Do you identify yourselves as medical spouces???

I just found this site. I am married to an MD and it concerns me to identify yourselves as a Medical Spouse's. There is nothing wrong with having your own sucesses to claim and be proud of other than your top concerns be "should my spouse interview at his second choice" "i am so proud of his last rotation" I hate to tell you this but if you ask your husband he is probably not too concerned what people in a chat room think about hime interviewing at his back up. Do you know why? Because he is important and has more important things to do.
Its sad to live through someone else. The divorce rate amoung MD's is very high. What are you proud of for yourselves? And if it is motherhood that is great, but why not get on a parent support group for that?

Re: Do you identify yourselves as medical spouces???

I just found this site.

So how exactly did you find this site...by doing a search for "medical spouse"? I don't have time to respond other than saying that maybe you should find another chat room that will better fit your needs.

looking for a christmas present for a medical spouse

[BonBon]

Those are some pretty big assumptions to make about people whom you know nothing about.

[SueC]

Yeah, it's not like any of us walk around in real life with a badge identifying ourselves as a wife or husband of a doctor. In fact, I avoid at all costs telling people what my husband does to avoid the judgments people are so quick to make. At any rate, it does appear that you've stumbled into the wrong place, unless of course you are looking for camraderie with a bunch of folks who are diverse yet find themselves in the unique situation of being married to somebody in the demanding field of medicine.

Josephine,
Your comments are ridiculous and offensive. I suggest you browse this site more and actually READ before you post such inaccurate comments again.
Your comment - "probably not too concerned what people in a chat room think about hime interviewing at his back up."
I can't speak for everyone but I think I can safely say that I am well aware that my DH doesn't give a crap about what we say on this board. He's not supposed to care, this board is for me not him.
The spouse has every right to be concerned where the doctor interviews as this decision dramatically affects the spouse, family and their career. Last time I checked a marriage was about 2 people not just one. This board provides resources and experiences that we as spouses take into our medical marriage better equiped. Which in turn makes life much better for the doctor!
Your second comment "Do you know why? Because he is important and has more important things to do."
WOW! Really??? Gee this whole time I thought my SURGEON husband was working 100 hours a week weaving baskets!!! Seriously, I have been operated on, I know how important his job is. We all are well aware of this, you don't need to remind us.

This board is far from being a simple platform of identifying ourselves as nothing more than "medical spouses". We are all aware of the high divorce rate, 80% for my clan! Most of the spouses on this board are educated, accomplished caring people who communicate here under an umbrella that reflects only a small aspect of their life. If you browse through the threads you will discover forums dedicated to medical spouses careers and education. Health and fitness, parenting, book reviews and more.

Your comment " get a parent support group" -
Medical families are unique in their stresses and stories. A standard parent support group would most likely not be sufficient enough to cover the extreme issues that medical families sometimes face. Why would they go to a separate group when they can come here and brag about their great kids, complain, take polls, workout together, gather resources, give and get therapy and develop amazing relationships instead?

[PrincessFiona]

Josephine, first off, welcome to the group.

Secondly, I doubt there is a single person here who would say "I'm so proud of his last rotation" Every woman and man here has one thing in common: a spouse who is at some stage in the medical training process or who has survived it..that's it, plain and simple. Some of our members are teachers, nurses, lawyers or doctors themselves...others are stay-at-home parents, work-at-home parents or homeschool their kids.

The ONE thing that we all have in common is that we are somewhere on the medical training path. It is a unique path and a lifestyle unlike that of many other professions. It requires more sacrifice from the spouses and can mean years away from familiy and friends after a match for residency or fellowship. Those of us who are done can reach out and help members who are struggling to take care of their children and work part-time while their husband takes another month of illegal q2 call. Thosw who are still in the midst of training can offer suggestions to others about what is working for them. We come together as a community of people that shares a similar experience...nothing more, nothing less.

No one here (believe me) is busy writing about how proud they are to be a dr's wife/husband. Questions like "should my husband interview at his second choice" come from new members who are seeking advice/direction from people with more experience. There is nothing wrong with that.

I don't know a single person on this website living their lives through their husband/wife. I do, however, know a great group of very strong women and men who support their "important" doctor spouses by packing up the household and moving across the country with children, providing emotional support during tough call months, doing most of the parenting and taking care of the household so that the medical student/resident can pursue their dreams. That is something to be proud of.The idea that anyone here is living through someone else is an insult to the members here.

Our mission here is to support marriage and families. The divorce rate for MDs may be higher than the high national average for non-MDs (of 50%) bit since 1999 we have had very few members leave because their relationship ended.

Finally...this place is just fun. It is a great group of very supportive people. You are welcome to get to know everyone here and find support for yourself here. I would suggest reading through the public threads though to find out what this place is all about first.

kris

[DCJenn]

Hello all-

OK, either this is a troll, looking to start some trouble (and successfully hitting a whole lot of buttons, all at once, too!) or this is a person who is not comfortable with the idea that medicine has some unique and difficult distinctions that other professions don't. (not that other professions don't have issues, they certainly man, I'm just not married to someone in another field...)

So, Josephine, if you are a medical spouse, girlfriend, friend. SO, parent, child, or whatever, welcome and feel free to post here and vent here and come here for support. There is obviously a need that is being met here- and has been since 1999. and that's a long, long time in the virtual world. I joined in 2000 and these people are my friends. I have met some, would love to meet more, and I know that if my husband has a sucky rotation or whatever, there are people here who know exactly what I am experiencing.

We also are very diverse. Because of this group, I have expanded my knowledge of a number of different areas, I have friends who have fundamental belief systems literally across the spectrum and it's great. I disagree a lot, I find myself thinking "yup, been there" a lot, and more importantly, when a new person whose spouse is in a similar position as mine joins, I can say "welcome, and let me tell you how I handled it. or let me direct you to which inefficient department in the military you need to find. etc., etc.

So, welcome, and read and learn.

Jenn

and no, if someone asks me what my husband does, I tell them he's in the Army. period.

[Auspicious]

Does this mean that I shouldn't have gotten that "Dawkter's Wife" tattoo?

[DCJenn]

Not until after the wedding Julie... come on, now.

[Flynn]

Josephine -- I'm glad you found this site.

You obviously are in dire need of support from somewhere. Your comments are angry, intended to hurt, and pretty ignorant. Just my two cents. Most people who are this defensive have something they are insecure or ashamed of. Maybe this site can help you deal with these issues?

Making negetive assumptions about something you've only just looked into is suspect at best.

This site is a huge support for many individuals who define themselves as much more than "medical spouses."

Finally, they way you talk about motherhood is inspiring. I pity your children if you ever have any. No person who has ever raised or is raising a child would ever write such drivel.

I'm guessing that at least one of these archetypes linked below will help us better understand Josephine. Heck, we might all enjoy a break from what Josephine considers our vapid and constant preoccupation with spouse adulation. Enjoy.

Imposter, Garble, L'Enfant, Troller, and Loopy archetypes can all be viewed through this link:
http://www.flamewarriors.com/

Follow the links to the current "warrior roster" where you will find the archetypes mentioned above listed amongst others.

Well, I'm sitting here laughing at myself because I can honestly say, "NO, I do not identify myself as a medical spouse"! Good grief what am I doing here?!!

Ya know, this really just confirms my internet addiction even more...I need IS there a doctor in the house?!!

I don't care what anyone says...you guys are great people, very down to earth and in lieu of being medical spouses I find myself able to relate to your lives in many, many ways. The way I see it 'Medicine' is your common ground but who you are is what makes you YOU! I have read about many of your personal accomplishment and have been inspired.

Josephine stick around you will quickly learn that no one here defines themselves by a label/title and IF they do they do I hope they can find by coming here there is really more to whom you are than that.

I'm sure Josephine won't be back to read my response, but I have to reply.

Yes, I do identify myself as a medical spouse, but that is not my only identity.

Yes, I am very proud of my husbands accomplishments (at this stage, I am proud of how he's done on his rotations). Not just anyone can go through this kind of training. My husband is doing well. I'm not the least bit ashamed to stand up and say that I am proud of him. This does not mean I am not proud of my accomplishments as well. I am. In fact, I am also proud of our daughter and her successes.

Actually, my husband found this site and told me about it He cares and listens when I tell him something interesting I have read. He realizes the source this website is and cares about how I, a Medical Spouse, feel about the training process. There are a lot of difficult times, and talking to people who have been there and done that is a huge advantage.

Also, what would be different about going to a parenting board or chat room? Wouldn't you then attack the parents for living vicariously through their children??

Anyway, did you find any good Christmas gift suggestions for your Medical Spouse?? Too bad you didn't start looking years earlier. It sounds like you could have used a site like this.

[houseelf]

Ouch, Josephine, I take it that you must be having a bad day, so I forgive you. At times, I must admit, I have made an a** of myself by trying to make myself feel better at someone else's expense. Everyone of us is guilty of saying some version of the following: "At least I don't_____________ like so and so". This is one of the oldest coping mechanisms in the book: elitism.

I'm fighting hard to withhold providing you more self-definitions which, for whatever reason, may appeal to you more. But in truth, nothing makes me more happy or better defines me than being my kids' mom or my husband's wife. If this is not enough for you, so be it. We value different things, my friend.

I invite you to read more and learn about the dynamic group of men and women who comprise this site. They are some of the finest people I've met.

Kelly