Does this exist??

[Flynn]

I am curious....is there a book out there on how to be a supportive partner if you are a doc in the screwed up system that is residency?

We spend so much time "trying to be supportive as the non-medical person in the relationship" when really, a lot of the time the doc needs SERIOUS help in the "human being" category.

Perhaps a Father's Day gift????
Ha ha. I am having a wing dinger of a day....

[Cumberland]

Hey how about one of us on here write one?? Or collaborate on one?

[Sheherezade]

How about we put together a list of tips for the doc....

My tip:

Be as accurate as you can when estimating how long a procedure/paperwork/rounding will take. Nothing spells frustration for me better than being told something will take an hour and have it turn into four hours. My husband's still working on this - I routinely multiply his estimates by 3.

Another one:

If possible, live close to the hospital. When you are done, you want to be home quick.

On kids:

Set up a routine time you can play or read with your child whenever you can. Even if it is only 30 minutes a week, it will mean the world if it is consistent. Although my husband rarely saw our children at bedtime or in the morning, if he had a weekend off, he played a coffee game with them in his pajamas drinking coffee as soon as they woke up. They knew they could count on it, and he always followed through.

[Flynn]

Tip:

Don't delude yourself that you (the doc) are becoming a doc for "your family or future family." Being a doctor is a personal quest and by its very nature, means the majority of your time while training (in most specialities) will be dedicated to your profession and you. As a result, this makes becoming a doc inherently selfish.

Don't fight that reality. Embrace it and deal with it.

Don't hit snooze fifty times and turn your spouse into a human alarm clock.

Amen!

Flynn - sorry you're having this day - I believe I'm familiar with this one! I also 2nd (or 3rd) the "accurate estimate" suggestion.

My tip(s):
Try with all of your might to avoid the holier than thou "you wouldn't understand" exasperation when someone has bothered to express interest in your day.

If you are training to be a surgeon or pathologist (alas, dh has done "time" in both), PLEASE refrain from using the word "bowel" during dinner conversations.

And last but not least: even if your training in pathology has forced you to become familiar with the saddest side of pregnancies, DO NOT EVER use that information (in that context) as a comparison to something that you and your spouse see in an ultrasound picture.

When the alarm goes off at 3 or 3:30 am get up the first time!!!! Don't hit snooze fifty times and turn your spouse into a human alarm clock.

And please, oh please, do not get annoyed and pissy when after the 5th snooze your spouse elbows you to GET OUT of bed. :disappointed:

Ditto to living as close as possible to your most frequently visited hospital. Within walking distance or easy public transportation is even better.

Do not minimize your spouse's or children's illnesses because they don't "feel as bad as the guy I just saw in the ICU." Likewise, when you are sick with what seems appears to be a common virus, you probably do not have lupus or a tropical sprue.

Please remember that maybe, just maybe, the lack of sleep and trying situations might be clouding your judgement and perceptions. (In other words, if you are having a problem with the world, the problem might be with you and not the rest of the world.)

Likewise, when you are sick with what seems appears to be a common virus, you probably do not have lupus or a tropical sprue.

I have to laugh or I'll cry!

No kidding! My dh - with $150K of training in his noggin, still calls everything he catches the "flu", and insists on "sweating it out" by wearing 3 layers of clothing, a wool hat, and as many blankets as he can find. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

[Flynn]

These are GREAT --- keep them coming!!!

PS The sun DID come out today and I have rallied.

Thanks guys.

[Rapunzel]

Good grief! I can't add any other tips right now but the ones about getting your butt out of bed the FIRST time the alarm goes off early in the am really hits home. Sheesh! This has been a big source of contention for us over the last few months especially (as I need more and more sleep with pregnancy).

I'm not invisible - there's another person sleeping (that's right SLEEPING) next to you and it's ME! SET THE FREAKIN' ALARM FOR THE TIME YOU WILL GET UP.

My husband uses his PDA as his "alarm clock" in the morning and hits "snooze" on it repeatedly. I can't tell you all how tempting it has been over the last few weeks to just open our third story bedroom window and chuck the thing out into the street one morning. Only thing stopping me is how much the stupid thing costs.

I didn't realize I had so much pent-up anger over this!!

:> Jennifer

[houseelf]

These are soooo funny! If we ever meet up, the first round of drinks (or heavier sedatives, if necessary) are on me!

Since we are letting down our hair and cutting loose, I'd have to add:

--Just because you live a dysfunctional lifestyle doesn't mean you should begrudge your spouse's attempt to find normalcy.

--Yes, the field IS plagued by arrogance and selfishness. You too. Really. Yes, you.

Kelly

[Sheherezade]

OK, maybe it's just me but....

Don't act like I'm the scrub nurse when we are putting sheets on a bed or painting a room or moving a piece of furniture. The cold mechanical directions about what I should do next to help along each step of YOUR procedure really p*ss me off.


We've had a number of fights on this one. We've remodeled three houses together, but after fellowship there was a distinct change in how we worked together. As in, he's in charge and I'm to do what he says. Yeah, right. It doesn't go over well. (Particularly when it is something I've done 1000 times and he's done ....never?) He claims he doesn't even know he's doing it - sadly, I think this is true.

[Vishenka69]

PLEASE refrain from using the word "bowel" during dinner conversations.

I flipped out last Sunday when DH started talking about vaginal birth at dinner (with non-medical company present).

Another one that we constantly fight over - Please don't tell your SO that she/he can never understand how hard you work (especially when you get home several hours before she/he does).

Being a doctor is a personal quest and by its very nature, means the majority of your time while training (in most specialities) will be dedicated to your profession and you. As a result, this makes becoming a doc inherently selfish.

Can we shout that from the rooftops?

[DCJenn]

Here are mine:

Cleaning the cat pan, scooping dog poo or changing a diaper does NOT qualify you for the Nobel Prize for excellent parenting...

You spouse should not have to tell you to do any of the above. You have a nose.

Taking your car to get detailed is NOT more important than cleaning the bathroom.

Yes, we need milk again. Yes, you need to stop on your way home to get it. Yes, there is probably something else I'm forgetting to tell you to pick up, but the cat just threw up a hair ball that the dog and the baby are vying to get to, the dishwasher is half-unloaded, the second cat just ran out the back door and the third cat is howling outside of her pan because you forgot to change the litter while you were in the basement cleaning off your bike. So, when you get home and I ask if you picked up ____, don't look at me like I'm a degranged lunatic, put the baby in the stoller and go get it, becuase I have to walk the f-ing dog....

Jenn

PS- My apologies....

Yes, we need milk again. Yes, you need to stop on your way home to get it. Yes, there is probably something else I'm forgetting to tell you to pick up, but the cat just threw up a hair ball that the dog and the baby are vying to get to, the dishwasher is half-unloaded, the second cat just ran out the back door and the third cat is howling outside of her pan because you forgot to change the litter while you were in the basement cleaning off your bike. So, when you get home and I ask if you picked up ____, don't look at me like I'm a degranged lunatic, put the baby in the stoller and go get it, becuase I have to walk the f-ing dog....