the waiting game continues

but of course. of course it continues. of course i'm tempted to call pre-dh's house and ask if he got any mail, while he's out doing something involving sand and water and sun. ::jitters:: i just got back from school. it's weird because i keep imagining all these possible scenarios, and playing them out in my mind. i feel afraid because he's so cozy and good and...like... present right now. he's around. he's here. and i am his and he's mine. i actually feel selfish, and (how's this for personification) jealous of the school that he gets accepted into. he will, as time goes on, belong more and more to the spectre-entity of this profession. he says, and he's right, that there's nothing we can do but help each other through this. we're very deeply and love and it's a funny thing about that, how we've chosen each other even as he's choosing this too. i support him. i'm f'in proud of him, in fact. but i have this back-of-my-mind image of him choosing trauma surgery as his specialty, and me being like, yes. you love this. if you love this than do it. but what we said before isn't true anymore. it's changed. you belong to that now, and if you love it than i have nothing against it, but i will have so much less of you. and inside i ask myself even now, how could i possible ask him to want more of me? it's not a competition. it's his life. but.... arg. arg. how do you share this with them. what do you do? do you still love each other? my emotional imagination is vivid and brutal, see, and my youth gives me high hopes. the combination can be disastrous to midnight conversations between P and me.

mrsG-- i hope that both of ours get into OHSU. i hope that they both go, because they both want to. and i hope, if that's the case, that i can meet you. because i'm scared positively crapless, and i don't think i'm going to handle this as well as i'm pretending. i'm getting my EMT to get my share of blood and guts. but i think we're both gonna need someone that understands, even if it's just a wave and a nod in passing.

[Meenah]

Take a deep breath, lighten up and relax. It is a long haul, lots of ups and downs. Try not to stress out over the potential difficulties, it will only make them worse. Do you go to school or work? It is important to have a life of your own. Good luck.
Luanne

<chuckles>

what you said is kinda like what he said. lightening up isn't my specialty, but i'm trying. i work for a livin'-- i teach, landscape, sell things to people who don't need them (i work at REI), and write. school is secondary. we'll see when i can afford it full time-- i want my masters. but for right now it's the seventh grade goobers that i love so much.

i know i need my own life. i have my own life. but up until now it's been relatively unstructured and free-- my job, not to mention my utter lack of personal obligations to anyone but my immediate family, allowed me to go to Nepal and climb mountains. sounds ridiculous in print to me, but it's true. i can do that, i can do this. right? maybe.
mountaineers, by and large, are pretty good people. we're also selfish and often just plain bad to those we love. self-absorbed. focused. obsessive. i gotta get some of that back. i let a lot of it go after i got back into the states. i was sick, 20 pounds lighter, still unattached to anyone, but enamoured with the thought of maybe, like, doing something with my life. it wasn't supposed to be complicated like this. there wasn't supposed to be anyone else to complicate it . how 20-something of me, eh? and now, look at me, all 23 years old, a big girl. Yeah. Now let's see me find something that i can absorb myself in as well as i did that climb-- that i can live on.[/list]

Yeah, it's hard to just "lighten up" because someone says so. But don't think so much about it right now. He's still going to be the same person you love and just because he's choosing a great deal of structure for his life doesn't mean that you're restricted from your own freedom. You'll just be based in a different city

I find it's really hard to find a balance of togetherness and apartness in a relationship. I'm very good at being independent when I'm alone, but for some reason being in a relationship makes me lazy about doing things I enjoy without my bf. I guess time will change that. It helps to have close friends you connect with-- it keeps your mind from driving itself nuts.

-Esther

Re: the waiting game continues

mrsG-- i hope that both of ours get into OHSU. i hope that they both go, because they both want to. and i hope, if that's the case, that i can meet you. because i'm scared positively crapless, and i don't think i'm going to handle this as well as i'm pretending. i'm getting my EMT to get my share of blood and guts. but i think we're both gonna need someone that understands, even if it's just a wave and a nod in passing.

Oh my dear Gravity I, too, hope that ours get into OHSU. I am just as scared as you are and I'm incredibly nervous about it all, too. I know the mail is here today but I don't want to go down and check it ... but then I do.

When they are accepted we're going to start hanging out, drinking coffee and doing our own work together. I'll keep you updated if you do the same for me.

(I'll also try to keep you sane if you can try that with me! hehehe)

on keeping sane

it's a deal, m'deah. i'll stay sane if youuuuu wiiiiiilllllll ::grins::
i'd love to have someone to drink coffee and do work not pertaining in any way, shape or form to my boyfriend and his med school extravaganza. i'd like to do it with someone who understands what it is to be in this silly whirlwind. and most of all, i want to see us all as happy and healthy as we can be, considering the odd path we've chosen. (and anyway, who says odd paths aren't odd, just very specific to the chooser?)

good luck my friend. we called OHSU today and they said decisions will be out by the end of the week. did you hear anything?

[Flynn]

Well I feel OLD reading this thread!!!

I'm not sure how I feel about that....I do remember my then boyfriend matching in his residency and how I thought I would DIE if he didn't match in a certain place. I remember waiting for the call, talking with him briefly, getting very excited, and then having him go off and celebrate (we were in different states) with his buddies and I was left to write a horrible research paper about Feminist characters written by Shakespeare. Gosh that seems a lifetime ago!!! I guess it was about 7 years ago almost to the month actually....

I will reiterate the whole "relax" message the vetrans have mentioned in various ways. The ups and downs in this life are many -- the unpredictibility is HIGH almost all the time (will he be home? will he not?) so getting worked up about things might keep you skinny, but it won't do your peace of mind any favors.

Also, try and enjoy this phase in your life. See the excitement and the possibilities rather than "I NEED TO KNOW NOW!!!"

We all look forward to hearing what happens. Good luck and take deep breaths!!!!

Re: on keeping sane

I'm so up for this deal. I can handle this ... maybe. If I can handle my being sane hopefully I'll be able to do the same for a friend!

I'd love to have a woman my age to talk to who knows what this all feels like. Right now I don't and it's frustrating as all heck. This board has really helped me already and that's been great.

I don't think that our paths are odd. I think we're in love and we're supporting those who we love in what they want to do. If Bobby woke up tomorrow and decided that he wanted to go to clown school I would think it were a little odd for a bit but if it's what he wants then I'm happy with it for him and will support him. Very specific to the chooser is right - not odd.

They're going to have decisions out by the end of the week? EEEEK 8O 8O 8O 8O Oh Lord that makes me so incredibly nervous. I am going to be on edge checking the mail until Friday now. I will definately let you know when we get our letter!

Edited to add: We did not hear from OHSU today.

OHSU was supposed to have their decisions out by the end of last week. We live 1 mail day away from OHSU and we didn't hear from them on Saturday or today.

I am hoping for good news tomorrow.

Apparently "denial letters" were sent out a few weeks ago. Bobby's best friend got one ... so we're hoping that they're just holding the rest of us in suspense!

GRRR

ohsu

you should call them a call was made to ohsu by a mystery person (me) that said that if you call, they'll tell you whether you got in or not. we got our letter and it seems we're moving to portland... i really, really hope that you'll join us, or we'll join you, or whichever, there at ohsu. it would be so great. if you don't, it's all good of course-- i'm sure that wherever you end up, both you and your dh will be brilliant. we'll stay on this board regardless, right? good luck, my friend. and let us know!