to all intern spouses and/or significant others

[Flynn]

Hey Everyone,

We've heard from a few people how residency is going so far but I was wondering how others are faring?

Is it like you thought it would be? (or is it too early to tell?)
How have things changed in your relationship?
Overall thoughts.....

Just curious. I think it would have helped me to write my thoughts down in the beginning so I could track when things got better....live and learn.

[Cumberland]

DH has been in clinic for the first month so it hasnt been too bad. He works 830-530 M-F and is Q4 for call. That will change this week bc one of the other interns is due July 28. Is that crazy!!! I feel bad for her, but also bad for DH who has to go Q3 the whole time she is out on maternity leave. She interviewed when she was 4 months or so along, and never told anyone she was pg until the week before residency started. DH says she has been a trouper though.

I am fine on the weekdays, but I go crazy on the weekends. It just seems like everyone else is out playing, and I am home alone. I have to say I have been pretty lonely. I came to my parent's house ( 5 hours away) for this week since it is DH's first Q3 week.

I joined two playgroups, one is a local one, and one is the resident's spouses group. I also start back to work 2 days per week in August, which I am partly dreading bc of leaving DD at daycare, and the other part of me cant wait to have something with a purpose to do.

intern

So far so good. The hours are ok, M-F 8-5, Q6 overnight.

I was prepared for the worst so this is ok so far. 4 weeks down, 48 to go!!

i have got used

My wife did her residency in IM from June 2000 to June 2003. Initially took me sometime to get used to, but soon got used to the weekends and her call schedule. We were very active socially with parties and evening dinners. I had to cut those down as DW could not make it depending on call rotation. Since no one in the social circle is a physician, they dont have a clue when you explain to them what Q4 or Q3 is.

After about 6 months I started evening/weekend grad school(MBA) and that would keep me busy on weekends.

Last year she worked as attending for 1 year, and then it was fun. Initailly we found it tough to handle so many free weekend's togather. We had to signal our social circle that we were avialable for those parties and meets. Most of the social circle were having familes and we were kind of behind. Many would threaten us that we would be kicked out if a little one did not come out soon.

Finally DW is preg and due in Dec. Ofcourse she started a fellowship in July. It is 2 year program. She is presently getting used to the 2nd trisem and really nasty rotation. But then they say if you can get away with this rotation it is all cake walk .. rest of them .. lets see.

[twinsmom]

We are about 1 1/2 months into it, and I am ready to shoot myself!! All I can say is, it has to start getting better, because I feel like I am at the end of my rope. DH has been on the midnight ER shift for the past two weeks, which means he comes home at 8:30 in the morning and sleeps until it's time to go again. You tell me how to keep two-two year olds quiet ALL day long. Needless to say, we try to do many outdoor activities, which is also hard during the day because it is SO FREAKING HOT here.

Oh, did I also meantion that I am 11 weeks prengnant and at the HEIGHT of morning sickness - which for me lasts literally 24 hours a day (complete with waking up all through the night wondering if I will actually throw up for real this time ). With no A/C or even window units, life is pretty miserable. We also are so poor (we haven't sold our old house yet, so we are pulling down TWO mortgages, PLUS all of our moving debt ), that we can't even afford extra gas for me to take the kids and explore anywhere. One of our cars is broken, so we only have one, which means when DH is gone, we really are home bound.

He also already had his first vacation time, (SECOND two weeks of the year ), of which one he spend out west with his brother and uncles (a first ever event in their family, so it was a pretty big deal for him to be there...), leaving me here with the two kids for the whole week (the kids turned 2 just one month too soon to afford airline tickets for all of us!).

Tonight is his last night at he ER, after which he informed me as he was leaving that he is just going to stay up there and study all day tomorrow to get back into a normal sleeping schedule again... which AGAIN means I will be stuck here ALL day with no car, no outlet, and trying to entertain the kids while being so sick I could die!

I'm beginning to think that somewhere in orientation they gave the interns side blinders and told them to forget EVERYTHING outside of the hospital, including those who may need them the most.

I am dying to get home for a visit, but being 2,500 miles away presents a whole new array of challenges. All of my siblings but one live close together out west and are constantly getting together, which makes me even more bitter and homesick!

Whew! How's that for a little rant?! Sorry to go off like that - I guess I have been talking to my walls for too long and tend to get a little long winded now-a-days. PLEASE tell me life gets better after internship year!

Jen B.

[Cumberland]

Wow Jen, I feel for you. I am in somewhat of a similar situation so i can commiserate too. I havent yet figured out how to get my needs met from my husband (as in attention, taking the baby, listening to me @how it is to be new in a town with no social outlet) when he is gone all the time or is a walking zombie when he is with us.

I've said this before but i sure wish some of you were here in Georgia with me! I could sure use a buddy right now.

[Flynn]

Hang in there guys. Intern year sucks, sucks again, then sucks some more. The new docs are so into their job it's as if they are different people and meanwhile you are left to hold down the fort. I can't IMAGINE having kids during the early years of residency. My hat is off to you!

Welcome to the rollercoaster of this life. You will get better at it and so will the doc -- I personally think it takes longer for the doc to "get" the whole "balance your life thing" than it takes the spouse BUT there are exceptions.

One thing that helped me (after really getting into some nasty arguments) is that I finally told my DH I was happy to support his dream, glad he was so bright and dedicated IF he could connect with my life when he was home for a couple of hours. Then he could go read. I finally got through to him that if he was a butthead at home all the time and/or not around what was I supporting? An unhappy life for ME -- that's what!!!

It's early in the year and the interns are all still in shock BUT they still have responsibilities outside the hospital and the sooner they realize that, the sooner you will be able to let a few of the resentments go before they reach mountain status (as some most definitely will).

What is the next rotation for all of those who started on a hard one? Sometimes it's helpful to think about the next rotation where the doc will be able to have dinner, or have a day off, or whatever.

Hang in there. I remember the frustration. This is NOT all you...it really does stink!

Sending you all good vibes.....

BF is in the middle of night float (2 weeks) right now- 7:30pm to 7:30 am. He said that so far it's not too bad at the hospital, but he hates that he doesn't have enough time to be awake outside of the hospital. Personally, I think he's taking it better than his hematology rotation because at least now he has the whole weekend to rest. He also spent a lot of time helping me move into my new apartment yesterday, so I can't complain too much about him right now!

[migirl]

Ugh, I feel for you all, intern year was definitely the worst. Esther, I think of all the rotations I hated night float the most. We only saw each other like 30 minutes a day, as I was coming home from work and as he was leaving. And Jen, with two little ones and another on the way, I think you deserve a prize! Good luck to all of you, hopefully it will be over before you know it!