Choosing a Specialty

Has anyone's SO had a problem with this?? DH is having the most difficult time choosing a specialty. He's been "100% for sure" on about five different things, but right now he has this running list that he is 'considering'.

This is fine with me. I don't care if he has picked yet or not. The problem is that he is incredibly stressed out about it and its making him...crabby to say the least. Its like walking on eggshells around him. I feel like I can't say/do anything right. I'm either invading his space or being to distant. I'm either "not supportive" (What?! ) or too nosy. Even with DD I'm either too soft or too hard on her. I'm about ready to ship him off until he's made his decision.

What are your experiences? Did your SO always know what they wanted to do, did they happily stumble across what they loved, or did they wait until the last minute and get ulcers (and give them to loved ones) due to a lack of a decision?? I'd love to know I'm not the only one dealing with this! :|

[Michele]

Russ changed his mind about 8 different times....each time I thought it was it! And as we got closer to the deadline for picking schedules adn his having to declare, it was horrible! He was so moody and stressed out all the time. It was very frustrating.

He finally chose a specialty...but he chose it based on the class not on the rotation! So I was really worried that when he got to the rotation it wouldn't be what he wanted!! Thankfully he is the happiest I've seen him in a LOOONG time! He went with Ophthalmology....definitely not my first choice, but he's the one who's going to have to do it everyday! He's on the rotation now and is loving it!

There is hope...just try to hang in there!

[Flynn]

DH tossed around a few surgical specialities but CT was always in the top two. Now he's trying to decide between "C" (cardiac) or "T" (Thoracic).

Just CHOOSE already. You've only had since you were twelve to decide!!!

Please tell me your DH is NOT considering surgery????

Has anyone's SO had a problem with this??

Yes! A problem about which I can now look back upon and fondly chuckle instead of cry.

My advice (when he feels like hearing it and you aren't vacillating between being unsupportive and nosy ) is to write out a list of likes and dislikes in the broadest categories possible. So, it's not do I hate psychiatry but love surgery? What is it about each of those that is liked and disliked? And -- do I like being the specialist and focused on one system/organ/area or do I like dealing with all parts of the body and medical needs? Will I feel deprived not doing lots of procedures and working with my hands or could I take or leave procedures? Do I want to have long term relationships with patients and longer visits, see them for specific needs and shorter visits (maybe not build long term relationships), or see them while they are under or part of them is on a slide?

Then see if those likes and dislikes are mostly or completely met by the fields being considered. For example, DH really liked ob/gyn for a lot of the reasons he likes derm -- they seem very different at first glance, but there are a lot of similarities (ditto for other groups of specialities, IMO). Seeing things this way made me realize that DH would not have been happy with the residency he started with and that his new field is a better fit for him.

Good luck!

[Auspicious]

My husband had a pretty angst-filled few months making his choice, but somewhere in there the scales tipped and he's decided on path. Or at least that's the goal he's arranging his 4th year schedule around.

I think another important thing to remember is that once you get it down to the short list and you like everything on that list, even if you accidentally make the "wrong" choice and pick the 2nd-best or 3rd-best one, you're still probably going to be happy doing it. You're choosing amongst several goods, not a mix of goods and bads, so overall, it's a happy situation to be in.

Please tell me your DH is NOT considering surgery????

No, thankfully he isn't. Which is really the reason I feel like I don't care what he picks as long as he loves it.

He was set on optho for a really long time. He did his anesthesia rotation at an eye clinic and found out he didn't like it. Then he was set on path. Actually, he still likes it and he knows if he does it he will be happy (so what are waiting for, pick it!! ) But it is good to know, because like Julie said, if thats the backup, he knows he will like it. And now he is on a psych/neuro rotation and loves that. He loves everything. I can honestly say a definite "NO" would be just as good as a definite "YES" lately. At least he could cross something off his list.

Nellie, thats a great list. I think I will pass it on to him when things settle down a bit. I get the feeling he wouldn't appreciate me adding more right now!

Its so nice to know other people do this freak out thing! It seems like my closest med wives have husbands who all knew what they wanted to do when they were an M1. Maybe that adds to his stress, since those husbands are DH's closest friends.

My dh even started residency in general surgery, then decided he wanted a different lifestyle (and perhaps slightly less-cranky colleagues) and switched to path. He did miss the patient contact, so did a fellow in transfusion medicine - the only part of path were you see whole, breathing patients on occasion.

We're thrilled w/the path choice, tho. I could not have handled having a surgeon for a dh - I'm just not that patient.

[Auspicious]

I told my husband about this thread and my theory that it's all good because you're choosing between all positive choices...and he looked at me very skeptically. He says, "that's true, but you have to understand there's tremendous pressure to make the right choice."

So, yeah, sympathy.

Still, though, maybe time for a frank discussion about making your spouse feel bad at home because of things that are going on at work. Unfair!

[DCJenn]

Mine stumbled across pediatrics and said he picked it because he realized he preferred working with people who were not directly responsible for their illnesses!

He picked neurology to specialize in because (I'm convinced!) one of the pediatric neurologists was totally hot. (and I'm a girl- a hetero girl, and she's hot!). and if that wasn't enough, he also likes all the workings of the brain.

Until he found peds, he had a different favorite each rotation. (except for surgery which he hated immediately!)

Jenn

Right there with ya.... DH and I had a long conversaton about this very topic yesterday as we were driving out of the mountains from camping. He is stuck on EM and anesthesia. He's scared that his scores are not high enough, that he will burn out with EM, get bored with anesthesia etc. I know it is a very difficult decision to make as it is the rest of their career lives. I feel for all of them. It'll be fun to see in a few short months what all the M3's go into and where we all end up for residency.

I am going through this right now too--here we are at the very beginning of 4th year and I thought we would have decided by now...with each rotation, I get excited thinking that this will be "it" but he eventually comes home cranky and complaining of why this or that is not the rotation for him. I got annoyed the other day and told him that we were running out of rotations and that he needs to find some kind of medicine he likes. He looked like a little hurt kid and said, "I like medicine!" I don't think he realized that I'm on eggshells waiting for him to decide and that I've become totally discouraged by his apparent negativity. I think we're headed towards IM though...

I'm hoping that we're going to figure it out soon--he did just fill out all of the info to schedule his step 2 test--which by the way, costs A LOT of money!!! And then I find out that he has to drive to Chicago (we're in Ohio) for the clinical part of it? All things I didn't know about until the other day! Shouldn't the school pay for those? We're not made of money!

I am happy to say DH has crossed two things he was considering off his list. He still has quite a few to check out, but he's been in to meet with advisors and chairs and deans etc. Thats really helped a lot.

No kidding step 2 costs a ton! Isn't it like $1000?? I remember DH telling me he had to spend around that much a few weeks ago, but I don't remember exactly what it was for. I guess I wasn't listening. "What? $1000? Its for med school? Sure, sounds good." I think it may have been figured into student loans, but really what does it matter? He has to take it. And I'm kind of looking forward to the Chicago thing. I have no idea what is involved for DH, but it would be cool if we could make a little mini-vacation out of it. We're lucky, Chicago is only about an hour and a half away.