Kids Birthday Party Etiquette?

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

So, question, I got just the following invite for a birthday part for C's friend R. Based on this, do you assume I can't bring D (16 mo)? DH is on call that weekend so I hate to say she can't go but I really can't not take D. Plus, D will LOSE HER SHIT if I don't let her play like the big kids if I do bring her but don't let her on the equipment. And I'm assuming they don't just want us to drop off our 3 yo....

"Please join us to celebrate R's 3rd birthday! Gymnastics fun (for ages 3ish and up) will be followed by food and cake. "

I fully support the parent's right to their kid's birthday however they want, I just feel crappy for C that I can't let her go if that's the case.

[gem]

One of my biggest annoyances with the whole Dr. working every weekend saga is that it seems social invitations for preschoolers are structured around one parent bringing one child. I would assume from that wording that the activities will not be appropriate for kids under 2.5 (or that the party fee that the parents have paid assumes a head count based on only the individual invitees participating). And I would NOT want to spend the party trying to restrain a toddler from gym equipment. I usually get family to babysit for the "other" child during birthday parties, though honestly I see other parents bring siblings to things like that all the time, and it ends up being fine. I'm just kind of a stickler for the party "rules" and don't want to be anxious that I'm doing something wrong. But if the relationship/party attendance were really important, I might be more inclined to give it a try.

Do you know any other families with younger siblings going who might be interested in coordinating toddler entertainment?
Maybe you could respond saying that you won't be able to participate in the gymnastics since you'll have to have your toddler with you, but asking if you could come late to celebrate with cake and wish the birthday child well? The parents would probably respond saying, "oh, you can all participate!" if it really would be ok.

[scrub-jay]

I usually explain the circumstances to the host, and offer to pay whatever extra may be charged. I've yet to have a parent argue. Several parents asked if younger siblings could attend my dd's party last weekend, so you aren't alone. It's also why I choose park or comm center parties where headcount isn't a big deal.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I don't know them that well. It's a family in the playgroup my nanny takes them too. *sigh* What I'll probably do is pay my nanny to watch D while I take C. It's not her fault that Daddy can't do anything. And I totally get the headcount thing, you're space/finances limited, you don't want to pay for kids who can't keep up or who might get hurt.

[poky]

Is there a reason you can't call the parents and just ask if siblings can come or not (making it clear that it's fine if they're not, you just want to know)?

[MrsK]

One of my biggest annoyances with the whole Dr. working every weekend saga is that it seems social invitations for preschoolers are structured around one parent bringing one child. I would assume from that wording that the activities will not be appropriate for kids under 2.5 (or that the party fee that the parents have paid assumes a head count based on only the individual invitees participating). And I would NOT want to spend the party trying to restrain a toddler from gym equipment. I usually get family to babysit for the "other" child during birthday parties, though honestly I see other parents bring siblings to things like that all the time, and it ends up being fine. I'm just kind of a stickler for the party "rules" and don't want to be anxious that I'm doing something wrong. But if the relationship/party attendance were really important, I might be more inclined to give it a try.

Do you know any other families with younger siblings going who might be interested in coordinating toddler entertainment?
Maybe you could respond saying that you won't be able to participate in the gymnastics since you'll have to have your toddler with you, but asking if you could come late to celebrate with cake and wish the birthday child well? The parents would probably respond saying, "oh, you can all participate!" if it really would be ok.

This. I'd feel really on the spot if a parent asked if they could bring a sibling. I wouldn't feel like I could say no. When my kids get invites, I always assume that the siblings are not invited. I might mention that I'm trying to make childcare arrangements for the other children and I'll let them know whether the invited kid is attending. Sometimes, this prompts them to extend an invitation to the other kids but usually not. The more frequent response is a "whew" and thanking me for arranging a sitter.

BTW, this gets worse when preschool starts. Lots of class parties, field trips, and school events at which siblings are not welcome. I'm a SAHM and I've had to miss visit days in K1's class because I don't have a sitter for Lambie.

[scrub-jay]

Kids Birthday Party Etiquette?

Huh, maybe I just got lucky with our very small, close knit preschool then. Maybe it's that most of the younger siblings are all friends, but we've yet to go to a party that didn't include the siblings. It seems common to offer to pay for any extra heads over 1 parent-1 kid if it's an admission type place however. It's also a montessori school with combined ages, so the older kids care for the younger ones, which admittedly changes the dynamic too.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I don't want to ask if D can come. I feel that puts her in a bad spot. Although it is actually a medical family, I just don't know them.

I might ask another mom with a very young second child if I can take her older son and C and drop D off with her. D is easy is watch right now when there's not climbing equipment.

[scrub-jay]

So many of these etiquette questions seem regional. Where I'm from, kid Bday parties are almost always family affairs. I plan my own kids parties with younger siblings in mind as well.

[Pollyanna]

So many of these etiquette questions seem regional. Where I'm from, kid Bday parties are almost always family affairs. I plan my own kids parties with younger siblings in mind as well.

It's interesting. With our oldest two the siblings were always included. Never a big deal at all. With our next two siblings were NOT included and folks made it clear. We just went to far fewer parties because of the logistics. That was all in AZ. Here in TN I can't really tell yet. dd6 has been invited to many parties but we have only gone to two. I'm just not a huge believer in going to every party they are invited to. It sets a bad precedent for when they get older and your option is family time or a party every weekend.

I think you're doing the right thing T&S. Most folks will indicate if siblings are welcome.

[ladymoreta]

If I don't know the family well, I arrange for child care for the sibling. I agree it puts them on the spot if you ask, and they will likely say D can come, but it may be an inconvenience or extra expense for them. I would expect them to refuse to let you pay the difference for D, but that may be regional.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

^I agree. Plus even if I offer to pay for her, I think it's confusing for other guests who don't know that I did and their child is excluded. Annoying. Also, D is a baby still compared to the other kids so I don't imagine she will be able to deal/keep up and I'd have to hardcore supervise her while the other kids have to wait for her.

I'm so annoyed. I'd just skip it but it's a nice evening activity for C on a tough weekend for her - Daddy is away at that conference and won't be home until like Tues.