Dawkter spouse stereotypes

[PrincessFiona]

What are the stereotypes you guys have run into? Latey I've been reallizing that the way that I dress/fix my hair doesn't really fit with my dh's noble profession. I can generally be seen in a pony tail and without make-up....and usually, I wear the same style-less outfits. I picked my daughter up from brownies the other night after having worked in the garden for a couple of hours and I got a couple of looks. :> It could have been from smelly sweaty, of course :! but it did make me start thinking about how I generally dress etc and the expectations that are out there.

This mornignI was on campus and in the meeting I was told that my dh is treating the wife of a faculty member....I was expected to 1. know this and 2. be prepared to discuss diagnosis/treatment in detail. There was huge disappointment when they realized I knew nothing about her being treated. They suddenly just realized how unimportant I really am in the whole medical process. I really think that there was this expectation that I knew what was going on etc....My blasted husband is way too close-lipped about this stuff. He actually treated my boss last year as an in-patient and I didn't hear about it until my boss told me after he had been discharged. :|

Re: Dawkter spouse stereotypes

This mornignI was on campus and in the meeting I was told that my dh is treating the wife of a faculty member....I was expected to 1. know this and 2. be prepared to discuss diagnosis/treatment in detail. There was huge disappointment when they realized I knew nothing about her being treated.

That must mean they don't read all those HIPAA forms they have to sign.

My family asks me stuff and DH isn't even IN med school yet

[SueC]

I was thinking the same thing Nellie wrote--if your dh had told you anything about the woman's condition or that he was even treating her, that would be a huge HIPAA violation!
As far as stereotypes Kris, I'm right there with you. I rarely style my hair or wear makeup. I can't even blame it on having kids because I was just as lazy about my appearance before we had them. I do generally try to dress nice (and when I mean nice, I mean I don't wear sweatpants). Jeans and a nice-looking shirt are my usual (I buy lots of my clothes at Target--I'm definitely not usually sporting any expensive brands).

[Meenah]

I usually wear scrubs to work, and then it is jean and shirts. When I dress up it is a denim or cotton skirt!!!! I do wear makeup, but not very much.
Luanne

[Rapunzel]

Well, I must admit to being very, very vain. But, I'd be this way if my husband was a ditch-digger to be honest. I love makeup, I actually feel better when my hair looks nice, and I love wearing fashionable clothing (although I'm usually in the mommy uniform of jeans and a t-shirt ). I'm sure it all fits in nicely with the dawkter's wife stereotype BUT that was my personality when I was married to a "lowly" pizza delivery boy and it has always been my "vice" (isn't that one of the seven deadly sins?). Oh well....

I think the stereotype I've encountered in the last few years is that I should have all of my children in private school (and, *gasp* how can I raise all these children without a nanny?!?), we should own a huge house (the reality is we rent a moderate-sized apartment), we should be going on expensive vacations every year (yeah right - what's a vacation again? ), etc, etc. Basically, it boils down to people assuming we're rolling in money at the moment.

Don't get me wrong - we're not doing too badly considering we live in one of the most expensive cities in the U.S. and have four kids. BUT, it's crazy what some of the people I encounter think of us if and when they find out what my husband does for a living. Generally, I try to not tell anyone unless the subject comes up - and then only after I let them ramble on about their wild assumptions that I go on to squash. :>

Jennifer

[DCJenn]

I've been more 'dressed' in Russia than I have in months back in the States. Mostly because the women here dress to the nines for the most part and I'd like to not quite stick out as the ugly american. Must be working too, because people keep asking me questions in Russian.

I've actually run into more sterotypes about being a "Officer Spouse" than a "Medical Spouse". Family members keep thinking that we're in the 'regular' military and that we'll be having the senior officers to dinner and I'll attend flippin' tea parties.

For the record, I have no idea who the Commander of the hospital is, I have no idea who the Army Surgeon General is, my husband is a Captain but commands no one.

Jenn

PS- my one Doctor's Wife Vice? I love, love, love masages and pedicures. But I guess if I lived up to the stereotype I'd have a standing appointment rather than waiting for someone to give a gift certificate for my birthday or Christmas...

[Flynn]

Instead of writing many of the same remarks, I will agree with Jennifer. I came that way though and it has nothing to do with being a doc's wife.

I think one assumption people make when talking to me is that #1 I work outside the house and #2 I am probably a doc myself. Neither is true.



One stereotype I will fall into when we are DONE with training (and I am too old to clean ) is having a cleaning person.

I'm a total schlump in the doctor's wife catagory. I run around in the "mommy uniform" (sweats for me) ... always ready for the surprise work out! Once we're settled in w/the job that pays, I'll be a mani/pedi hair colored / highlight girl for sure. These days I'm REALLY bad, though, b/c I haven't had my hair cut since before Christmas or colored since before Thanksgiving because we've been so broke. I'm trying to time it so I'll only have to do it once before visiting the new job city (wherever it may be) AND my BIL's crazy wedding over Memorial Day weekend.

AND I will have a cleaning lady. DH will no longer fight be on it b/c I've been so evil about keeping the house clean while it's on the market.

I'll never be the "lady who lunches" and wears pearls, but I will enjoy it when there is finally some $ around.

Um - so not me, but I do envy their panache and wonder how the hell they 1. Afford it and 2. Have time to pull it off every morning?

Amen, sister!

[HeartRN]

Truly, when the hell DO they do it?! Kudos to those who get up before their kids just to make themselves feel and/or look more put together, but in this house, sleep is supreme....especially on the days I have off and don't have get up at 5!!!!

I was just thinking about how I'm incredibly casual and bemoaning the fact that I have very little style. I literally walk through somewhere as benign as Target for a non-jean/non-warm-up look, and I have NO CLUE where to start. Everything that isn't jeans or warm-ups look so uncomfortable to me I think when we start making better $$ someday, I would appreciate taking somebody shopping with me who has some style (my sil really does) and investing in some nice pieces. I definitely second the whole cleaning lady, massage, hair and nails idea too!!!!

[Phoebe]

jeans and t-shirt with a perpetual pony tail and no make-up is my daily attire! I would be wearing that no matter who I was married to. My hairdresser (referred to me by my OB) happens to do a lot of dawkter's and non-medical people, but she constantly refers to my lifestyle like it is upscale. When we were talking about gyms, she thought of course I would belong to the local country club. I disappointed her when I told her I did not.

We have a cleaning person! Highly recommended!

Jennifer

My mother thinks I need to be staying home to polish the silver and planning tea parties for the dawker's wives club. She's old school and hates it when I complain about the impact of DH's career choice on MY life. She thinks I have to do whatever is necessary make the "dawkter" happy.

[mommax3]

I don't think I fit the stereotype either, but I don't really know. This year, I am usually more dressed up (meaning not jeans or sweats) since I work every day, but I am sure I will go back to my old slovenly ways next year when I'm staying at home full time once again.

I do have a cleaning lady.....but I only got her in February when we put the house on the market, and then even when it sold, DH said I could keep having her come every other week until we moved. I am conflicted about having a cleaning lady, especially when I am not happy with the job she has done. I feel very strange telling her she needs to work harder on my floors, when inside I feel like really I should be doing it myself anyway. I have a friend here (a med-peds doc) who I call to psyche me up when I have to tell the cleaning lady I wasn't happy with something. I don't know that I will have a cleaning lady at first after we move.......I refuse to have one unless I have a personal recommendation from someone, so that will take a while.

Manicures/pedicures.......no. I have never had a manicure (I think I have had 3 or 4 in my life) that wasn't ruined within 3 days. I have only ever had 2 pedicures and I LOVED them, but they were both due to gift certificates. I don't see them becoming a priority item in our budget anytime soon!

I am DEFINITELY a highlight girl, though, and I am so hair retarded (and I have very thick hair) that I don't even attempt to do anything to it myself. Salons all the way for that. I always wear make-up, too, but that is more about me (a very fair skinned person with blonde eyelashes ) than about living up to any expectations.

Being an OB/Gyn's wife is weird in that when we see his patients at Target or wherever (this happens everywhere we go) they ALWAYS speak to my husband and it is always awkward, almost like I am the "other woman". Some women really bond with their OBs through all the pre-natal visits and labor and delivery, and at this point he has delivered 2 babies for quite a few women here. I understand that, but it is a weird feeling for me. I feel like the women look at me and judge if I am "worthy" of their beloved doctor. I always feel fat at those moments. It is truly amazing what they will say to DH in front of me about their personal stuff! I know WAY more than I should about the post-partum course of many, many women around town. DH rarely introduces me because (although the patients don't know this) he doesn't usually remember their names.

As far as privacy goes, I think DH is probably middle of the road. If I know someone ahead of time, and then DH sees them as a patient, (which is rare) he may mention that he saw them, but nothing else, unless he has been given an okay to announce their pregnancy. If I don't know the people (usually the case) DH will mention things about them in the context of patients he saw that day, surgeries he performed, etc., but he never mentions their names. If he gets called in later or there is a complication, he might say "do you remember the thus and such procedure/case I told you about" and then go from there.

Sally

[migirl]

You guys are cracking me up! Wait, let me put down my glass of Cristal and remove my ever-so-heavy-and-burdensome diamond jewelry so I can type a proper answer...

I actually get a lot of flak about my role as a dawkter's wife from my mom (who is a dawkter's wife herself). Whenever I mention to her that we're going to a social function involving the other residents or attendings, she always wants to know what I'm wearing and tells me how I should 'dress up' and impress everyone. Um, sorry, I'm going to wear what's comfortable and clean, and I don't really care what everyone else thinks I should look like. It's annoying, but I've learned to ignore it.

I've gotten tons of comments along the lines of "But if your husband's a doctor, why do you still work?" My reaction to that pretty much depends on my mood.