what do I call my DH? resident, doctor, surgeon?

Is it just me or does no one in the real world understand what I mean when I say my dear husband is a "medical resident"????
I finally gave up saying he is a "surgery resident physician" after all the eyeballs glazed over confused!
Do I say he is a surgeon? Even though he is merely in his second year of residency?
Do I say "doctor" and leave it at that?
This may seem very simple but every time I meet someone that isn't familiar with the life, it turns in to a very long complicated conversation about the decades - opps years of training.
And frankly, it's depressing enough living it without having to explain it all the time to people who don't even remotely understand.
I am open to all labels, names, terms, nicknames, even the ones that may not be politically correct!

ok I asked dh what he would prefer to be called if he were your dh and he said

SURGEON IN TRAINING.

Those names get confusing always to me and dh is always correcting me if I mix them up!

I usually try not to tell people what DH does to avoid that whole -- you must have $1M and drive a Porsche b/c your husband is a doctor thing.
I usually say resident and leave it at that and if they don't get it I say he's a doctor still completing his training.

[DCJenn]

I too usually avoid the whole "doctor" label by saying that he's in the Army. That's usually enough of an answer. If it does somehow come out then it ends up being medical education 101-

Yes, he's a real doctor. Yes, he's done a residency. It was in pediatrics. No he's not a resident anymore. He's a fellow. Yes, it's kind of the same thing. Yes, he will be both a pediatrician and a neurologist. Yes, we owe the Army time. Yes, he will be eligible for retirement by the time he's done. No, he's not in Iraq. Yes, he could go. No, he makes exactly what every other captain in the Army makes (and I SOOOOO don't go in to military specialty pay etc- that's a whole other discussion)

Jenn

Yes, he's a real doctor. Yes, he's done a residency. It was in pediatrics. No he's not a resident anymore. He's a fellow. Yes, it's kind of the same thing. Yes, he will be both a pediatrician and a neurologist. Yes, we owe the Army time. Yes, he will be eligible for retirement by the time he's done. No, he's not in Iraq. Yes, he could go. No, he makes exactly what every other captain in the Army makes (and I SOOOOO don't go in to military specialty pay etc- that's a whole other discussion)

I've had those conversations without the military piece! But add in that he did 1 year of internal medicine, did 2 years of research as a fellow in dermatology, and is now doing the dermatology residency. Yes, that's what you do after medical school. No, you don't get paid as a medical student (in fact you pay lots of $$$! ). Yes, the hours are long. No, it's not like that TV show ER (he's never been shot at, held captive, driven into a river, etc). No, residents don't get paid like doctors. Yes, the fellowship is usually after the residency. Yes, he applied twice. No, the programs do not pay for the interviews. No, that is not like other job interviews. Yes, the match is weird and no you can't just change your mind and go to a different city/program. No, he sure as hell better not be changing his specialty again. I get confused myself....

Thank goodness! I am soooo glad to know I am not the only one who has had these awkward conversations!
Thank you for all your hysterical responses! I am still laughing!! I've even read them to DH who is post call after a night of Trauma surg and guess what? He fell asleep sitting up on the couch just as I was reading all of your responses.
I have resorted to taking his picture when he falls asleep on the couch in very embarrassing positions with little to no clothing and putting the picture on the desktop of our computer!

When people ask me what my husband does, I usually just say he works at the hospital or that he works in the Emergency Room. I'm proud he is a doctor, but I usually try to avoid telling people that he's one because one time I got a comment like "oh, so you must have a pretty nice life being a doctor's wife..."

I had the most difficult time when DH was in residency. Most people don't know what it means to be a resident. Usually when I told people he was a resident, they would say, "Soooo, when will he be a doctor?" I'd tell them he was already a doctor and just going through a few more years of training and they would just give me that look like I was speaking some other language. Even some of my relatives were still pretty confused as to what my DH did.

Erica

[Sheherezade]

Now that my husband is finally out of training, I can just say he's a doctor. Sometimes I specify that he does surgery if I'm looking for sympathy in the "he's never around" department. I always just said resident or fellow and never had to do too much explaining because in Baltimore near JHU and in Boston, half the population is apparently in medical training. Funny thing is that now when I say he's a doctor to the new people we've met they look at me with this "Are you sure???" kind of look. We are not living up to the doctor/doctor's wife thing.......I guess that's good. Still, I've met a gaggle of doc wives and I think they are concerned about our image

Angie

[Flynn]

If I know them fairly well or our paths cross regularly I go into detail. Otherwise I just say "he's in medicine." It gets too complicated and I sound like I am bragging or exaggerating about the long path.

[SueC]

I try to avoid telling people what he does, also. But if it does come up I tell them he is either a pulmonology fellow or a pulmonologist. (Actually he is an intensivist too but that is too much information for most people to absorb). That said, people still come away thinking he is a med student. It drives him crazy when people we've known for years ask him how much longer he has left in medical school.

[migirl]

That said, people still come away thinking he is a med student. It drives him crazy when people we've known for years ask him how much longer he has left in medical school.

Ha ha, this happens to me too. My boss, for some reason, cannot get it through his head that my DH has finished med school and is now in his third year of training. He still asks me, "So, how's med school going for your husband?" It's just too much to try to explain every time, so now I just smile and say "Fine."

Anyway, I also usually tell people he's a resident, and if they get it that's fine; if they don't, well that's fine too because I'd rather not have that conversation!

[Vishenka69]

There are so many med schools and hospitals in NY that 99% of ppl know what a resident is. Occasionally they'll ask what specialty or year he's in. But even being a full blown doctor is not that much clout around here. Somehow the notion of "doctor's wife" gives me a mental image of perfectly coiffed Chanel clad 50 year-old from Greenwich (think Lorelei's mother in Gilmore Girls). May be it's just me.

[Auspicious]

There are so many med schools and hospitals in NY that 99% of ppl know what a resident is. Occasionally they'll ask what specialty or year he's in. But even being a full blown doctor is not that much clout around here.

Aha, maybe that's it. I'm reading this thread bitterly thinking "Hey! How come no one gives a crap when I tell them what FH does?? I want some of this where people are all overly impressed!"

Of course, his job title still has the word "student" in it, which is pretty much universally understood to mean "poor impoverished bastard."

Actually saying "He's a med student" has been a welcome relief from when we first met and I would have to say "He's getting his PhD in molecular genetics." People know what a "doctor" is, but "molecular geneticist" seems to grind most casual conversations to a halt.

This thread has made me laugh out loud!

We have family that we only see about once a year that can't grasp what DW's work is like. Everytime we talk, it is the same questions about when will she be done, does she have to see adult patients(what part of Pediatrician do they not understand??) and of course, they are retired military so there are a lot of military questions in there as well....most relating to tour of duty, as in carrying a weapon, being in harms way and the like.
Others that ask what DW does usually get the black & white, she is a Pediatrician. That stops that question, but then they get pointed at me and there is usually the nice pause after I tell them that I am a SAHD. Followed by, 'well isn't that nice'....unless it is a guy, then there is the statement- 'wish I could stay at home'.....like it some constant good time of beer drinking, watching SportCenter with your feet up, and just relaxing all day....sorry, I just spent most the day dealing with this..

[houseelf]

Hmmm....Here it is what comes to mind:

SLAVE!!!!

O.K., you're right, he signed up for this:

INDENTURED SERVANT!!!!

Kelly