GETTING A LIFE

[rainbabies]

[Phoebe]

I am still working on figuring that one out! I think I would start out by making of a list of the things that are important to you. Then I would pick one thing that interests you and try to find regular time for it. Two things that I do for myself are exercising and scrapbooking. Last year, I signed up and ran a half marathon. I also work on my scrapbooks in my sparetime.

It is hard to find to time when you are essentially a single parent. I think it is so important to try and find balance for yourself. It makes you a better parent and spouse when you concentrate on your needs. You will also provide a good role model for your kids.

Maybe you could find a couple other moms that you enjoy to start a book club or have regular outings. Your options are endless!

Jennifer

[DCJenn]

Everytime I move (which is way more than just the times I've moved with the spouse/Army, I find the rec department or a yoga class and sign up asap. I've made really good friends that way. (OK- not deep passionate bestest friends, but the kind you can at least go grab a cup of coffee with after class)

I also have found that there are more online support groups than one would think- it's not just us! I have found online support for girlfriends of Army personnel who were in Long Distance relationships, wedding planning, groups for people adopting from Russia, mommies in DC, etc. Rick just cracks up at my yahoo groups list- (12).

I also force myhself to go to the various nights out planned by various groups. It's so easy to just not make the effort but once I get there- I usually have a good time.

Jenn

[Vishenka69]

I think the fact that I was never dragged away from my friends and family helped tremendously. Not having kids to worry about and working full time also heavily factored in to having my own life. Ironically enough, our relationship started with us having our separate lives for a number of years (pre-med, med school) and I was so used to having my own life, it was hard to ajust to DH being home so much during residency. These days we fight over the fact that I still want to have a girls night/day out and he feels left out.

I think seeking friends and social circle through your hobbies is a great advice. Whether it's a yoga class, knitting circle or a book club, it's always easier to bond over something in common. If finding babysitting is tough, what about various "mommy&me" classes or play dates?

This may have been suggested already (didn't read all of the posts - sorry), but have you looked for a spouses support group at dh's hospital? It will probably have a really sexist name, but I found 2 of my very best residency friends there.

[PrincessFiona]

I went back to school....the financial aid that I received helped pay for extras like...a washing machine when ours broke, etc...and made things financially a little easier. I took classes of interest to me and had my own things to talk about when dh got home. I still work part-time off and on and am currently contemplating a good part-time job offer that I received for the Spring Semester...not because I don't love my kids dearly...but because I need a life outside of dh's career and the kids.

There are distance learning options if you don't have a school near you and you may be eligible for financial aid...

kris

[SueC]

Book clubs, moms grous, investment clubs, running clubs, I joined a bunch of stuff, started clubs, and found myself a nice little network of friends. Then of course I ran into the problem of dragging my kids along to events that nobody else brought their kids to (dh wasn't home and I couldn't afford a sitter) but everybody was pretty kind about it.