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weeny friend

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  • #1

    weeny friend

    O.K. I'm feeling like a complete weenie. (sp?) My best friend is getting married in Orange County this summer and I told her that we would all be coming. After careful review of the finances and much hand wringing, it looks like this is a completely unreasonable expenditure. In good conscience, I don't think that we can go. Money is super-duper tight right now.

    I told her this and she seemed very understanding, but I can't get past the feeling that I really should be there for her. She is such a fantastic human being who is always there for me.

    DH will be in clinicals this summer, so I can't leave the kids behind with him and go by myself. (Although a solo trip would make mooching some free housing much easier). BUT, I can't go by myself because I'm nursing one kid and the other one would freak out if I only took his baby sister. (Life-long psychological damage! O.K. I'm exagerating a little.)

    So....long story short, what do you guys think: Do I suck as a friend or what? I'm so torn on this issue. Can anyone here absolve me of some guilt or is "weenie girl" an accurate assessment?

    BTW, how does one spell "weenie"?

    Kelly
    In my dreams I run with the Kenyans.
    Tags: None
  • #2
    Well, weenie girl...I mean, Kelly.... :>

    I think that the situation is perfectly understandable. I'm sure that your friend is as disappointed as you are, but that she completely understands. It would just be too much with Sean back in Clinicals and you on your own with your two angels.

    Maybe you guys can arrange for a special girl's weekend sometime when Sean could potentially stay with the kids and Kendal is older or you could make her a necklace or earrings or something special with your jewelry-making talent for her to wear on her wedding day to remind her that you are with her in spirit.

    kris
    ~Mom of 5, married to an ID doc
    ~A Rolling Stone Gathers No Moss

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    • #3
      I think you are right with weenie. But I don't think you are a weenie. Anyway you can get a grandparent (or other adult your kids adore) to stay with the older kid and really play it up so they feel like they are getting a great deal?? Looking back I remember this happening, but at the time I thought I was the coolest going to grandma's for a sleep over.

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      • #4
        I absolve you of all guilt. A true friend would not want you to suffer financially for trying to attend her wedding. Be good to yourself, don't go into debt for a one day event (unless of course it is at a top spa).
        Luanne
        Luanne
        wife, mother, nurse practitioner

        "You have not converted a man because you have silenced him." (John, Viscount Morely, On Compromise, 1874)

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        • #5
          Man, I can understand your dilema. I would be so tempted to pull out the credit card - but it also sounds like it would be more hastle than it's worth with the kids in tow (you would probably spend more time chasing after/caring for the kids than actually time spend doing wedding stuff). I hope you suddenly come up on a free $1000 so that you can fly out, get great baby sitters for the kids, and enjoy a little solo and friend time (hey, we can always dream!!).

          Jen B.

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          • #6
            Even looking at it from within the full throes of prenuptual psychosis I say you're absolved.

            If you're a weenie, then so are tons of our friends. Our entire peer group seemed to up and marry en masse in 2001-2003 and we went to almost all their weddings. Here it is, 2005 and lots of them can't travel to our wedding because they can't fly so close to their due date or they just sank every penny in a new house etc etc--all perfectly legit reasons. We'll miss them, but we understand--life happens. It's just one of the pitfalls of being one of the last ones married and we're really okay with it. I'll bet this bride is, too.
            Married to a hematopathologist seven years out of training.
            Raising three girls, 11, 9, and 2.

            “That was the thing about the world: it wasn't that things were harder than you thought they were going to be, it was that they were hard in ways that you didn't expect.”
            ― Lev Grossman, The Magician King

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            • #7
              My vote: Not a weenie.

              Jennifer
              Who uses a machete to cut through red tape
              With fingernails that shine like justice
              And a voice that is dark like tinted glass

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              • #8
                totally NOT a weenie!

                Not at all a weenie.
                Wife to a Urologist. Mom to DD 15, DD 12, DD 2, and DD 1!
                Native Jayhawk, paroled from GA... settling in Minnesota!

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                • #9
                  Make this another vote for non-weeniedom!

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                  • #10
                    I agree with the others! I'll bet she understands and Kris had some good ideas for other ways to show you care. I especially like the idea of having a girls weekend when you can get your dh to watch the kids.
                    Awake is the new sleep!

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