here we go

alright, you guys. it's been a lil' while since i posted but i need to keep my contacts up here.. every time i read this sight i get the sense that if P and i are going to do this thing i'm going to need support like y'all offer. we talked about it and i'm going. like, we're going going, and we're going together. we've decided that we'll live together. it's either chicago, portland or DC... i don't really care which. they all sound exciting and before i met him i was, at the end of june, going to flip a coin (seriously!) in order to determine where i was gonna go. reading the surg res spouses' posts disturbs me somewhat... i'm very much like the sweet man looking to marry his neurosurg girlfriend. i have high hopes for what it is will can do for love. i am mystified that this website is to so great an extent evidence of what love can build. i'm hoping that my sense of mystery, my experience with grief and loneliness already in my short life, and my commitment will take me through. the next step: making sure he understands what i'm agreeing to. he says he does. i'm a 'measure-fourteen times, cut once' kind of girl. and if the fates allow us to make it to the point where we can talk seriously about the direction that he'll be going, i don't think i'll be able to say a surgical residency is ok. i have some say here. i must echo a post made a while back by someone whose handle i forget... i don't accept that i will take a backseat to P's career. he found medicine before he found me. but he found me. i don't necessarily feel like i have to be riding in front alone all the time, with Being A Doctor riding bitch in the back-- i know i'll have to share. and i know there will be times where there'll be nothing for me to do but let him do what he needs to. i am asking, though, that he and i work as much as possible to be together in this. it's the only way. i believe we have real potential. he has tremendous potential, himself. but i have to be realistic in my evaluation of what he truly wants-- me and his md, or his md and oh yeah me too. Big difference. and now, we have to find out where he's going.

Hi there,

i'm a 'measure-fourteen times, cut once' kind of girl.

I've never heard this expression before, but I like it! I think it describes me as well.

Sounds like you've been doing a lot of thinking about this, and I'm sure you'll do what's right for you. You have some very good thoughts in your post, like the whole "me and his md, or his md and oh yeah me too." The way I look at it is that medicine does take up the majority of my husband's, but I know I am more important to him than medicine is. He's told me this before, and that makes everything easier.

That said, there was a point during med school when my husband seriously considered ENT, which is a time-consuming surgical specialty. He ultimately changed to medicine, but I would have supported him through ENT, even though it would have probably meant a more grueling lifestyle (not that medicine and ID are a cake walk by any stretch of the imagination!!!)

My point is, if P wants to do surgery, consider letting him go that course. Hopefully he won't want to do a surgical sub-specialty, too! You're waiting to hear about schools, right? He's got plenty of time to sort all of this out...don't worry too much about those choices now.

Congratulations on deciding that you are going with him, wherever it is! (I moved to Chicago after two years of long distance and it was the right thing to do for us as well!)

Good luck, definitely keep us posted!

[PrincessFiona]

I'm a measure after I cut kinda girl I don't read the directions before I build something because I love torturing myself into figuring it out myself. This is not something I'm proud of, mind you...it's just anoterh offering of insight into my personality 8)

Gravity,

Congrats on the decision....It does sound like you both have put a lot of thought into this!

i'm hoping that my sense of mystery, my experience with grief and loneliness already in my short life, and my commitment will take me through. the next step

It absolutely will...You will be amazed to discover how strong you are, how the training years can become your greatest adventure and how much your love for each other can and will grow!

I can't wait to hear where this part of your adventure will begin! My vote is for Chicago...I love the Windy City

kris

[Flynn]

It sounds like you are up for this challenge. I'm sure when it's all over (besides finding grey hairs) you will have been tested in ways you never dreamed could happen. This will hopefully be a good thing.



Good luck.
It will be some kind of ride!

here we're going

you guys-- jill, flynn, fiona-- thank you for replying. i read you guys' posts and i see the insight in them towards other people's situations, and i was hoping that your particular perspectives would be offered to me. everyone here is amazing like that, really. so much relevance to what is potentially to come. and i take great heart from your replies. the fact that you think that this adventure-nightmare that's probably coming to me can strengthen and foster love-- that's a good thing. i needed to hear it. i just need to make sure that we're on the same page, he and i.

Kris, I hear ya on the measure after you cut thing! I'm too impatient to read instructions, hence having to do my taxes all over again because I forgot one stinkin' form...

Anyway,
Gravity, great to hear from you. It really does sound like you've thought about this a lot. Best of luck to you on your journey! And I really hope your bf has been thinking about this with as much care as you have because the worst thing would be for you to hang in there for him and to find out later that it wasn't worth it because his level of effort/commitment just wasn't up to yours. I've been there and it sucked.

What schools is he looking at in Chicago? If you have any questions about the city, neighborhoods, nightlife whatever, give me a shout!

-Esther

chicago?

bumblebee, what do you know about North Chicago and the medical school there? i've forgotten the name of it. also, we had another talk. two actually, one of them sucking but having nothing to do with medical school (it sucked because i can't just put stuff away... i dwell. it's dumb.) the other was good. whether or not he thought we needed to be, we're clearer on each other's intentions. i am not much a fan of assumptions, and i'm not much a fan of being strung up by strands of hope. although gossamer and lovely, they're often tenuous at best. i've been dropped on my bum too many times. and here, here... i think this will be ok. we're giving ourselves safety space. i wasn't sure what he wanted in that department... that was the other talk. we've decided to have our own seperate spaces within the apartment... two bedrooms or a bedroom and a large office (rent isn't so bad where we're going). i didn't like the idea of having two bedrooms, like, with two beds. something about it felt like well, ok, if we don't like it we can just pretend we're roommates, or whenever we need to we can pretend we're roommates. wasn't the case though. both of us are concerned, in our own ways, that we'll go too much too fast if we're not careful. my solution is to be utterly clear in our communications, knowing that human communication is imperfect when it's good, and subtly but wholly destructive when it's bad. his is to have more faith than i, or hope rather, and give a wide berth for potential disagreements. a combination of both will probably be best.

Chicago is awesome..
I love it here.. there is so much to do.. but granted I've been here all my life and am lookin for a change now..

Chicago Med? Or whatever they changed the name to now... I'll ask my bf, but I'm pretty sure that's the one school everyone at Northwestern makes fun of. Of course, that's Northwestern , so I'd take it with a grain of salt. A friend of a friend goes to PA school there and likes it a lot. Also, as far as I know, they get placed into good residencies.

-Esther

yep, that's the one

Yeah. that's the impression p and i are getting too. I'm not surprised people make fun of it. It's tiny and no one's heard of it and it's not northwestern or u of chicago... not a major research uni... so, oh well. we're hoping it's gonna be georgetown for him, and dc for us... and hopefully georgetown grad for me too, the following year. thanks for lookin' into it for me.

[migirl]

I hadn't ever heard of Chicago Med before this year either, but one of the incoming urology residents this July is a graduate of that school so it can't be that bad!

How likely is it that you'll be heading to Georgetown? That's where my husband went to medical school, and I attended the business school there and got my MBA during his last 2 years. My brother and his fiancee also attend the medical school there (3rd year and 1st year, respectively), so I feel like I know pretty much everything there is to know about the school! PM me if you have any questions about the school or the area, I'll be happy to help if I can.

It sounds like you and your BF are having some good conversations and making some level-headed decisions, good luck to you both on your journey!

DC sounds cool. One of my friends recently moved out there for grad school and loves it.

Are you looking at any other schools in Chicago? UIC, Loyola, Rush?

I think it's good that you're going to have your own space when you move. And that you're having these important talks now. Sounds like the two of you are good communicators. Sometimes I wish my bf would be more open with me (he likes to keep it all inside).

Good luck!

Esther