What are the biggest issues in your life right now?

[PrincessFiona]

This week at brownies, the girls talked about the founder of brownies and the issues facing women back in those days. Then they had to go around and interview all of the moms to find out what the five biggest issues were in their lives.

So lets hear it...what are your top 5 issues?

I'll start:

these are in no particular order though

1. finding a balance between motherhood and career aspirations and dealing with the sahm vs wm dilemna
2. war and terrorism
3. being a good parent and creating a positive family life
4. healthcare for the uninsured (don't know why this is such a big issue of mine)
5. education...both right now in the public schools for my children as well as concerns for college later down the line.

[DCJenn]

Ok, my top five- from the global to personal:

1) We are trashing our environment- it's horrifying to me.

2) The "war"- I know far too many people there and I am not convinced that there's any way out.

3) The complete lack of manners that everyone seems to have- exactly how hard is it to return calls, rsvp, show up on time or say "Thank You?"

4) Spending time with my family- all of them, while we're still able- (since Uncle Sam will no doubt send us someplace else in two years)

5) We're next on "the list" for the kidlet from Russia. Hello motherhod, hello retirement, hello general insanity.....

[mommax3]

Here are mine, in order of how much they stress me out on a daily basis:

1. Managing the schedule for a family of five so that everyone gets enough rest, is able to meet their responsibilities at school and at work, and has some fun, together and separately......

2. Our upcoming move, and everything involved with that, including our upcoming garage sale.

3. Education.....I am increasingly dissatisfied with public schools, based on what I have experienced and the anecdotes I hear/read. I really had wanted to put at least my oldest back into public school when we move, but the more I look at it, the more I want to stay in private school longer.....they quality of education and the lack of power a parent has at public school vs. private school are the main reasons. I am bummed about this though.....I don't want to raise elitist kids.

4. The election/the war (all of it is tied up together for me) and the direction our country is going to take in the future.

5. My "role" after we move......do I want to work? Go back to school? Become a shopping queen? Will I be stressed out by living close to my mom right away, or will that take a while? DH and I have been working towards this goal our WHOLE marriage, and now that we are about there, I sometimes have feelings of insecurity, that somehow I won't "measure up" as a doctor's wife. He is so excited about the situation there......I am a little excited, but mostly apprehensive.

(Obviously, #5 is a big issue, but I am so busy right now that I literally don't have time to think about it. I am SURE you all will hear more on this one later. )

Sally

[Auspicious]

1. Getting married and what that means. What does it really mean to be married, and how is that different to us than what we have right now? Which aspects of our wedding day and marriage do we personally need to be traditional, which do we need to be modern, and which do we need to reinvent altogether just for us? How do we balance our individualism vs. our needs to be part of our family, community, and culture? Basically facing this whole cultural ritual of getting married stirs up a lot of issues about values. What kind of threshhold are we crossing here, really, and how do we get that whole thing off on the right foot? This is probably the most important one I'm facing right now, yet the one that causes me the least stress since it's the one wherein I feel most confident about my opinions and choices.

2. It's weird that this is one of the top five issues in my life, but I have a lot of feelings about living in the city right now. I love and hate it. I want to move out immediately, but I know there are a ton of things I will miss, and I fear I somehow won't adjust back to the suburbs or a smaller city. I am feeling both held back and yet still expanded by living here. We're here for almost two more years, though (too long to wait it out and too short to make drastic changes) so I'm working, somewhat successfully, on recommitting to getting the most out of the opportunities of living here while I still can, while still mentally preparing myself to leave.

3. My career in general and my job in particular. What can I do to make myself happier in my current position? What should I be aiming to have happen after we move out of the city? What's going to happen when parenting becomes part of the picture? What's going to make it so that when I reach my dotage, I can look back and feel good about how I handled my professional life? There is much shifting feeling going on in this area of my life, as well, which is a separate post.

4. Impending parenthood. The time you spend as a parent is long but your window for getting the whole thing started is surprisingly short! Are we doing the right thing by waiting? If I'm already thinking about it constantly, how long should we really hold out? Are we doing the right things now so that when the time comes it goes as well as possible? And when the time does come, is the whole world going to just blow apart at the seams? Again on this one, I'm working on enjoying what we have right now. There are a lot of aspects of life with just the two of us and no kids that are just delicious and that I will miss sorely, and I should be focusing on enjoying 'em while we got 'em.

5. The election/the war/the polarization of America. I certainly don't expect everyone to be or think the same, but I feel like our shared core values are dwindling to an alarming level. Both the far right and the far left get under my skin, and I feel like both those groups have more power than they used to, albeit in different ways. It was one thing when everyone disagreed on the best way to get where we want to go, but people really disagree on where we even want to go as a country now.



I guess most of those are more "my inner issues" than "issues I face as a woman in society" or whatever.

2, 3, and 4 are so intertwined it's hard to even divide them into separate issues, and 2 and 5 are also highly connected for me.

I'm guessing the brownie founders would have had a different set of five!

[SueC]

1. Feeling at peace with my current situation--i.e. not hating life because I want my business to vanish into thin air because I'm feeling overwhelmed. I need to hang on for 9 more months!! I don't want to wish this time away because Mitchell is such a cute, cuddly baby right now, but I really think life will get easier once fellowship is finally over. I'm pretty blessed and I got so caught up feeling sorry for myself that I forget how lucky I am.

2. Working on my parenting skills--I've been yelling way too much. I think I'm going to splurge and buy the new Dr. Phil book.

3. The upcoming elections--I'm really worried it's not going to turn out how I want it to, the polls are really discouraging.

4. Finances--the closer we get to the end of fellowship the more apparent it is becoming that things are still going to be tough. We owe way too much to way too many people (school loans, credit cards, etc).

5. Schools--we live somewhere where public schools aren't accredited, it'll be expensive but we're going to send our oldest to our church school, which means I really have got to start showing up to church and volunteering for more to get her in. I also need to find a school that will be a backup if she doesn't get in.

[Flynn]

Here's what is on our plate in no particular order:

1.) Transitioning from parenting one child to two. I am in a really good place right now and having a blast with my daughter. How can I maintain that while bringing a newborn into the mix?

2.) Getting through the rest of fellowship. We will be lucky starting in October if DH's hours are CLOSE to 80 hours per week. More than likely they will be more. Hopefully this time around (having an infant in the house) I won't resent my DH so much for being extremely absent in the daily grind because I am so much more experienced than last time!!

3.) Finding a job for DH. Could Cardiac be in a crappier place right now??? So you train for 9+ years and then have a hard time finding a job? Perfect. We really want to stay in the Northwest but realize this might not be possible. Grumble grumble. We have a good friend a year ahead of us looking right now and it is very depressing indeed.

4.) The election -- nuf said.

5.) Education:
Where we end up will in large part be due to the education offered in that area. Also, we will most likely do some kind of pre-school where we are now, twice a week this time next year. Research research research.

FYI -- the new induction date (it's a long story) is 10/08. Hopefully I will go into labor before then but not likely. Also, it's going to be at least a 9 pound baby. Ouch. Here we go again!!!

On one hand, I feel so frazzled that I can't think of 5 things. On the other, I think I have a lot more than 5!

But I am thankful for our school situation right now after reading other posts. After a bumpy start (major administrative changes) with our Pre-K program, things seem to be going well.

What a great point, Sally, that for your whole marriage you both have been working towards the goal being an attending in the private world. That has to seem a little wierd to be so close to it. I guess that goal has been a major focus of most of our married life too.

So...hmmm...

1. I think Sally said it well -- having fun together and separately. I feel like DH isn't getting enough time alone but the more time alone he has the less time we have as a family or just the 2 of us. I would like to find a good babysitter who can watch both kids once a month so we can go out just the two of us.

2. Organizing my life and finding a good routine. I want to get into a good groove of having time to work out, family time (a date night per above), etc. But realize it can't be accomplished all at once. And I'm being pulled in so many different directions with a few other things going on that it's just not happening.

3. My in-laws. (Long story, DH is becoming his mothers legal guardian and my FIL has terminal lung cancer. I will spare you the details.)

4. Don't know why I am thinking about this because it's WAAYYY off, but I'm wondering if we are going to stay here or move back to Denver. I know that I need to just jump into life here, and think I have been, but I wonder in the back of my mind where we will be in 3 years. I think it relates to reaching that long-awaited goal of finishing training and being curious about what our lives will look like.

5. Like so many others...the election and the mediocre candidates, the state of the world, etc. I'm short-term pessimistic and long term optimistic.

I agree about healthcare, Kris. I gets an honorable mention for me. I think the un and under-insured are syptomatic of class issues in the US.

[houseelf]

Issues...I have so many, where to begin? By the way, this has been a fantastic discussion and I could have written so many of these posts myself.

1. I'm going to make up a word here to describe an issue that I have just begun to grapple with...The adult-izing of kids. I can't believe what is a part of our children's psyche at such a young age. What our children conside normal occurrences are not norms I wish for my kids: violent cartoons, sexualized behavior, overt materialism. This topic has a million facets: direct marketing of products to young children, cyber porn, constant exposure to violence. Childhood has shrunk in size. I think about this all the time. How do I balance protecting my children against overprotecting them?

2. The lack of support for families in this country. Alright, I personalize here. There is little to no support for working parents. Day care is outrageous and creates a class known as the "working poor". We are the only Westernized nation without subsidized preschool, public schools that vary widely from location to location depending on degrees of neighborhood affluency. In our society, overtime has become the norm in the workplace and the "mommy" track is all too real. At the same time, schools need parents to be more involved because of strained resources (both in time and financial commitments) and yet most people are working more. Add the fact that our commutes are longer, maternity and paternity leave, if you get them, are unpaid, and this creates a completely impossible situation. I'm so ready to chuck all of this, and yet we desperately need my paycheck.

(ISSUES...you want issues? None here )


3. Relationships. How does one parent effectively, nourish a marriage, and pay the bills need while meeting at least some of her own needs?

4. Finances. We will be struggling financially very soon. Based on issue No. 1, we enrolled our son in a small, private, accredited montessori school which we are thrilled with, but we still have 5 years left in training, a new minivan, my student loans, a mortgage, and childcare exceeding $10,000 a year. (Yes, all of these issues are interrelated).

I have more, but little Miss calls....

My Issues:

1. Moving to a new country. Making sure DH gets a job.

2. Kids and House. Making it all work, dealing with kids being sick, grooming kids, laundry, grocery shopping, dishes, etc.

3. Money, especially for plane tickets, a house, car, car insurance, daycare and student loans.

4. My general boredom/unhappiness being a SAHM which too often rears its ugly head.

5. A little feeling like the only thing I'm good at is birthing children.

6. (this is my most petty issue, he he) Being exasperated (sp) at the fact it is so hard to lose weight and look good.. and being sad that I hate all my clothes.

This is fascinating; I'm really enjoying reading everyone's posts.

1. Career. What do I want for myself? How do I not feel inferior to those who have and are working toward clearly defined goals? And in general, I have issues about the excessive amounts of time and energy we (Americans/humans, whatever) spend at work.

2. Relationships. This includes my relationship with BF, gaining acceptance by his family, and figuring out what BF expects of me and if it's compatible with how I view my life in the future. Also, friendships and getting rid of toxic people from my life.

3. Living healthily in our world. I'm worried about toxins in our air, water, food, etc. How do I force myself to make healthier choices now in order to prevent problems later and to have healthy children in the future. How do we prevent/eliminate obesity, smoking, alcoholism, depression, etc. How do we live healthily without constantly medicating ourselves.

4. Education. For myself, for my future children, for everyone else's children. My sister is currently tutoring an 8 yr old who can't recognize her own name. It's terrifying.

5. Self-esteem/confidence. A very personal thing for me that I need to work on in order to improve the other areas of my life.