new driver tips

[houseelf]

I can't believe this myself, but we are signing up our oldest for drivers Ed on July 1. Give me all your best tips on conversations to have, rules that work, and how to navigate this one.

Financially, we stress that we own the car. He must pay for drivers education, gasoline, and earn grades that will give him the good student discount. We cover the cost of ownership and insurance. It's all those other conversations that feel so overwhelming to me. Let me hear them. Wish us well.

[HouseofWool]

Gah! I can't even imagine. I'm stressing about the fact that mine will be pretty much unsupervised for 10 hours a day while I work this summer.

[peggyfromwastate]

Good luck. Teaching my teen to drive was one of the worst experiences ever. Ever.

Advice... Hmmmm. Drivers tests are way more difficult to pass now-- there are all sorts of "sudden death" scenarios that will fail you instantly. Look up those sudden death errors and stress them when you drive together. And be prepared for him to fail the first test-- it's very rare for kids to pass the first time now. It's hard to be supportive through spending all that time at the DMV and waiting and everything, then to have a distraught teen. So just mentally prepare yourself and maybe he'll pass first time!!

Cell phone. Ugh. The worst thing about teens driving. I hate it. Make the cell phone a sudden death thing of your own-- texting or calling while driving means instant loss of privilege. I don't have a way to enforce this, but I do show all sorts of scary videos about texting and driving etc. to try to encourage thoughtful cell phone use.

Also, it's OK to miss a turn or miss an exit. It's better than trying to make a last minute move to try to make the turn or exit.

Right turns are your friends.

You may run into this problem-- I did. Left turn signals. Most lights had an arrow for the left turn where we lived. Almost 99%. Dd only saw a left turn light without an arrow (so just a green circle, the kind you need to yield for) about two times before the test. I had to find an intersection where I could teach her how to deal with this, and watch for pedestrians, and watch for the cross traffic...

Good luck.

[Sheherezade]

Try to stay calm. Lol. I have yet to succeed at this. Find an empty lot or subdivision for your first practices. Use visualization to put cars in every spot and have them navigate to a spot you've predetermined. Low risk/worry, but it makes them think about what it will be like with cars everywhere before there are cars everywhere. I have a book called Crash Proof Your Kid that gives a structure to driving lessons. For me, this helped. I think it made my kid more nervous. I probably shouldn't have told her there was a structure and just used it to organize myself. I could have read it at night and pretended I just thought up these ideas! Lol. One friend made her kid drive them everywhere. Literally every time they got in the car, the kid had to drive. If it was too much for them, they were told they could pull over somewhere safe and an adult would take over. The kid is a good driver now. Hardcore though, not sure I have the patience for that approach. We have one of these - Automattic Driver Feedback device. It has a whole teen driver set up that you can use to earn badges, etc and count your hours behind the wheel. It might make it more interesting.

I'm horrible at driving instruction. Since Dad is the car guy, I'm trying so hard to and it to him. The kid prefers it. Still, his available time is too rare.

[Pollyanna]

Great driving tips from Peggy and Angie! I'm not the hands on teacher. Dh does 90% of that. With our oldest two I was pregnant when they were learning to drive and just didn't do well with that stress, lol.

I talk about the realities of driving as well as our expectations. First we talk responsibility. Not financial. We actually don't address financial stuff until they have been driving for a year or two because the financial stuff is meaningless compared to the other responsibilities, imo.
First, you could kill someone. You could remove a person from their life and family. You yourself could go to jail. Driving is a big f-ing deal and they need to "get-it" best a 16 year old can (and it's important to realize that developmentally they won't really "get-it" like we want them to but it will be a start). Every time they get into the car they need to appreciate the weight of the responsibility. Walk him through what happens if there is an accident and someone is hurt or killed. Some people would go after the family financially and that is why you carry umbrella insurance. But the limits of that umbrella may not be enough. How can his actions effect the entire family, not just himself. If you have a great insurance agent you can set up a meeting with him to discuss liabilities.

I should mention that I tell our kids that if they ever get defensive or cannot be a part of the discussion then all driving lessons will cease. If you are not mature enough to talk realities they you are most certainly not mature enough to drive. They will be part of these discussions and they will not get defensive at anytime during driving lessons or discussions. But they are encouraged to express what is working and what isn't working for them. Dd21 asked that the "no radio" rule during lessons be changed because the silence made her more nervous. We agreed and she did better. Some things are negotiable. Learning to drive is a good time to really learn to dialogue with your child on a different level and it is a good time for them to start discussing uncomfortable things with mom and dad and starting to feel the weight of more adult responsibilities.

I'm sure our kiddos would prefer to have me screaming at them during a lesson vs the conversations I insist on, lol! And yes, people think that's too scary and will upset their children. But I'm in the "life is full of scary shit, it's time you start you start understanding that" camp.

[Thirteen]

new driver tips

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[SoonerTexan]

My only advice is take your kids on highways and do a lot of practice. We did a little in Drivers Ed, but it scared my mom. I wasn't allowed to drive on highways in HS (fair enough...much safer on backroads anyway), but then I had to get over the fear myself in college. In a big metro area like DFW, driving on huge, elevated, 6 line highways is unavoidable eventually...though you may not have that much of an issue where you live.

Oh, and remind your kids not to turn onto a road in front of a car, even if that car is signaling that they are about to turn into the road/complex you are turning from and conceivably would be stopping. My mom drilled that into me and it's saved me a couple times now.

[peggyfromwastate]

One thing about the test, when you get to that point, is that if the driver asks clarification, that can be a sudden death. (This was in CA. I don't know if that's SOP but it seems like they've nationalized the standards.) So, if you say, "Change lanes", they can't say, "Where? When do I change lanes? Can I go now?" They just have to do the signal/headcheck/change lane maneuver and be safe and cautious. If they say "turn right" the driver can't ask where, they need to assume the next right. You get the idea...

On ramps--- super tricky. They need to accelerate, watch traffic behind them, and try to merge into traffic. I stressed that when you enter the freeway you've "failed" if anyone already on the freeway needs to change their speed. (This is true for any driving, but new drivers like to go 20 mph so freeways are their own special experience.)

Another thing that I don't know if you have anywhere to practice on--- hills. Steep hills. Hills where if you stop you need to sort of gun it to not roll backwards. They need to learn to drive on hills, probably. We did drive through San Francisco though which has some intense hills. I taught her to workaround a lot of the scary hills (where you can't see over the crest) by driving perpendicular to the slope and waiting until the hills weren't so steep.

I haven't had to teach ice and snow, though. That's a special kind of torture. When I learned on ice and snow I was just taught to go slowly, and to expect other drivers to spin out, so to keep a big cushion around myself.

Teaching my dd was kinda a nightmare but I needed to do most of it simply because dh was so busy. When she needed to get a lot of time in, I'd make her go with him during an early morning practice time-- so when they dropped off my ds at swim at 6 am, dd and dh would drive for 2 hours, then go pick him up. This helped her reach her hours, practice on mostly empty roads, and gain a healthy appreciation for driving...

[Sheherezade]

Our driving tests were not that strict and rigorous here, I don't think. At least f they were I didn't hear the story from my son. He passed on the first try on a snowy day, and he's not that in to driving.

I guess we are lucky to have a more reasonable BMV!!


Angie

[peggyfromwastate]

They have all sorts of sudden death things here in hawaii too. I guess you never know!!

Hardcore to take a driving test on a snowy day!!