Tensions are HIGH..

I swear the closer to boards the smaller my patience is. Yes I'm so excitied and can't wait till I go to Lake Tahoe but until then am I not supposed to talk to my sweetie?? If we talk its at like 11 at night. and its really starting to get on my nerves. I told him again that it bothers me but I don't think he is listening. And it seems that every other time we talk he snips.. I am getting the understanding of how stressful this is. But lord what am I supposed to do for the next two.5 weeks?? I have something planned for every weekend which is good but its those times during the week that hit me hard.. You only can go to the gym so much.. Its hard also because I'm going thru a major transition myself. All my girlfriends moved out of state and the two guy friends I have here both have live in girlfriends. Any ideas of keeping myself REALLY busy?? Sorry for the vent its just really starting to take its toll.. NOW
Oh and a ?, do they go back to normal after boards?? Well maybe I should explain that. When he started studying for boards he got a lil depressed and has his ups and downs. He'll be happy one day, stressed the next, then depressed the next.. Its this up and down rollercoaster I can't stand. Will his attitude improve after the exam and be back to his funny, vivacious self again.. . I want to talk to him about how we will handle the next part once he goes back and does the 90 hr surgery stint.. but that of course will be after the exam and after vacation.. No fighting needed there.. Just needed to get these feelings out.. I hope I made some kind of sense

I am in the same boat. My husband's boards are still about a month away, but the situation is the same. I feel like we don't get to talk much, and when we do, we end up in an arguement. I want to tell him how he's bugging me, but that would be totally unproductive, we would argue, and I would feel guilty about taking away study time to sit and argue. I feel like I have to keep quite a bit bottled up in order for his study schedule to go smoothly, and it can really get to be a bit much. I feel like I make all kinds of exceptions for him, like ignoring comments or his "tone", I'm constantly making lunch, dinner... I know he appreciates it, but really, another month of this??

I certainly hope they go back to normal, I think they will anyway. This is basically what he is like during test times, though the duration was much much shorter, and he always would return to his normal self. I am jealous that you are taking a vacation! My huband planned his boards for as late as possible and has three days before his peds rotation begins 8O . I mean really, I would think you need SOME kind of break!! I think he'll probaby spend the three days sleeping!

As for how to keep yourself busy, I would take up a hobby! I've been really into sewing lately, I have no idea why. I got a sewing machine for christmas, and my mom taught me how to knit. So when I'm not busy with my daughter, I'm doing something like that. It seems to help. We also take a lot of walks, she's been to the park so many times already this summer that I think it will get boring soon.

Hang in there for a few weeks. It makes me feel better to remember that my husband doesn't really want to study as much as he does either. Hiding out in his office really isn't his first choice on how to spend a day. Its easy to forget that though.

Good luck to both of you! It'll be over soon and things will get better!

It's really hard when your friends aren't around-- it was like that for me when I first moved here. There's only so much you can do by yourself before you start going insane. How much free time do you have? Can you sign up for some volunteering- tutoring or walking dogs at an animal shelter or something? It might be fun and a good way to meet some people. Or take a class? I met a lot of people through various dance classes that I took by myself. Can you spend some time out of the suburbs? There are a bunch of festivals in Chicago now.

Hang in there!

Esther

[Auspicious]

26 days left for us. FH has been studying at school this week and getting home at like 11-11:30. At that point I know he should go right to sleep, but I cannot seem to stop myself from running off at the mouth and telling him all about my day at a rate of about 300 words per minute. Blahblahblahblahblah and the whole time I know I should be letting him sleep but then I think "wait, I'll just tell him this one more thing." I'm bad.

I'd say I'm also listening to him, but he's sort of lost his mind and isn't really forming coherent thoughts at this point. Our friends e-mailed us wanting to know if we could go for dim sum (brunch) Saturday or Sunday. FH e-mailed back to the whole group that we could do Saturday morning but not evening. Um, for brunch? I e-mailed everyone this morning clarifying that he meant Saturday morning but not Sunday morning. I'm sure I'll be finding his keys in the freezer or something any day now. And if this is what he's like now, I'm a little worried about what he'll be like post-call. Lord knows what I'll find in the freezer then.

Ah well, only a few weeks to go. Or six years, depending on how you look at it.

thanks guys,
Everything all of you have mentioned is the same thing I'm feeling..
I would like to open my mouth but I would feel terribly guilty if it took away from the studying and added more stress onto him and I don't want that. Especially since all of his friends can't believe how "supporting" and "understanding" I've been. But sometimes it seriously gets on my nerves. And Yes, I'm guilty of blabbering when we talk. And mentioning just random thoughts when he's probably like tell me the important stuff.
Yes, vacation, after boards he has three weeks off.. then the surgery rotation.. grrr..
And he knows and plans on being with me lots but I feel like I can't wait especially since I feel like I've been waiting since MARCH!! Patience is a virture, I swear I don't have.. at this moment.. I could not imagine having only three days off and then starting rotations.. I feel for you!!
Well thanks for listening to my rambling..

[Flynn]

All I have to say (which is meant as a "hard reality" and not to sound snotty) is that you need to get used to this or get out. I really truly mean this.

Right now he is not focused on your needs at all -- it's obvious -- and to answer your question, you ARE supposed to deal with this behavior (it's quite common) if you intend to stay with him. Does he have some responsibility in this? Of course, but as soon as you try and pressure him when he has his mind on something else (his medicine goals), YOU LOSE. Nothing is accomplished.

I think the question you might need to ask yourself is not can you deal with this for a certain amount of weeks but can you deal with this until he is done with training? Can you deal with this for YEARS???

This is the life. You are not a high priority right now, he is tired, stressed, unavailable, and working toward a goal where nothing else matters sometimes.

Build your life as if this is a temporary thing with him and then you won't be waiting for time with him.

I don't mean to sound negetive but just truthful and WAY to experienced with your BF's behavior.

Actually I expect this boards schedule my husband is on to be better than most rotations, but at the same time, I expect to see him more on some rotations than I do now. I have a good friend finishing up his third year right now so I feel like I have a pretty good idea what to expect (I never forget to ask) from the school we're at. I expect him to be gone, sleeping at the hospital when he's on call and be a zombie when he's home. I expect long hard hours that take a toll both physically and mentally. Once in a great while he'll have a month where he's home at 3pm every afternoon. I also expect to encounter things I don't expect and can't be prepared for.

However, I expect (and deserve) to be respected by my husband. Everyone is entitled to be crabby, especially our medical spouses, but there is a line. It is not okay for my husband to come home and demand dinner be on the table (not that he does) or whatever else he wants. It is not okay for him to be unable to hold a conversation with out yelling at me (again not that he does). I love him and will do anything to help him achieve his goals, and that often includes making dinner on a whim or running to the store at 11:30pm for highlighters, or living with a crabby DH. I do put up with a lot very willingly, and this is a great place to vent things I don't necessarily want to (or have time to) bring up with DH. Its comforting to know others feel the same way I do, and that in a matter of years, it will all be over and a new adventure will begin.

Re: Tensions are HIGH..

. When he started studying for boards he got a lil depressed and has his ups and downs. He'll be happy one day, stressed the next, then depressed the next.. Its this up and down rollercoaster I can't stand. Will his attitude improve after the exam and be back to his funny, vivacious self again.. . I want to talk to him about how we will handle the next part once he goes back and does the 90 hr surgery stint.. but that of course will be after the exam and after vacation.. No fighting needed there.. Just needed to get these feelings out.. I hope I made some kind of sense

Wow I could have written this!! hang in there- I hope both our sweeties feel better soon and chill out! it's no fun right now. It seems like every time big tests come around he gets this way. I'm never sure how to act and I don't want to start more problems.

How far away is June 1? that's when my DH is taking his! sounds like everyone is right around the same point

Count us in on the boards study. Only 3 more weeks of the emotional rollercoaster! Yahoo. I can't wait for a bit of a break and then rotations but I am sure that will bring on a WHOLE new schedule and stress.