The Victorians were right

[DCJenn]

Ok, maybe not that corsets were a great idea or that everyone needs fish forks but really- separate bedrooms. What's bad about that? We could be right next door to each other, adjoining rooms even. I wouldn't have to deal with him getting up at 0Dark30 to go to work, he wouldn't have to unmake my the bed because I prefer the sheets tucked in, we could share the 3 cats and 1 dog who insist on sleeping with us. I wouldn't have to deal with the pager, him having to go in as a result of the pager, or coming home after having goen in. I mean, come on, why did this fabulous idea go out of style? Good Sleep = Good romance as far as I'm concerned. Jeez, how many kids did Queen Victoria have, like 10? Clearly, it doesn't impede with 'relations'. I want my own room with no TV, my sheets properly tucked in, a nice fluffy fur free comforter and pillow shams.

I think we need to find a Big Victorian House next time we move.

Jenn

[SuzySunshine]

When we bought our guest room bed, my DH picked it put b/c I told him he was going to be the one sleeping in it. I've had a wife who's husband is a few years ahead of mine say she's had to kick him out of bed before b/c he got paged so much. Its nice that they take call from home but it stinks when you're trying to sleep. I can't wait until we have kids!

[Rapunzel]

I thought you were going to say the Victorians were right about uncovered table legs being "obscene".

Jennifer

Jenn,
You are reading my mind! It's nearly 4am and I'm on the computer because his pager's gone off and he snores and lately he's been talking in his sleep...the other night he even giggled - what the heck does that mean??!!?? I want my own room WITH a TV & sheets UNTUCKED, a comfy chair for reading, a snuggly blanket & a very large fan to keep me cool. Maybe we should start a trend!

Sara

[pstone]

Note of course that in the Victorian age sex was only for procreation, and the women were supposed to just "be" there while they thought about the king and queen of England. The shame of it all.

[mommax3]

Okay, I have to thank you all. In a weird way, I am sitting here reading this and feeling GRATEFUL that DH picked the specialty he did. When he was a resident, all of his call was in house, so I never had to deal with pagers going off in the night. Now that he is an attending, he might occasionally get paged, answer a question, and go back to bed, but usually, if his pager goes off, he's going in, and will be there the rest of the night, or most of it at least. I don't have to deal with hearing the pager multiple times in one night. And truthfully, I have learned to sleep through the pager, too....but if the phone rings, I am wide awake. It is unusual that I am thankful for my husband's specialty vs. those of others....usually I am jealous when I hear little bits about the schedules of people in other specialties. I guess it is all in the way you look at things, whether the glass is half-full or half-empty.

Sally

[migirl]

Our solution to this problem is that DH sleeps on the couch when he is on call. That way if he's busy with consults and his pager is going off like crazy, I don't hear any of it and get a good night's sleep which makes for a happy wife which ultimately benefits DH.

[Sheherezade]

I can usually sleep through the pager ... but I did resent going to bed at 9:30 for 2 years when he was getting up everyday at 4:30 am. It wasn't that I *had* to go to bed -- but we were in a small 2 bedroom apartment and everyone else (little kids and DH) needed to sleep. If I wanted to read or watch TV after 9 pm, I felt like I was disturbing someone. Then, I would have appreciated separate bedrooms but we couldn't afford separate rooms for our kids then either!

Here's an aside: Have any of you ever been "on call" for an overtired spouse who asks you to wake him if he sleeps through his pager?

I can sleep through a squalling newborn 6" from my ear.

I hope that bodes well.

[HeartRN]

Angie--I get to hold the pager many a night, because DH fears he will sleep through. One night he was on call from home after having several rough nights. I was kicked out of our room with the pager, and he stayed behind with DD, who had a hard night from thunder and lightning so slept beside her Daddy in our bed. I could barely wake the guy when his pager went off, and worse yet, I had to dial the number and put the phone to his ear sometimes!!!! What would they do without us!?!!!!!!

And how good is the advice they're giving in that state of consciousness??

Path doesn't have much call. My issues are more that he's male and does male things and makes male smells in our bed. I think the Victorians were on to something, Peter's comment noted.

but I did resent going to bed at 9:30 for 2 years when he was getting up everyday at 4:30 am. It wasn't that I *had* to go to bed -- but we were in a small 2 bedroom apartment and everyone else (little kids and DH) needed to sleep. If I wanted to read or watch TV after 9 pm, I felt like I was disturbing someone.

I agree! Its no fun sitting up all alone, in silence. DH has finally settled on Emergency Med, so we won't have to deal much with call, but during his rotations that required call, I was always really glad when he would just stay at the hospital for his call nights. Everyone was happier that way, so I can definitely see how separate rooms would be a good idea.

My dh can sleep through anything...I have to practically kick him if I want him to get up to check on the baby. I couldn't imagine if he had to take call....I'm sure many pages would go unanswered!

Strangely enough...DH can sleep through me reading, watching TV, babies crying, dogs needing to go out, kids climbing on him & storms, but only once has he failed to hear his pager!! Suspicious, I'd say! I'd settle for my own bathroom. With 4 males in our house, the toilets are always a mess!

Sara

[mommax3]

I was once in a VERY nice home of an attending and was shocked to find they had a urinal in one of their bathrooms. Now, years later, I am starting to see the logic in it . . .

Believe me, if we ever build a house, I will definitely consider this.....actually, what would suit us best would probably just be a sloped floor with several drains at the low end, and a potty for the solid stuff.

(I have to add that DH is not an offender in this area, or if he is, he cleans up after himself.)

Sally