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Division of Labor

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  • Division of Labor

    I know I'm a SAHM and the bulk of the house care belongs to me .... BUT can't he still maintain HIS little part of the mess? Must he come in and DUMP everywhere?

    Question: If you are the primary laundry-doer in your home, do you put away your spouse / SO's laundry, too?

    I put away mine, 2 kids, all linens - everything but his. We now have a big walk in closet that he could simply set his basket in, but he persists in just leaving it on his side of the bed (granted, it IS the furthest away from the closet, poor thing). Then he started to just take off his dirty clothes at night and dump them on top of the clean ones ... in the middle of the bedroom. :argue:

  • #2
    We split up laundry duties and both put everything away. However, he tends to move the location of his clothes so I will leave them folded in the basket sometimes until I learn his new "system." I'm really not sure what that is about because he is usually a creature of habit. The scrubs have had three locations in the last 8 months!

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    • #3
      My husband is the primary laundry-doer in our house, but we each fold and put away our own stuff.

      We use the laundromat, so usually he'll tell me the day before that he's doing laundry tomorrow. I have to make sure everything I want washed is in the hamper (delicates in their little zipper bags, etc.) Usually when I come home from work the next day, all the clean laundry is on the bed. T-shirts and other wrinkleables are stacked up flat, socks and such are heaped in the middle. We each pull out, fold, and put away our own before bedtime.

      We are also each in charge of our own dry cleaning drop-offs and pickups.
      Married to a hematopathologist seven years out of training.
      Raising three girls, 11, 9, and 2.

      “That was the thing about the world: it wasn't that things were harder than you thought they were going to be, it was that they were hard in ways that you didn't expect.”
      Lev Grossman, The Magician King

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      • #4
        I put away everything of hers which I can do rapidly. Things which I need to search for their place, I leave on the bed. My stuff gets mostly rollled up and stuffed in drawers - I fold hers. You know what drives me crazy - I hang up all the stuff which isn't supposed to go in the dryer (all hers), and then it'll stay there for days until I take it and put it away for her.
        :nono:
        Enabler of DW and 5 kids
        Let's go Mets!

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        • #5
          ummmm - dirty laundry hamper IS in his closet - and he can STAND in his closet while undressing .... he just chooses not to. this is why I want to smack the living daylights out of him.

          another one: he is the primary bath-giver for the boys (a huge good thing), and the boys' bathroom is across the hall from the laundry room. 9 times out of 10, the dirty clothes he's taken off the boys either stay in the bathroom or are ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF THE LAUNDRY ROOM DOOR.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by j3qpatel
            9 times out of 10, the dirty clothes he's taken off the boys either stay in the bathroom or are ON THE FLOOR IN FRONT OF THE LAUNDRY ROOM DOOR.
            Oooh, a de facto lesson to your boys that you can throw clothes on the floor, and Someone Else will pick up after you. For the love of your future daughters-in-law, squash it now! :disappointed:
            Married to a hematopathologist seven years out of training.
            Raising three girls, 11, 9, and 2.

            “That was the thing about the world: it wasn't that things were harder than you thought they were going to be, it was that they were hard in ways that you didn't expect.”
            Lev Grossman, The Magician King

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            • #7
              I too am the laundry doer, for the most part my DH puts his clothes in his hamper and if he doesn't he hears about it. I also put his stuff away for the most part.

              I do laundry every weekend since it is just the two of us and I also work. A few weeks ago he said he was out of boxers, I couldn't figure out how that was possible since he has like 2+ weeks worth. I finally figured out that he was undressing in the bathroom in the morning before his shower and so that he didn't wake me up he was hiding them in the cabinet. Nice thought but he should have told me.
              Wife to NSG out of training, mom to 2, 10 & 8, and a beagle with wings.

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              • #8
                I generally do all the laundry over the weekend, and I usually fold all of it put it all away, too.....although lately, I have been putting the piles of folded clothes on our bed and making the boys take theirs to their rooms and put it away themselves. DH helps as he is able, especially with the white loads, which for some reason depress me. (Probably because matching socks for four people of different sizes and figuring out whose white underwear is whose demands more brain cells than I have left.) I would have to say, though, that I don't think DH has EVER dropped clothes where they don't belong. He is actually a much more orderly person than I, although over the years I have changed some of my slovenly habits!

                Sally
                Wife of an OB/Gyn, mom to three boys, middle school choir teacher.

                "I don't know when Dad will be home."

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Cheri
                  so that he didn't wake me up he was hiding them in the cabinet
                  Absolutely hillarious. Carrying them out of the bathroom wouldn't have crossed his mind. At least it's an improvement on mine, who would have piled them in FRONT of the cabinet.

                  Julie is right about the lesson. Somehow dh managed to avoid picking up most of the lessons from his upbringing (mom cooked throughout the meal to deliver piping hot naan, etc. to the table). Now that I think of it, I do remember hiding under the blankets while she came into his "apartment" to fetch his laundry .... but that's another story.

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                  • #10
                    I'm the laundress here because I care and he doesn't. So I do my own separate piles and then I fold them into the laundry basket which he is tasked to carry up the stairs (remember when I fell?, I'm now superparanoid)

                    We have one basket- the one that goes up and down the stairs. Once everything is upstairs, I put away my stuff and Nikolai's and I leave his stacked neatly on the corner of the bed. He usually puts things away because there's always piles of fur (can't vacuum enough to deal with 3 cats and 1 dog!) that clean clothes will fall in. We had out closets done when we first moved in and that has helped, although he rarely follows my 'system'. What usually happens then is that I consider it free reign to go through his closet and remove articles of clothing that he hasn't worn or that have stains or are ripped, etc. and they go in to a big pile in front of his dresser (like he HAS to do something to open the drawers.) and he then 90% of the time agrees to get rid of stuff. He has like 10 pair of the identically colored shorts and at least 5 pairs of khakis- identical. (meanwhile, my thought is "you spend all day in fatigues- you'd think that you might want to get away from the green/brown thing".

                    My closet and dresser and therefore Nikolai's are examples of simple logic. (My husband has so many clothes that I share Nikolai's room!)

                    Jenn

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                    • #11
                      In the past, I have done all the laundry and put it away. DH does leave his clothing in piles on the floor or a bedroom chair from time to time - but at least he knows its wrong. He'll usually clean it up himself the next day.

                      Lately, I have been making my kids fold and put away their laundry in the afternoon. I do a load a day, so after school a toss the clean stuff in a chair and we try to guess who has the most laundry in the pile while folding. The kids have been great about pitching in all summer; too bad husbands can't be lured into housework with games. Well, I suppose they could .... if they involved a French maid's costume...

                      Angie
                      Gyn-Onc fellowship survivor - 10 years out of the training years; reluctant suburbanite
                      Mom to DS (18) and DD (15) (and many many pets)

                      "Where are we going - and what am I doing in this handbasket?"

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                      • #12
                        My DH is a PIG. I do all of the work aside from a few things. He has ONE laundry basket. I DO NOT wash anything of his that is not in that basket. He used to spread everything around in any thing that looked remotely like a basket. Any clothing item not in the dirty laundry basket or folded away (I do) gets thrown away (see topic - is this a legally binding contract?).
                        This seems to be working quite well! I have only thrown away a couple nasty old tshirts left on the bathroom floor.
                        My DH and I have big issues over cleaning up. He grew up with a maid and never had a single chore AND makes bigger messes than kids I know. That's why I now make him sign contracts and I throw things away. So sad, I am a raving B^&%H!!!!!! But it works!!!!!

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                        • #13
                          I think my DH has done 10 loads of laundry in the 7 years we've been married BUT he never complains he needs anything OR our room is messy. I THINK I've trained him not to leave his dirty clothes on the floor but he says he has three categories: dirty, sort of dirty, and clean. The "sort of dirty" lays around our room and bugs the crap of me because far be it for him to put it back in his "always open" dresser drawers.

                          I gave up this battle a long time ago and like to say I am "saving a future a#$ kicking on something MORE annoying ."
                          Flynn

                          Wife to post training CT surgeon; mother of three kids ages 17, 15, and 11.

                          “It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” —Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets " Albus Dumbledore

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                          • #14
                            Now that I think of it, I do remember hiding under the blankets while she came into his "apartment" to fetch his laundry .... but that's another story.
                            That sounds like a good story!




                            He is actually a much more orderly person than I, although over the years I have changed some of my slovenly habits!
                            Same here. I'm a little embarassed about what a....slob...I used to be. Especially when DH reminds me of what my room looked like in high school (there were "paths" ). But I am proof that you can be taught. My standards are much higher these days!

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                            • #15
                              Clothes were meant to be folded AND put away???!!!??? With 6 of us in this house I do laundry nearly everyday & it's pretty rare for there not to be a pile of clean clothes in my room most of the time....at least they get washed! Although I do forget they're in the washer occassionally. :@

                              Sara

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