Questions to SAHMs and Dads too I guess.

This is going to sound like unusual advice probably, but...get out regardless of nap schedules, etc. It is my experience that naptime can be accomplished in a buggy or in the carseat if necessary. When my older children were younger, we took trips to the shopping mall (not that we could buy much) an hour away and they slept in the car....when they got older I bought a bike trailer and we biked around town...and to hell with naptime..they slept in the back of the trailer after we had stopped at the park to play.

I agree. There are basically 2 schools of thought on the naptime thing, and I'm w/Kris. My kids napped on the way places and in the stroller most of the time. One is a great sleeper, the other lousy - and they both had the same mom doing the same thing.

Good luck!

[Flynn]

This has been interesting to me!

I think a SAHD has unique challenges. Especially ones married to a doc --and a resident no less. AIECARUMBA!!!!!!!!!!

I had a career I worked hard to achieve and then loved pre-kids. For some reason though, I ALWAYS felt strongly that if DH's chosen profession required him to work silly hours, when we had kids I would be home with them - -and I'm not really the domestic type -- not by a long shot.

For me, having at least one parent available to the child instead of childcare, was not even a discussion in my head. I am completely against full time child care in order to work (not for financial reasons) -- FOR ME. I know that my decisions won't work for everyone NOR do I expect most people to share my beliefs. This was the right choice for me. I have never doubted this despite having some really rocky times at home. This gig is really HARD sometimes!!

I have asked myself over and over again, as I watch my friends go back and forth on whether they should work at all, part time or full time after they have a child, why I don't struggle with this. I haven't come to an answer I fully endorse yet.

I have had my moments and I think that the first year you are a parent is the WORST as far as this question goes. I had a tough time transitioning from tons of "me time" when DH was gone, to "no me time basically ever" post children.

I think the state of my marriage had a HUGE impact on how I feel about staying home. We have had some BIG bumps in the road, but things have been good for a while now. When I feel like my marriage is on track, DHs hours are ok, and I feel appreciated by DH, I feel good about the activities I have planned for the kids and the milestones we have crossed, staying home is way more fun than not.

I think staying at home is crucial for the health and well being of my family. I FIRMLY believe this. So when the walls feel like they are closing in on me, I have both and poop somewhere on my white T-shirt, AND I REALLY need a nap, I keep this idea in mind. It gets me through and I know tomorrow is another day.

So being "just a mom at home" is PLENTY for me. I want to "nail" this mommy thing. I want to be awesome -- and that's not easy as we all know.

[Sheherezade]

Parks. Definitely parks.

I hope you have a good playground, because that is the key to a social life with small kids. I met so many people hanging out at the playground every morning. (I even considered having a new baby to meet people here -- but turns out I wasn't *that* lonely! ) I'm with the crew that thinks naptime is over-rated. Definitely get out and around. I know it is much harder to bond as a SAHD, but I have seen it happen before. Another good place to look for playgroups is on coffeeshop bulletins boards and in toy store windows. Sometimes people post flyers. Consider Gymboree, baby swim classes, and library storytimes. You meet other parents that way. Friends make a world of difference.

Another good place to look for playgroups is on coffeeshop bulletins boards and in toy store windows. Sometimes people post flyers. Consider Gymboree, baby swim classes, and library storytimes. You meet other parents that way. Friends make a world of difference.

case in point: I'm going to a book club tonight for a mom's group I saw posted in Starbucks on the Plaza. It turns out that the mom's group (called "brookside moms") is actually supposed to be for a specific area (interestingly enough, called brookside ). But the woman was really nice and invited me anyway. I didn't catch the "Brookside" ... I just thought you had to love moms who hung out in Starbucks on the Plaza.

[houseelf]

Peter,

First, you are normal, normal, normal. Repeat after me as necessary.

You have received *terrific* advice here, so I only want to add two tiny little nougats:

First, I just heard of a monthly book club started by some SAHMs that meets at 8:30 at night at Barnes & Nobles. I thought to myself BRILLIANT! As long as DH is at home, I can go have fabulous adult interaction, not be responisible for cleaning the house, and the kiddos are in bed. Look into something like this if you can. I have been working out after bed time, and this helps A LOT! As in, hey, look at me, some of my needs are being met without hurting anyone else.

Second, you are in a VERY unique stage of parenting. The first year is both an indescribable miracle...and very, very hard on the parent. Let's face it, the wee ones need lots of physically demanding and skilled attention. Not to many of will utilize that 13 year old next door to mind the infant while we take a break. As much as I love the baby stage, there is not too interaction. As they get older, they give more back. My 5 y.o. and I have fabulous conversations and interacts during fun times at the park or swim pool or I can read a book or chat up another mom. Yes, there are new challenges, but they seem more manageable with someone with whom I can talk to and occasionally rationalize with. Anyway, just recognize that you are in a unique, brief stage of parenthood.

Best of luck.

Kelly