexan]

Question: DH will be getting a Texas medical license as soon as he gets his Step 3 scores back. I don't know how often they have to be renewed, but if we end up in Texas for the job, is that a nice to have in advance?


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[ladymoreta]

Good question... I asked DH, and he didn't know. Will that be the full license, or will he need another one when he finishes residency? Maybe they automatically update it when he finishes? DH started his TX license process in February, I think, to start in July.

[Pollyanna]

I think it's just a training license but I could be wrong.

[JDAZ11]

I think it's just a training license but I could be wrong.

It probably is. I remember DH having to apply for a full license when he decided to moonlight during fellowship. It took a long-ish time, but the locums people paid for it... Which was nice.


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[SoonerTexan]

He already has a training (provisional) Texas license. He has to apply for the "full" license on his own (and pay for it) to moonlight. But I wasn't sure if there was any real difference between that and what he would need for an attending job

[JDAZ11]

He already has a training (provisional) Texas license. He has to apply for the "full" license on his own (and pay for it) to moonlight. But I wasn't sure if there was any real difference between that and what he would need for an attending job

Shouldn't be any difference.


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[scrub-jay]

I'm guessing he'll just have to update it with his board certifications once he's done.

[OrionGrad]

Yeah, it will definitely make life easier if he decides to practice in TX. (DH had to get a full license to moonlight here, although it won't end up helping much since we're probably moving elsewhere for a The Job.)

[Lynnea]

I have no idea how to respond to this. Probably not the thread for me to read right now as we limp towards the finish line of MS1. I appreciate the honesty.

So I am new to this site as of yesterday, came here as I have been in a horrible place personally with myself and my relationship and have been feeling completely alone as my BF STARTS MS1. We have just started getting our feet wet with what medical school is all about and quite frankly I came to this thread and now feel myself tearing up and want to cry. I feel like every time I try and convince myself things will be okay and get better and maybe we can get through this something like this happens or comes up that makes me question everything! Do you have any suggestions for someone like me? I saw in your post here that you're finishing MS1 (probably starting MS2 by the looks of the date you posted this). How was the first year for you and your spouse? Did you feel like you were able to get enough time with him to keep your relationship in a forward motion? I'm scared to death of this journey, I wish he could understand.

[rufflesanddots]

I may come back and post more on this later, but I wanted to respond ASAP because you sound distressed. Here are some things I try to remember when I start spinning out:

1) This thread and this board are not representative of every medical relationship. People come here looking for support, and people needing support are usually struggling. Some people struggled earlier on than others. You are commuting 10 hours per week to a stressful job, on top of a move and adjusting to med school. It makes sense that you would be here and it is not an indication that you guys are doomed.

2) In my own experience, medical school itself has not caused problems, but has shown me what our weaknesses as a couple really are. For some people it could be communication, money management, intimacy, conflict resolution, etc. One you realize what those weaknesses are for you, it is up to you and your partner to figure out a way to strengthen that area.

3) Medical school is not forever. This adjustment period is not forever. Two months from now you may be shocked to realize you've found your rhythm. Mine started MS2 last week and I have not yet sensed a palpable increase in the stress level in our home. You are both resilient people and you will both adjust, but you need time.

4) It is normal to fear the future, but it is not healthy to let those fears impact your relationship today. No one knows where you will be 4 years from now, but you have 4 years to spend time together, grow together, and prepare for another new normal. For better or for worse this is a long journey, so there is a lot of opportunity for reflection, reparation, and growth.

You are totally normal and totally strong, and totally going to get through this.

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[MAPPLEBUM]

I may come back and post more on this later, but I wanted to respond ASAP because you sound distressed. Here are some things I try to remember when I start spinning out:

1) This thread and this board are not representative of every medical relationship. People come here looking for support, and people needing support are usually struggling. Some people struggled earlier on than others. You are commuting 10 hours per week to a stressful job, on top of a move and adjusting to med school. It makes sense that you would be here and it is not an indication that you guys are doomed.

2) In my own experience, medical school itself has not caused problems, but has shown me what our weaknesses as a couple really are. For some people it could be communication, money management, intimacy, conflict resolution, etc. One you realize what those weaknesses are for you, it is up to you and your partner to figure out a way to strengthen that area.

3) Medical school is not forever. This adjustment period is not forever. Two months from now you may be shocked to realize you've found your rhythm. Mine started MS2 last week and I have not yet sensed a palpable increase in the stress level in our home. You are both resilient people and you will both adjust, but you need time.

4) It is normal to fear the future, but it is not healthy to let those fears impact your relationship today. No one knows where you will be 4 years from now, but you have 4 years to spend time together, grow together, and prepare for another new normal. For better or for worse this is a long journey, so there is a lot of opportunity for reflection, reparation, and growth.

You are totally normal and totally strong, and totally going to get through this.

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Beautifully said.
@Lynnea I want to add, I commuted 10+ hours a week for two years and it totally exhausted me. I know we do those kinds of things because we have no other choice but if you have any reserve energy finding a job in your new location will make your life a lot easier.

My husband and I met right before he started MS3. The last two years of medical school and internship were AWESOME. And that included a cross country move to a location where I knew no one. Your husband is under a lot of stress right now because frankly he's gotta prove himself and doesn't know if or how well he can. That kind of challenge comes in waves during this process. It will happen again during step exams, then interviews, and then when he goes to his next program. Not that you'll ever become totally resilient to it but you'll learn to take it with a grain of salt, and hopefully separate his stress from yours. I personally never wanted to be as busy/stressed as my husband, and I have to say I'm quite good at letting him run off to work as I sit here drinking my tea with nothing much on my agenda for the day (true story, happened this morning). I wasn't always like that, I learned.

I'm not sure what I said on this thread but I think I responded. When I say the beginning of residency was really tough for us I try to always add 'but now I feel like I could live at this lifestyle forever.' My husband is in his last year of residency, chief, workaholic, applying to fellowships. We could be living anywhere in the country this time next year, but for now we've found a balance and are very happy.

The changes you have gone through recently would be a struggle even for a couple with the most low stress lives. You both have stressful lives and careers, which tells me you're both strong independent people. It WILL get better.

[Lynnea]

I may come back and post more on this later, but I wanted to respond ASAP because you sound distressed. Here are some things I try to remember when I start spinning out:

1) This thread and this board are not representative of every medical relationship. People come here looking for support, and people needing support are usually struggling. Some people struggled earlier on than others. You are commuting 10 hours per week to a stressful job, on top of a move and adjusting to med school. It makes sense that you would be here and it is not an indication that you guys are doomed.

2) In my own experience, medical school itself has not caused problems, but has shown me what our weaknesses as a couple really are. For some people it could be communication, money management, intimacy, conflict resolution, etc. One you realize what those weaknesses are for you, it is up to you and your partner to figure out a way to strengthen that area.

3) Medical school is not forever. This adjustment period is not forever. Two months from now you may be shocked to realize you've found your rhythm. Mine started MS2 last week and I have not yet sensed a palpable increase in the stress level in our home. You are both resilient people and you will both adjust, but you need time.

4) It is normal to fear the future, but it is not healthy to let those fears impact your relationship today. No one knows where you will be 4 years from now, but you have 4 years to spend time together, grow together, and prepare for another new normal. For better or for worse this is a long journey, so there is a lot of opportunity for reflection, reparation, and growth.

You are totally normal and totally strong, and totally going to get through this.

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Thank you, thank you, thank you. Your words are a breath of fresh air and reading them does help bring me back to my senses. Although I still feel very insecure about this journey, I want my life to be with him more than anything so I want to try. I just don't know how to control the feelings of jealousy (christ I'd love to go to medical school and become a doctor but it's simply not possible), bitterness, and loneliness throughout the process. I hope coming here will help me with those feeling and turn them into something positive. Seeing everyone here I know it's possible to make it through, I just hope I'm strong enough to do it. Lately it feels like I'm carrying so much on my shoulders I just want to break. But thank you for responding, and I'd love to chat with you more sometime! Thank you again

[MarissaNicole]

The other hard thing about the medical journey is that other people just don't get it. Just wait. You'll get all types of inappropriate comments from strangers, acquaintances and even family. "You must be loaded!" Um loaded in debt is more like it!

That's why this place is so theraputic. 1) It helps so much to get the emotions, fears off your chest. 2) we get it! 3) there are lots of wise people who can tell you, they've been there and remind you that you'll get through this too!

Wife of a PGY-6

[Lynnea]

I definitely already feel some relief in just talking to people who understand. It really felt like I was the only one who was going through this and honestly talking to my friends back home simply didn't get it. My BF's parent's are also sometimes hard to handle, as all they see is their son going to medical school so that's all that's on their mind and all they want to talk about. I wonder if it ever gets to be a normal routine and not such a glorified event. I want to talk about marriage and eventually trying for a family! I am obviously beyond proud of him for his accomplishments and I'm not trying to lessen the importance of medical school, but I want us to be able to balance school and our relationship and put an equal amount of importance on both. Do you think this is even possible?

[MarissaNicole]

People will always swoon/gush that your with a doctor! As long as your bf doesn't let it go to his head you'll be fine. It should get old to him too. Medicine is just ONE aspect of his life, even if its the most time consuming. Once he gets settled he'll learn to balance his priorities. And just remember just because medicine may get more of his time is doesn't mean its a higher priority than you!

Wife of a PGY-6