Stupid rotation-- rant about my birthday

My birthday is Saturday and BF and I (and another couple) have tickets to the opening night of the opera, which I planned for months ago. We're also having dinner afterwards with our friends. He requested not to be on call that night, but unfortunately he's on call Friday and will probably be at the hospital until 3 on Saturday. He won't get any sleep because the VA sucks.

He said it would be ok and he would try hard to stay awake and enjoy it, but I don't want to force him to sit through something and be miserable on his night off. And worse-- now he's sick and is working a 12 hr shift today. I don't know what to do. I want to spend my birthday with him, but I don't know if it would be better to go with someone else or sell my tickets or what. We've hardly had any quality time together during this rotation and I think we've been handling it pretty well, but this is a little frustrating.

I'm starting to not look forward to what's supposed to be a fun evening. To be honest, I don't even feel like celebrating my birthday this year, since I'm unemployed at the moment ("woo hoo! look where you are! nowhere!")

Argh. What do you guys think?

[mommax3]

Isn't it nice to be a grown-up? Birthdays quickly lose their cachet when YOU are the one that has to make it fun for yourself. As a child, I was doubly (or even triply -- is that a word?) blessed, because my parents were divorced and so I got to have birthday celebrations with each one, AND I was born on Veteran's Day, which also happened to be my grandmother's birthday, so most of the time I got a day off of school on my birthday, and my grandma usually had special plans for me as well. I was really conditioned to think that birthdays were a HUGE fun deal.

Now that I am older, my grandma's birthday trumps mine every year (after all, she IS in her nineties) and with three little boys and a husband in this lovely medical profession, there isn't a whole lot of celebrating going on unless I do it for myself, and some years, I just don't have the energy. (And I am getting to an age where I would just as soon forget the whole thing, anyway!)

BUT, this was about you, right? Here is my suggestion. This is YOUR birthday.....so do what makes you happy. If that is going to the opera and watching your boyfriend snooze through it, go for it. If it is staying home and having some time with him, even if he is sleepy, then do that. Maybe it is telling him to get a good night's sleep, going to the opera yourself (maybe you can find another friend to join you?) and catching up with him once he is rested. Think the options through and do what will bum you out the least. Do SOMETHING to make the day special and don't put yourself down about being unemployed. I read your other post.....you have plans for your life. Stay positive. This time in your life is just a step towards something else.

One thing about being the spouse/SO of someone in the medical profession is that you HAVE to learn is how to make your own fun, apart from the other person, while remaining committed to the relationship. It ain't for sissies, that's for sure, and many times through the years, I have resented the role I play in the life I chose (I thought) with my eyes open. You are having one of those "rubber meets the road" times right now......forge ahead and make it a great time somehow. And if it helps, I will be sending you good wishes on Saturday! What opera are you going to see?

Sally

Several years ago, my DH bought tickets for us to see Harry Connick, Jr. for my birthday. I warned him that he would be super tired since he'd be post-call that evening. He shrugged it off. Needless to say, he was asleep during most of the performance. Even though he was dead tired, I think it was great that he had enough energy to take me to the concert and try to make my birthday special.

Post-call is so evil. DH has fallen asleep numerous times while eating when we'd go out for a special occasion dinner (valentine's, birthday, anniversary). It's so funny to be at a restaurant and see him fall asleep while eating. He also has been known to fall asleep while reading books to our kids. DH has been out of residency for 2 years now! Thanks goodness. Now in his fellowship, all of his call is from home and he rarely gets called.


-Melanie

[Meenah]

Happy birthday!!! I say take a friend to the opera and let him have a nap, then have a nice dinner with him after the opera and after his nap. Unless of course he loves the opera.
Luanne

Thanks for your input! Melanie, I didn't know it was possible to actually fall asleep while eating!! (Although I have a feeling I'll soon be witnessing that feat first hand).

Luanne, I'm considering taking a girlfriend... who would probably enjoy the opera more than any man would. But I have these little-girl Cinderella fantasies of dressing up for a fancy evening and being escorted by my prince (it'll be opening night so there's a red carpet and roses and champagne). I've almost always gone to artsy events alone or with girlfriends, which isn't exactly romantic. I realize that's a pretty selfish reason for me to want him there, but what can I say? The last time I was a princess was Halloween...

Sally, the opera is Don Giovanni. Thanks for putting things in perspective. You're right-- this would probably be more fun if I didn't plan the whole thing and was busy worrying about other people having a good time. Your childhood bdays sound great!! I have fond memories of mine as well, even the really simple ones when I just got to pick my favorite meal for dinner and got Baskin Robbins ice cream cake. Mmmm mint chocolate chip.

Sigh... we (in general) should really celebrate more often.