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Blended family and legal concerns

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  • Blended family and legal concerns

    Hello everyone, and thanks for welcoming me on the "introductions" thread. And if this belongs in the Parenting section I'm happy to move it there - however the central topic here is not parenting, it's about protecting my spouse's career. Sorry for starting off with a bit of a heavy topic, but getting input on this question is largely what drew me to this forum/group. So here goes...

    As I mentioned in my Intro thread, I was previously married and had 4 kids prior to meeting "Dr. Mrs. Papajohn". Blended families are challenging. Dr. Mrs. has no children of her own, nor parenting experience. Even her siblings are only just now starting to raise kids, so she doesn't even have much anecdotal experience with the challenges of raising kids, especially teenagers. That said she is trying very hard to participate and has been incredibly supportive - given the many challenges my kids have had over the years. One of the most concerning of those challenges has been that my son has struggled with drug abuse and addiction over the past 3-4 years. He's a junior in high school now, but has been kicked out of one school for drug usage, been in trouble for possession of marijuana (with police involvement), and was almost kicked out of his current private school for the same. I'm also aware of some past abuse of Rx medications such as Xanax (I had NO idea how widespread that is among teens these days).

    The question / concern is whether any of the legal troubles my son has gotten into or could possibly get into in the future could affect Dr. Mrs.' medical license. The worst case scenario would be if he got into trouble for possession or sale of drugs in our household. I'm sure we should ask this question of an attorney as well, but I'm interested in input from this board, especially anyone who has had troubles of this sort with their kids.

    In today's situation - we are engaged and sharing a household. So it would seem there is SOME protection by virtue of the fact that I would take personal and legal responsibility for anything involving my son while he's living with us. However, it is still a shared house with Dr. Mrs' name on the title. In the near future, when we're married, I wonder if any legal trouble my son might get into could affect my wife's ability to practice and hold a medical license.

  • #2
    I have no advice to give but just wanted to say I’m sorry you are going through this. My brother struggled with drug addiction when we were growing up and it was so hard on the family.


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
    Wife of Anesthesiology Resident

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    • #3
      Just some further background, since I anticipate these questions might be going through your mind: YES we are very actively working to prevent future issues. My son has been through a 90 day residential rehab program, I'm very actively searching the house and his things to ensure nothing illegal is in his possession (but kids can be very creative with hiding things), and we occasionally drug test to ensure things are good. That in addition to regular counseling and Psychiatric support. But despite all of this, there continue to be back-sliding from time to time. It would be naive to think nothing could ever happen in the future.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by civilspouse View Post
        I have no advice to give but just wanted to say I’m sorry you are going through this. My brother struggled with drug addiction when we were growing up and it was so hard on the family.
        Thank you for that. It is incredibly hard on the family, especially younger siblings. And the stress on me as a parent is now two-fold 1) the obvious concern about my child and trying to figure out how to help, but 2) the impact it has on my spouse and our household when this is not even her biological child.

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        • #5
          I don't have any advice either but just want to say I know how hard it is to blend families!!!
          Luanne
          wife, mother, nurse practitioner

          "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

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          • #6
            I’m not a lawyer so I can’t comment from a legal standpoint but just pragmatically, I can’t imagine anyone charging your wife with a crime unless she was supplying the drugs. I know other families who have struggled with drug abuse in their children (non-blended but that shouldn’t matter in this case) and the parents were never charged with any crime.


            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
            Married to a Urology Attending! (that is an understated exclamation point)
            Mama to C (Jan 2012), D (Nov 2013), and R (April 2016). Consulting and homeschooling are my day jobs.

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            • #7
              The biggest potential issue is how it could impact her license if he is arrested with drugs in her home. That may reportable to her state licensing board, which means it will follow her career. Legally, I don’t think there are any criminal consequences for have living in the same household as an addict or him being arrested for possession unless there’s proof she supplied the drugs.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by TulipsAndSunscreen View Post
                I’m not a lawyer so I can’t comment from a legal standpoint but just pragmatically, I can’t imagine anyone charging your wife with a crime unless she was supplying the drugs. I know other families who have struggled with drug abuse in their children (non-blended but that shouldn’t matter in this case) and the parents were never charged with any crime.


                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                I actually am a lawyer, but sadly, I have nothing to contribute beyond her comment. (Or perhaps not sadly at all really - i just can’t confirm that for from a legal standpoint). I think mainly parents of kids who - for example- hold underage drinking parties at the parents house, are generally just fined. (It can be a lot in certain areas - I literally think in the county I grew up in... and held many parties... it’s something like $2-5K a head now .).

                But I’m not sure I’ve ever heard of anyones medical license being revoked- or even a subject of the discussion In this this type of situation. I think things would have to be insanely bad. Like your son running a meth lab with supplies that your wife orders through her lab or something like that. I actually missed what type of doctor she is - but really, it would have to be like him using her Rx pad or something - and even then I think there would have to be some other culpability on her part. Otherwise I think (I really don’t have professional knowledge of this type of thing to give totally reassurance) this is just an unfortunate family matter that so many people, no matter what their profession, have to deal with.


                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                • #9
                  No advice, but blending families and being able to legally move for the residency match is what led me to find this forum nearly 15 years ago. It’s tough and we get it here.

                  I’m sorry your son is struggling with addiction issues. I’m glad to hear he’s getting help and it sounds like he’s got a great dad in his corner.


                  Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                  Charlene~Married to an attending Ophtho Mudphud and Mom to 2 daughters

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                  • #10
                    no legal advice, just huge support for you going through all this. I highly suggest Al anon.
                    In my dreams I run with the Kenyans.

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                    • #11
                      Thank you all. For both the kind and supportive messages as well as the advice. This has basically been my thinking as well, but I'm not sure how to reassure my partner. I feel a bit better knowing that my child's problems are fairly unlikely to jeopardize her career, and that alone is helpful. And the drug abuse is certainly no-where near as bad as some of the worst case scenarios mentioned. Knowing my partner, simply making sure she's directly involved in the "prevention" steps we're taking to keep my son on the right path will help her mindset immensely. The lack of control is one of the scariest parts in having a child with an addiction, so focusing on the things we can control helps: ensuring counseling and support groups are happening, making sure random tests occur so that he knows there is accountability, helping him to get a job this summer to stay busy (and tired!).

                      Thank you all again. I'm really liking this board!

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