hand shaking

(Ok this has nothing to do with Docs and interviews)

I'm just wondering when you meet a new person, do you shake their hand, nod, smile friendly? I always reach out my hand and I've noticed some people look surprised (but do it).

[Auspicious]

It depends. On a lot of things. Actually, I think the day I can consistently handle this with absolutely zero awkwardness will be the day I am fully an adult.

First meetings usually aren't too hard. When it comes to professional situations, if I'm being interviewed or am in some other situation that's quite formal and/or I need to impress, I'm initiating handshakes at every opportunity. For more everyday situations, like I'm working in my office and someone brings by a new person that they're introducing around the department, I'll basically shake hands if it's convenient, like if they're standing within arm's length. But if they're just, say, poking their heads in my doorway while I'm sitting behind my desk, they get a smile, a little wave, and a little polite chit-chat. I'd say at the office I end up shaking a new person's hand about 60% of the time.

Socially . . . well it still depends upon convenience. If it's just one person and they're standing within arm's length you'd probably shake hands, but if it's several people and/or they're, say, scattered around someone's living room, you'd probably just do the good-eye-contact-plus-nod and maybe the half-wave. And of course smile. But you wouldn't want to be clamboring over someone's coffee table just to shake hands. I'd say in social situations I end up shaking hands maybe 20-30% of the time.

All that being said, if someone puts out their hand to shake mine that pretty much always speaks well of them in my mind, so I'd say go ahead and keep doing it.



Now, not to hijack, but what you could probably write an anthropology PhD thesis on would be subsequent greetings. Coming from a sort of stoic, midwestern, German-Irish farmer background, there was very little touching involved in greetings, unless the person was a close family member and/or a small child. I've found it to be quite different in NY, where not only are huggers more common, but the simultaneous-kiss-on-the-right-cheek comes into play, the latter being more common among your uptown-types (i.e., hoity-toity folks) and your gay men. A more casual nod and wave are more common among your downtown-types (i.e. hipsters). I often stumble over this, as you usually have about .3 seconds to size up the person you're greeting and determine/remember if they're a smiler, a handshaker, a hugger, or a cheek-kisser. I always just go with whatever their lead is, but I often guess wrong. I think there was an episode of Seinfeld about this, wherein Jerry was fed up with being expected to kiss the women in his building, but I saw it long ago before I moved to New York.

I'm curious what others' experiences with this are. Is this cheek-kiss thing done outside New York? Is hugging more of a norm outside the midwest?

Wow, Julie, that was the most in-depth discussion of hand shaking I've ever seen!

I've never given much thought to it. In business situations, I always shake hands. Socially, I'm not into hugging or kissing (maybe a hug if it's a friend I haven't seen in a really long time) and maybe half of the time shake hands. I sort of let the other person lead there.

Shaking hands can be an awkward thing -- I like Julie's assessment!

I'm curious what others' experiences with this are. Is this cheek-kiss thing done outside New York? Is hugging more of a norm outside the midwest?

Yes, the cheek kissing extends beyond New York and I find it awkward. She/he kissed before -- noticed I was a little taken aback -- will they kiss again? Or will I, trying to keep up next time, be leaning in for a smooch that won't be there? Hugging is easier to deal with.

[Auspicious]

Wow, Julie, that was the most in-depth discussion of hand shaking I've ever seen!

I know, I should be medicated or something.

[PrincessFiona]

Wow, Julie, that was the most in-depth discussion of hand shaking I've ever seen!

I know, I should be medicated or something.

Isn't it funny how excited we can get about cerain topics? 8)

I have to say that I found your response very thoughtful and I learned something about hand shaking!

kris

Thanks for the insight Julie.. I'm totally a handshaker, but a kiss on the right cheek for close family (though only over here with dh's family...) I never greet my family except for giving my mom and dad a hug. I wonder if I can learn to be more sentimental with my family, everytime my mom calls she finished the conversation with "love you". I just kind of mumble in agreement but never say it. That might be a whole other topic though.

[DCJenn]

I'm all for the professional hand shaking- (and God, can we please get over the limp hand affectation, ladies- put some oomph into it, we're not delicate flowers anymore....sorry- I digress)

I come from a family of huggers, and I work with a bunch of Southern Belles who are huggy (and kissy too for that matter)

NO, NO, NO. I have public display of affection problems with my very own spouse. I have SERIOUS issues with hugging co-workers. (at the airport is a huge "huggy" time) I think I have enough East Coast standoffishness though that very few even TRY to do the hug thing. I'm sorry, we don't even like people here on the east coast. why must we pretend we do? (and Julie, the kissy-face thing extends to DC too, with that particular socio-economic group especially.)

Jenn

[houseelf]

Jenn,

I'm laughing at your aversion to hugging and kissing. One of my roommates in college had a definite sense of parameters on physical closeness. Of course, we all tried to "flood" her with hugs and kisses just to irk her. (Hey, what are friends for?)

I'll have to remember to invade your body space next time we meet. Heck, I may even have to cop a feel...
Kelly

[DCJenn]

Yeah but if it's you Kelly, I'll probably like it....

Jenn

[PrincessFiona]

[SueC]

Yep, the cheek kissing thing exists in the midwest. I'm not terribly comfortable with it but with my dh's culture the women do it and I believe the younger woman is supposed to touch cheeks with the older woman and I'm not really sure if you kiss the air or their actual cheek--I avoid it at all costs. Luckily my mil just gives me a regular hug.
We have some good friends and they always kiss me on the cheek and hug me. As a side note, they are lesbians, one is Jewish, the other Hispanic I don't know whether it's cultural, etc. etc. At any rate I go along with it, though I don't actually kiss them.

What about the way some men greet each other? Starting with a hand shake that actually looks more like an arm wrestling move then turns into a bear hug ending with pounding each other in the back

[houseelf]

Yes, could some of the guys here elaborate on why guys occasionally greet each other with "How the hell are you, shit bag?" while they guffaw, back slap, and geniunely seem happy to see one another? I have observed such bizarre tidings between DH and his brother and his college friends. He goes from psychotically professional, ultraconservative to cave man in the presence of old friends. Very, very bizarre.

For the record, Jenn, I'm all about the cheap thrill.

Kelly

[peggyfromwastate]

I was an exchange student in Mexico for one year, and while there I had to do the socially acceptable greeting for women-- kisses on the cheek to men and women, especially your elders. When I went to a party, I literally had to kiss about 50 people on average. We went through a type of receiving line of kisses. My husband is hispanic, and he shakes hands with everyone... I generally shake hands too, b/c I am standing next to him or whatever. In my family, we barely wave at one another. So the easterner standoffishness can extend across the country, sad to say!

Anyway, I always give a firm handshake even though I've gotten some looks (why are you trying to break my hand) from the limp-wrist ladies... Oh well...