Wedding Showers

[alotofyarn]

How important is it that I attend a wedding shower if I'm a bridesmaid? Hubby is on call that weekend, it's at least an hour away, and it's a couple's shower at 6pm. The bride suggested I bring the pack n play and set E up in another room of the house. I'm already going to the bachelorette party, and I'm likely paying for part of the photographer as my gift to them, so I'm not bringing anything to this anyway, except maybe something sentimental (my SIL gave me an address book filled in with all of the family's information, so I was thinking about doing that).

[SoonerTexan]

I think you are totally within your right to skip.

[corn poffi]

Completely disagree. As the SIL to be and a bridesmaid, it would be rude not to attend.

[TulipsAndSunscreen]

I have skipped even if I'm in the wedding. It's been too far with a new baby or we couldn't swing the flight. These are friends though and not family so maybe they're more understanding.

[WolfpackWife]

Wedding Showers

Life gets in the way sometimes. Even if she is family and you're in the wedding, I think she'll understand. One of my bridesmaids and best friends missed my bachelorette weekend because she had a family emergency that she and to attend to. Another of my closest friends missed one of my bridal showers because she ended up having to unexpectedly have her tonsils out the day before. I get it. You have a kid and an unavailable spouse. It's an hour away and at sort of a weird and inconvenient time. Bringing your daughter would just make to stressful for you even if the bride is all for it. Maybe if it was a 2pm I'd say yeah it sucks but you should go. But...I'd get it. Plus (and I'm just being honest) is probably rather my sil/bridesmaid be able to come sans kid rather than have to haul all that stuff there and have that distraction. So I would be totally understanding.


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[alotofyarn]

Completely disagree. As the SIL to be and a bridesmaid, it would be rude not to attend.

My sister is also a bridesmaid, and she lives out of town - I can guarantee she won't be there.

[corn poffi]

To me, there's a difference between having to fly or having to drive an hour.

But that's just me. I'm never one to miss out on something that may be important to somebody else. I always saw it as being a bridesmaid meant you have to do all the random shit that comes with it. (I'd never fly anywhere for a shower, but of course I'd drive a few hours!)

[scrub-jay]

It's also WAY different when you have to bring a kid to an evening event. My kids would have screamed bloody murder if plunked down in a pack n play during the bedtime hour. That would definitely detract from the whole shower. I'd argue that it'd be much less acceptable to show up under those circumstances.

[WolfpackWife]

Wedding Showers

^^totally agree. I'd rather someone kindly bow out than bring a toddler around 6-7pm.


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[rufflesanddots]

Yeah, I agree with not attending. It's not that it simply starts at 6:00 PM, it's that you have to transport a toddler during dinner time, be "on" during the shower while also trying to watch your kid through dinner/bedtime, and then drive another hour home after all of it while trying not to disturb your kid? Doesn't your FSIL have kids? I feel like she'd understand. Maybe you can send a little bridal shower care package with that address book and one of those triangle flag things she could use as a decoration? Or you could even offer to Skype during gifts so it felt like you were there.

I also don't really agree with bridesmaids being obligated to attend every event, even if it's within their home city. If that's what a friend of mine truly wanted, I'd rather just hand her a check for $500+ and tell her I'd see her at the wedding as a guest. Someone's wedding doesn't shouldn't dictate how you spend your free time and money for the year leading up to it, you know?

[WolfpackWife]

Also, to echo R&D...I had four wedding events total, three of which were bridal showers. I specifically told my bridesmaids - all of whom live in town - PLEASE DO NOT feel like you need to come to all of these. You'll get invites, because that's just how it is, but DO NOT COME if you don't want to. There was one shower that was thrown by my BMs that I really wanted all my friends at, so I said if you only want to come to one, please try to come to that one - the others? Don't care!

[alotofyarn]

Doesn't your FSIL have kids? I feel like she'd understand.

She does, but she and I have very different styles of parenting. Her kids also lived with her mom and grandma until sometime in the last 6 months or so, and they're 6 and 8, I think.

I'd almost consider throwing her a shower myself for just ladies, at a reasonable time, especially the older family members and friends who probably don't want to go to what I can only assume is going to be a crazy party of a couples' shower, but I don't really have time, and her family is way too crazy for me.

[gcuthbe1]

I had a friend with a newborn coming to my shower, and I told her not to feel guilty if she needed to come early/late, leave early, etc so my event wasn't messing up their sleep or eat schedule. Perhaps if the driving at dinner time is an issue you could show up early, then leave early?

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[tippyleigh]

Children completely change the rules in my book. If you were childless, I'd say suck it up and go. But taking a kiddo is a PITA!


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