Can you be friends with your boss?

[PrincessFiona]

I really like my boss. We have a lot in common and she has a fun personality. Thomas and I actually went out with her and her husband for dinner one night several months back.

As I continue working though, I wonder if friendship is doable?

It hasn't impacted work so far, but I imagine there are things that could be problematic.

Have you ever been friends with your boss? Do you think it is doable?

Kris


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[Pollyanna]

Can you be friends with your boss? Yes. Should you be friends with your boss? No.

There is truth to the old adage, "familiarity breeds contempt". There will come a time that either the work or the friendship will get in the way. Given the instance you mentioned in the other thread about your boss deciding you will be filling in for the admin. When it's just your boss that makes that decision it may make you mad but you can move past it. When it's your friend that same decision now involves your feelings and thoughts like, "she knows how I need the money or I thought she was my friend, etc". More feelings get involved and it may effect the job. If you can keep both separate then it may be okay but I am a huge believer in keeping work and personal life separate. Now, that is not to say that you can't be friendly, go out for a meal now and again, but becoming buff just won't be healthy in the long run.

[PrincessFiona]

That is the problem. I want this to be able to work both ways. I wonder if it would help if I just honestly communicated my thoughts.


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[rufflesanddots]

This is a tough one. In this instance, I feel as though the power dynamic will always be off. She will always have control that you don't (e.g., telling you you're now doing xyz at work, or really having the ability to terminate your employment). I think it is possible to have a healthy, close relationship with a boss while maintaining professional boundaries. My worry in bringing this up with her is that she'd potentially view it as boundary crossing--and then what?

Maybe it could be possible if the professional relationship evolved into a partnership instead of a boss/employee relationship?

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[MrsK]

Can you be friends with your boss? Yes. Should you be friends with your boss? No.

.

This. That said, I am friends with my former boss. Our relationship will always be somewhat formal in part because he's my professional mentor and in part because he's a man 30 years my senior. But I consider him a friend and did so once we became law partners. At that point, however, we'd worked together for over a decade and I'd known his son since high school. He was in my wedding party (witness to our ketubah signing) and offered to walk me down the aisle when my father refused. He cried and gave a speech at my rehearsal dinner, saying that although he never had a daughter, I'd always be his little girl. We've kept in touch and I worry that I've disappointed him by choosing to be a SAHM after all he invested in my professional development.

As a boss myself, I avoided friendships with my subordinates. I always found that it got in the way. It seemed especially so because I am a woman. They expected me to be "one of the girls" and gossip about our personal lives. I really didn't want to know about it if they fought with their boyfriends or had too much to drink last night. I just hated it when female associates expected me to cover for them when they skipped out to go shopping or when they shared pictures of themselves passed out drunk. I couldn't unsee that stuff and it colored my impression of their professional abilities. They expected me to be more sympathetic when they couldn't do their jobs because I was their friend, after all. If they weren't doing their jobs, I couldn't do mine.

Now, the situation may be different given that you and your boss are of similar age and professional status. Obviously, you aren't a dumbass and you aren't going to let your boss see you behaving unprofessionally. But I would probably maintain a professional distance for now. You never know what you don't know about her that you don't want to know. You know what I mean?

[gcuthbe1]

I've seen it backfire. I think it's best to keep a barrier up.

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[Meenah]

I think it is doable, but difficult.

[houseelf]

You know my take. I have freakishly strong boundaries with bosses and work mates. I'm also pretty private IRL because I need time and space to work things out in my heart first before going public. I really believe that good fences make good neighbors and firm boundaries make good work relationships. That's me though.

[Vanquisher]

[MENTION=1421]HouseofWool[/MENTION]

[ladymoreta]

@HouseofWool

Hehe!

[SoonerTexan]

BTDT, though we were friends before she was my boss. It made some things very very hard, but in the end I think she did a good job of straddling the line. Would definitely have preferred to NOT be in that situation thoigh


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[HouseofWool]

I'm finally at a computer...

I think, yes, it is definitely possible to be friends with your boss. The caveat being that you need be very upfront about expectations. It sounds like a no brainer, but clear communication is critical. Of course, I was a model employee, so, take my perspective with a grain of salt.

Truthfully, working for H was probably one of the very best decisions of my life. It was scary at first. Hell, when she offered me the job, out of the blue, she intimidated me. Like I was so freaking nervous. And I had no idea how to pronounce her last name. But, in working for her, I LEARNED so much about both myself, and about medicine. Leaving the practice was one of the hardest things I did. I still miss talking to her nearly daily. The position offered me the opportunity to buy my house. I learned enough to leverage that knowledge into a well paying job locally.

So, yes, you CAN be friends with your boss.

[Howfunitis]

I was/am friends with two of my previous bosses. It's just knowing where to draw the line. I made sure that at work it was business and only business and it pertained to business and work. Once we were out it was just us girls and we didn't want talk about work. I was very good at maintains that line and never crossing if and so were they /)