Factors that influence your residency experience!

[PrincessFiona]

We all experience the medical training years differently. Some of us seem to struggle more and others breeze right through. What factors do you think had a positive or negative effect on your coping ability?

[PrincessFiona]

I'll start. I think one of the reasons that I struggled so much was that we moved so many times. In 8 years of residency (because Thomas also did residency in germany and the UK) we moved 1. to start residency 2. to start residency again in the UK 3. to the US to restart residency and then 4. for fellowship and 5. for our post-training job.

If I had been able to develop a more consistent support system I would have been much better able to deal with the stresses that occurred.

At the same time though, I think that also had a positive impact. I coped with my feelings by going back to school....which ultimately ended in me getting the degree that I wanted!

kris

[migirl]

For me, I think a huge positive influence has been our proximity to our families/friends. My parents live just two hours away, and my in-laws live about 20 minutes down the road from us (I adore my in-laws, so this is a good thing!). My very best friend from childhood lives 20 minutes away, and we still have a few friends from high school/college floating around here. I think if we were doing residency somewhere further away where we weren't able to be with family/friends as often as we are, it would be a much different, more negative experience. I'm so thankful that we chose this place to do our training.

I think another factor that has positively affected my experience during training is the specialty and the program that DH chose. Although it's a surgical subspecialty, the hours are decent and the call isn't bad (home call, about 4-6 times per month). DH is home most evenings for dinner together and has anywhere from 1-3 weekends off per month. I really haven't found anything to complain about ... yet.

Finally - and quite frankly - I think the fact that we didn't have kids through the first few years made it much easier on us. If DH had a rather busy weekend or was on a particularly rough rotation and wasn't able to make it home by a decent hour, the only person I had to keep busy and take care of was myself and that was easy since I entertain myself pretty well. We'll see how I feel about this in about, oh, 7 months.

[HeartRN]

For me, coping has been difficult secondary to family living so far away. They are all in the Midwest, we are on the East Coast. However, this has also positively affected my ability to cope with DH's training. I don't have to worry about family showing up unexpectedly, and I stay a clean distance from the family sagas/bickering. :=

Naturally, this website has positively impacted my ability to cope. I am so grateful for everybody here. Plus, it's a great excuse for not doing other things I should be doing! :clean:

Finally, I have to agree with Kris--the moving thing has made it far more complicated. I certainly would not recommend moving to a new place when one is 8 months pregnant, either!

[Vishenka69]

We've been together since pre-med in college, so I learned early not to count on having too much time together and make plans with my friends, so I'm not stuck home alone. Living close to our families and friends have helped tremendously. Since DH is on call for my birthday this year, my parents are taking me out.
As far as negative aspects - we seem to be doing best as a couple when I'm not stressed at work and can dedicate more time to DH. It's hard for me to be as supportive as he'd like when I'm also tired and stressed. He likes for all attention to be focused on him.

[Flynn]

I think what strikes me the most when I think of this question is how my DH was dealing with the load of residency and how much he hated GS in order to get to CT.

When he was happy things were fine. When he wasn't, I was miserable too. He was such a different person when he was unhappy at work. He was your typical surgical A-hole. Not a pretty picture.

[BonBon]

all those promises I made (spotless home, ironed clothes and a hot, healthy nutritious meal on the table everynight - who was I kidding!)

OMG, this is cracking me up. I thought I could do this too! I was sure my inner Martha Stewart would make herself known. My husband wishes!!! :>

[mommax3]

What made it difficult......

Being two days' drive from all family and friends, having a toddler at the beginning of intern year and a toddler and a newborn at the end of intern year, (how the heck did THAT happen anyway, with his hours????) and not having a job or any "in" into our new community.

What made it easier.......

Finding a great church that was full of friendly people with kids the same ages of mine, living in a fun city with lots of sunny days, a loosely-organized spouse group made up of spouses whose significant other was in the same residency program as DH.

Sally

[SueC]

I'd say having kids during 2nd year of residency made the greatest impact on our experience. On a positive note, I had the kids to keep me company during call nights. It made it harder because I end up picking up the slack with the kids during dh's busier months.

[houseelf]

Advantages:

DH and I are authentically and genuinely in love
Our kids are our life
I'm fairly independent and like SOME time alone or just me and the kids
Our extended families have made an effort to visit us and the kids
I have a fantastic and family friendly job
We have a good, albeit warped, sense of humor

Suck factors:

9 *&^% years total training
My student loans in repayment
The majority of child rearing (e.g. two drop offs/pickups) is completely up to me
7 months of snow
No history and little network here
Having to be relicensed every move
Surgery call (Q3 average), need I say more

Kelly

What helped us through residency is that we didn't have children. Since I worked full time during med school and residency, I just couldn't imagine being, well, a single parent. And there was no way I could have been a SAHM either since living near LA required us to be a dual income household. There are many moms out there who could have done it, but I just don't think I have what it takes to be super mom!

Another thing that helped is that I am very independent. My husband had to work almost every weekend, so I never had a problem going out and doing my own thing. Sure, I missed having dh by my side, but I don't remember a time when I ever felt bored.

Lastly, I think being somewhat ignorant about the medical training process actually helped me. I knew that training would be difficult so I didn't really have too high of expectations, but I didn't go into training "dreading" it. If I had known in the beginning that there would be times (many, many times) when dh and I wouldn't see each other for 1-2 weeks at a time because of our opposite schedules, I don't know if I could have made it through. Throughout residency, I kept hoping that maybe next month/year would be better. Little did I know that it would be tough the entire way through until the very last day of residency, but at least I had the hope that it could get better.

We probably didn't know it when we started, but one of the good things about residency was DW changed programs after her first intern year.
We went from a TINY peds program to a mid to large program and it changed her attitude, which in turn changes the home attitude as well.

We also enjoyed our location even though we weren't close to any immediate family, Kansas City is a very nice place in general.