asking visiting family to stay in hotel?

Hello all!
Well it is the holiday season and the family stresses are starting! I have a question for you all- I am mostly a lurker but thought someone probably has dealt with this before!

In our family it is just "not done" to ask someone to stay in a hotel if they are coming to visit. But for the first time I am thinking of doing it.

The week before Christmas, my aunt planned to take my grandmother to a nice restaurant for her birthday. It is far enough from her house that he, my aunt and my grandmother are going to be staying in a hotel close to the restaurant. My grandmother asked me to come. I am glad to since I live close enough to drive there easily. Then, I find out my mother is going to come, she is staying at the same hotel.

Recently I found out my sister and her boyfriend want to come too, but I was getting the sense that they were not planning on staying in the hotel. So I emailed her asking about it and got the response "oh I heard that we were staying with you".

?? No one has told me about this! I am irritated for a couple of reasons. First, hubby and I have a VERY small apartment. One person staying over is hard, two is getting claustrophobic (we have one bathroom and you have to walk through our bedroom to get there). Plus, my sister takes FOREVER in the bathroom and deciding what to wear. Second, I don't like people assuming they can stay with us. I think it is always a courtesy to ask and that is not being extended. SIL and boyfriend are both working and could afford to stay in a hotel.

So, I am figuring out how I am going to do this- I am working full time and that weekend is going to be the last weekend to get ready since we are going away for Christmas. Now I would need to think of how to manage all that and clean up the house for guests.

If you've read this far you're probably thinking, this lady needs a reality check! Ask your sister and boyfriend to stay in a damn hotel! But when I think of doing it I get this strong feeling of guilt. In our family we just don't do that and I feel like a giant b(*tch for even thinking about asking. I don't want people to feel unwelcome about visiting. And my sister and I have a special bond and I feel bad that she might not feel as comfortable visiting.

While I am working up the nerve to bring this up, can anyone commiserate? What have you done in similar situations? Thanks for any advice and insight!!

[DCJenn]

I hear you. It took a long time before anyone stayed at a hotel in my family- I think it was the cat allergies that finally did them in.

I think the only thing you can do is to use this medical lifestyle to you benefit. (it's one of the rare times, might as well use it) Tell you sister that you and hubby rarely have time together as it is, he's exhausted (even if he's not, he WILL be at some point) and that you need for him to rest comfortably. or some version of the same. That's essentially waht we told my mom and SIL when they showed up 3 months into internship year. That and it would be sooo much better for me to have someplace to go while hubby was sleeping. All of which was mostly true.

Jenn

[SuzySunshine]

We are having 15 people in town next weekend for Thanksgiving and we ran into this same problem because we have one guest room. My DH and I decided that my sister, her husband, and my nephew would be the ones that staid with us b/c of everyone that is coming they probably make the least amount of money. But we put our foot down anyway, my DH's mom was not happy b/c she though my single BIL should get to stay with us for some reason but you just have to do it. For your sanity and theirs, if they can afford to stay in a hotel you have to tell them to. If it helps offer to make their reservation! Good luck, I know its not easy.

thanks for your responses!

Yes I am gearing up to heartlessly buck the family tradition and send 'em packing to a hotel. An interesting update, I found out that the person who "invited" my sister and boyfriend to stay over is none other than my mother. And I am the last family member to find out about it! Grrr.. I found out when talking on the phone with her "oh yes they would be staying with you". Gee, thanks for telling me! We don't have a guest room at ALL, you are inviting family over to stay with us at the last minute the weekend before x-mas, and I am the last person to find out about it? Argh!!

My mom has been testing my boundaries lately and looks like this is one more thing. I didn't call her on it today because I had been setting her straight on something else today when I was talking to her, and didn't want to bring up too much at once. By the end of the phone call, though, I could tell she was rethinking her "suggestion". I already have a message in to my sister to call me about it and I am just going to tell my sister straight out sorry if there was a misunderstanding, if they want to come down that weekend they need to stay in a hotel, which we will help them find. Next agenda item for mom, DON"T invite people over to our place without letting us know, K?

Family, gotta love 'em!